Risks: The Path to Growth

Sitting in the back of a yellow raft, I had a death grip on my three-year-old next to me. My five-year-old was next to her, with nothing between her and the white rapids. My seven-year-old sat alone in front of us, and my oldest was off in another raft with some friends. I was solo parenting in Thailand and when the river rapids hit, so did my regret. What had I done?   

We were temporarily living in Thailand at the time, and my husband was back home in Japan. I got swept away (quite literally) in the excitement of a visiting mission team from our church. A day of adventure, during what had been a lonely season, proved too enticing. My girls mostly squealed with naiveté throughout the hours-long ordeal. All the while, I wondered what I would tell my husband, as my hands flew from one child to the next, clinching life jackets with each bump, drop, and crash. 

Thank God we now recount the story and laugh. It could have ended differently. It was a risky decision and, while they say all’s well that ends well, if I were to go back and do it again, I would not expose my kids—at least the youngest two—to such a needless danger. 

I admit—raising our girls mostly overseas, we opened them up to more vulnerability than most parents we know. But I now have a couple of decades to look back on, and I am far more thankful than regretful for the risks we took with our kids. While white-water rafting in Thailand was a foolish choice for us at the time, I can now see the payoff of a lifetime of intentional risk-taking in other areas.

Physical Strength 

From the day our babies learn to crawl until they learn to drive and beyond, we constantly measure the risks in each setting. Electrical outlets, stairwells, monkey bars, soccer, gymnastics, swimming, learning to drive—growing kids must take real physical risks. It’s tempting to keep our babies in our arms, our school-age kids on the sidelines, and our teens at home, but overprotection often stifles physical growth. We have to let our toddlers stand, walk, and run, even if they get a few goose eggs on the way, so they can become fully mature. Physical risk-taking and physical strength grow in tandem. 

Emotional Strength 

Emotional strength also grows as a result of physical risk-taking. When our babies take those first hesitant steps, our reflex is to cheer them on. Even when they repeatedly fall down, we keep cheering, boosting their confidence and pleasure in putting forth a persistent effort. And so it is when our kids take any risk. At first, they fail, but we cheer and they overcome fear, grow confidence, and increase their optimistic outlook on life. Over and over, we rehearse to them a lifetime of, You can do this. It’s okay to fall short and try again. Practice makes progress. 

And it’s not just physical risks that grow emotional strength. Whether it’s trying the big kid swing, making a new friend on the playground, getting up the nerve to say I’m sorry first, trying out for the team, asking a date to the dance, or applying to college, risk is required. But with risk comes reward: a resilient child who becomes a resilient adult. 

Spiritual Strength 

I have a dear friend who is just ahead of me in mothering. When our kids were younger, I heard her constantly repeat to her children, “God will help you.” The phrase was rehearsed in the face of risk or hardship, such as the first day of school, resolving a fight, or healing from an injury. I adopted the phrase in our home too, and I’ve said it at least every few days for more than fifteen years. I say it because it’s true. And I say it because there is no better or stronger hope to offer. We must impart to our children and daily remind ourselves that our “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear” (Psalm 46:1-2a).

Here is the most important reason for you and me to allow our children to take risks: it will allow them to step out in faith, to seek God, and to find in him real comfort and help in both failure and success. I’m not suggesting you throw your three-year-old in a raft and say, “God will help you” (who would do that?). But all good things in life—not the least of which is answering God’s call to love him and love others—require great risk. Missions, ministry, loving, forgiving, marrying, teaching, belonging, neighboring, giving, working—honestly, just being—all require risk. Let’s teach our children from their first days, “God will help you.” 

Assessing Risks

My river rafting fail stands as a stark reminder that not all risk is good risk. It almost goes without saying that there are many dangers we should protect our children from. In this age, though, a lot of us likely err on the side of overprotection.

By all means, assess the risks. Be real about who you are, who your kids are, and the context in which God has placed you. We are called to walk in wisdom and steward our lives and children well. But there’s no substitute for taking risks if we want our children to grow. They will not gain physical capabilities, emotional resiliency, or faith in God without stepping out on their own.

Our God will help our children. He will be there. He is true to his Word. He will never leave us or forsake us or our little ones.[1] And as we first believe this ourselves, we can pass this confident faith on to them. 

[1] Hebrews 13:5; Romans 8:31-39