When the Foundations Shake: Comforting Our Children During Stressful Times
“Will you tell those people to stop shaking our house!?” exclaimed three-year-old Joel as he heard rattling next door. He shoved his hands over his ears, and I pulled him up onto my lap. “It’s okay, Joel. It’s only the neighbors’ gate.” We had already endured a number of strong terremotos (earthquakes) during our missionary tenure in Costa Rica, but this particular year, the tremors had been prolonged and intense.
Preparing for Fearful Realities
Joel’s reaction to the iron gate belied a deeper fear our children—and all of us—were wrestling with: trying to live normally in light of a potential earthquake at any moment. Like most parents, we wanted to protect them. So, we packed a suitcase to leave inside the back door of our house full of important items—passports, cédulas (residence visas), birth certificates, vaccination records, home documents, family photos, a flashlight, and a first aid kit. We needed ready access to these things in case we had to run out of the house quickly. We also learned to pay attention to natural phenomena like neighborhood dogs howling, since they could often sense an impending tremor before seismographs or human beings could.
Wise preparations like these are one way we tangibly comfort our kids in terrifying times. As they see us staying alert and active on their behalf, they can get a glimpse of their heavenly Father’s watchful protection.[1]
Crying Out to Jesus
Even with our emergency planning, though, tremendous fear surfaced for my family as we watched the earth literally give way (Psalm 46:2); we lived through a 7.7 earthquake, the strongest recorded in Costa Rica’s history. When it hit, I was at the local convenience store, holding my nine-month-old close while the shelving in the store collapsed. Canned goods, cereal boxes, and cleaning supplies scattered all over the floor and other shoppers frantically ran out of the store screaming, “Maria, ayudénos!” (Maria, help us!). Without restraint, I found myself yelling just as loudly, “Jesus, save us!” As I sprinted from the store, sheltering our daughter as much as I could, I watched cement telephone poles across the street bending back and forth as if made of rubber.
No matter what happens around us, the truth of Scripture holds true for our families: “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1). We might read a promise like this during our quiet time and think that sounds great, but it’s another thing entirely to actually live it out. We can model for our kids what it looks like to rely on God in the middle of a terrifying situation, actively bringing our fears and laments to him.
Trusting God’s Sovereignty
As we cry out to God as a family, we exercise trust that he is ruling and reigning over everything. One morning, as my children waited by the front door for the school bus, we experienced a fairly strong temblor (tremor) and watched as the gravel in our driveway danced up and down in a rhythmic fashion. My husband and I looked at each other, silently asking the question in front of us: Should we put the children on the school bus? Should we send them to classes today?
We wanted to hold our children close—to normalize their lives during this stressful time. And certainly, there are times not to keep going.[2] Feeling anxious, the children broke the silence, “What should we do, Daddy? Mommy?” We held hands with our kids and prayed out loud, “Lord, show us what to do. We commit our children into your hands for protection today.” As we prayed, God seemed to loosen “the reins” (Psalm 139:13a, KJV), giving us freedom to make a decision. Consciously recognizing God’s sovereignty and giving our children over to the Lord, we put our two oldest onto the school bus that day.
After they left, I remember pacing in our backyard and praying out loud, “Lord, David says that you ‘delivered [him] from all [his] fears’ (Psalm 34:4)—Do this for me!” When very real dangers lurk beneath our feet, it’s essential to work through our own fears and emotions like this with God. As we do, our lives and words can show “the next generation” who God is (Psalm 48:13-14)—that his care is really true for us, even when life seems out of control.
Resting in God’s Presence
Just as God says he is present with us in trouble,[3] we can strive to be present with our kids in the middle of anticipated danger. During the earthquake season, my husband and I dragged our queen-sized mattress into the children’s room. They were comforted by our nearness, and it also kept us close by in case we needed to flee the house if a strong quake hit at night. Years later, when our kids were older and we lived in Miami, they unrolled their sleeping bags on the floor of our bedroom during an impending hurricane. Our presence once again helped create a safe place that brought them comfort.
As our children needed to be away from us more at school, I practiced putting notes in their lunch boxes that would be an encouragement during the day. One of my kids often asked, “Where are you going to be today, Mommy?” It comforted him to picture my location that day.
Recently, one of my daughters gifted her little girl a locket with the family’s photos inside, something she could wear as a reminder of their nearness as she went to kindergarten. Likewise, age-appropriate technology like a Gabb watch can help children stay in touch when they’re at school; parents and grandparents can send emojis or love reminders.
Singing through the Night
During the season of earthquakes in Costa Rica, I learned to sing Scripture to my children before bed. As a particular verse consoled me, it simultaneously calmed their fears. One favorite song came from Psalm 4:8: “I will lay me down to sleep in peace for you alone make us to dwell in safety.” Another lullaby I sang spoke the truths on which we staked our lives: “Jesus is watching over you all the night through, even throughout the day.”
My now-grown Joel recently asked me to sing those songs again, so that his daughter could learn them. He remarked that he didn’t necessarily remember the trauma of the earthquakes, but “The familiarity of your ‘Lullaby’ was so nostalgic; it would calm us instantly.”
In stressful seasons, we need to hear truth over and over again until it sinks down deep into our souls. Music often helps with memorizing and invariably soothes us. So, singing can be a powerful way to help plant the gospel deep in our kids’ hearts, for years to come.
Passing on Life Lessons
The comfort we learn to give our children under earth-shaking stress holds true for all time. In circumstances outside of our control, we can work to be prepared practically. We can pray often as a family, crying out to the Lord as our only solid refuge. We can trust him through our own fears. We can practice God’s nearness by staying present with our children. And we can sing God’s truth over them.
Stressful times will continue to come and go during our children’s lives—an inevitable result of living in a broken world. But they can be teachable moments where we demonstrate and talk to our children about how to live faithfully and to trust God fully. Even when their world shakes, our kids can learn that Christ alone is a firm foundation who will always be with us—from now into eternity.
[1] Psalm 121:4
[2] Proverbs 27:12
[3] Psalm 46:1
