Mothering the Mothers

It’s happened. Walking through Target, I see the styles I wore in the late nineties and cringe a little at the resurgence. I’m officially the older mom. Young moms ask me for advice about potty training, but all I can offer is wisdom regarding speed cleaning our teenagers’ bathroom, which doubles as our guest bath. It’s been so long, I’ve forgotten when we began toilet training and what method we used. 

I think I thought that the older women Paul mentions in his pastoral letter to Titus were supposed to have beautiful gray hair and be retired.[1] But here I am with slightly graying hair, riding the roller coaster of the teen years and realizing that I’m an older mother now. 

It is a privilege getting to help mother younger mothers in this season. It’s a posture more than a position, and we know from Scripture that such mentorship honors God and blesses the body of Christ. But I’ve learned a few things the hard way in this transition too. My hope in sharing them is to save other “older moms” a few awkward situations and wasted wrong turns. 

Remember Rightly

When I walked through the door to babysit the firstborn, eight-month-old son of a younger momma at church, I saw a cardboard box with a pillow propped up within. 

Seeing it brought back a flood of precious memories of forts, makeshift cars, and spaceships. I said aloud, “I love the wonder of a cardboard box. I miss those years.” And I do. 

Three hours later, after sitting in front of said box for over an hour playing with a single plastic spoon, I had a different memory of those cardboard box days. I had forgotten how boring it can be to sit in front of a box. So I told the momma that, too. Young mothers need to hear both.

Yes, the years fly by. I know that as a mother of high schoolers who are nearly grown men. But I also remember that the days often felt like watching paint dry. 

Older mommas, fight to remember rightly, so you can offer both empathy and hope to those deep in the trenches. What do you recall needing most? If it was a long walk, take another momma on one. If it was someone to champion your gifts, be that advocate for a momma whose gifts are gathering dust. 

Offer What God Has Given You

In the family of faith, we need the full spectrum of older mommas—the extroverts, the introverts, the ambiverts. We need the full-time-working mommas, the part-time-working mommas, the stay-at-home mommas, and the side-hustle mommas. We need the military mommas, the single mommas, the mommas who went through divorce, and the mommas who were widowed. We need the adoptive mommas, the foster mommas, and, last but not least, the spiritual mommas. Each brings a unique experience and wisdom to pour into younger mothers right where they are today.

Another older mother at our church opens her home weekly to our ever-growing group of young moms. They chat and pray and connect. While I pray for their time and champion her, I don’t go. It doesn’t fit into our world in this season (and it makes my introverted-self tired just thinking about it). But I love to meet one-on-one with young mommas as I can. I also babysit for a young momma for a few hours a week so she can keep her toes in her calling as a teacher. 

You cannot be everything to all the young mothers in your church or sphere of influence; in fact, it would be prideful and dangerous to think such. Yet, as the variegated body of Christ, we get to be the hands and feet and eyes of Christ to as many as we possibly can, collectively.[2] It’s more like a massive relay race than an individual sprint to pass the baton to the next generation.[3]

Feed Them Living Bread, Not Stale Advice 

Do you remember all the advice (some solicited, most unsolicited) you received in the early mothering years? Take that and multiply to the nth power, and you’ll have an estimate of how much advice younger mommas are getting daily. Newsfeeds are simultaneously telling them what high chair to buy, that high chairs are a relic from the ice age, and that they should whittle their own from acacia wood. 

As good as your advice might be, seek to offer Scriptures when at all possible. In another of the apostle Paul’s pastoral letters, he reminds his young mentee of the efficacy and efficiency of the God-breathed, Spirit-inspired Scriptures.[4] Amid popping hot takes, the Word of God remains profitable and powerful.[5] Advice ages and sometimes times out; God’s Word is timeless.[6]

Trends in parenting change like the wind. The Scriptures never change, because “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8). 

Before they know it, these young mommas will be the older mommas. Our methods of mothering them will be passed along to a new generation. So, while we have the opportunity, may we step into this significant role making much of our singular Savior! 

[1] Titus 2:3-5

[2] 1 Peter 4:10-11

[3] Psalm 145:4-6

[4] 2 Timothy 3:14-15

[5] 2 Timothy 3:16-17

[6] Isaiah 40:8