The Weight of Our Words: Biblically Encouraging Our Kids
I vividly remember the day all the seventh-grade girls were summoned to meet with the school counselor.
Nervous whispers filled the air as we huddled in the library, trying to figure out what we had done to get ourselves in trouble. Then, the counselor addressed the elephant in the room: she had heard a lot of backbiting and gossip among us. Her tone was firm, but her eyes were sympathetic. She must have remembered what it was like to be thirteen and how hard it is at any age to tame the tongue.
She then introduced a phrase she hoped we would remember before saying anything: "Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? If it isn't all three, it shouldn't be said."
It’s been over twenty years since that day, but I have held tightly—though imperfectly—to that phrase: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Wouldn't these three simple filters make a world of difference for us as moms?
The Power of Words
Every young mom embarks on the journey of motherhood with high aspirations. We strive to speak truth, kindness, and only what is helpful and necessary for our children. We cradle our newborns and whisper how much we adore them, and it's hard to imagine a day when we might spew words that sting. But soon enough, sleepless nights, hormonal surges, and toddler tantrums come our way. Our patience wears thin, and we lose control. We might even behave like the toddlers we're trying to parent.
In those moments, we quickly learn that words wield immense power. Our words can inspire courage or sow seeds of fear. They can uplift or tear down, shaping our children’s self-perception in ways we might not even realize. Harsh phrases like “What were you thinking?” or “Haven’t we talked about this?” can easily become the unsettling inner dialogue our kids carry into adulthood. Ultimately, the words we use express how we value—or don't value—our children as image bearers of God.
Transformed by the Word
As moms, we no longer have a school counselor to gently call us out. Instead, we have the Holy Spirit, who walks beside us with deep compassion and helps us navigate the beauty and messiness of parenting in a sin-stained world.[1] He shepherds us as we imperfectly shepherd our children. God cares about our words not only because he cares about our children but because he cares about us. By immersing ourselves in his Word and seeking him in prayer, our words can be transformed. The more intimately we know him, the more our words become reflections of his.
None of us will perfect our speech on this side of eternity. The book of James humbles us with the truth that "No human being can tame the tongue" (James 3:8). We are all being sanctified, stumbling through moments when our words hurt more than heal.
But here’s the good news: God extends unmerited compassion, even when we fail miserably.[2] His mercies are new not only every morning but every time we turn to him with humble hearts. For those who belong to Christ—the One who never let unkind or untrue words leave his lips[3]—we are covered by his perfect record of righteousness. We can be assured that no matter what words escape our lips, they cannot derail God’s perfect will for our lives or our children’s lives.[4]
Words of Blessing
Recently, I noticed my automatic response to my children's persistent calls of "Mama! Mama!" had devolved into a sharp, exasperated "What?!" Feeling convicted about how frustrated and impatient I sounded, I prayed for change. In his kindness, God prompted me to pause and reframe my response from "What?" to "Yes, Love?" It was a simple shift, but it worked wonders. I found it nearly impossible to say “Yes, Love?” with anger behind it. My tone softened, and along with it, my heart. My impatience faded, making way for tenderness and genuine joy.
As we seek to raise children who understand their worth in both our eyes and God’s, we can adopt biblically rooted blessings to speak over them. These simple reminders of his love and power can arm our kids with the confidence they need to live in a broken world. When the enemy tempts our children to believe lies, these words of truth can ring louder:
"No matter what, you are loved. Nothing you can do will ever change that" (see Romans 8:38-39).
"You will never be alone" (see Matthew 28:20).
"We can do hard things because God is with us" (see Deuteronomy 31:6).
"God is for you, and he's more powerful than your fears" (see Psalm 118).
"You are a precious gift from God" (see Psalm 127:3).
"Let's trust God with that (worry/decision). He'll show us the way" (see Proverbs 3:5-6).
As a parent, no one’s words have more power to lift up or tear down than ours. Our children need us to grasp the weight of our words. But even more, they need us to lean on Jesus, pointing them toward his strength, forgiveness, and enduring hope. When we anchor our hearts—and our speech—in Christ, we can help them understand their identities as beloved children of God.
[1] John 16:13
[2] Lamentations 3:22
[3] Hebrews 4:15
[4] Proverbs 19:21
