What We're Still Talking About 10: Technology Transcript
This transcript has been edited for clarity.
Emily Jensen: In those little years, Laura, it felt like the big question was whether or not I was going to let the kids watch a show—and what show and for how long—but I was totally in control of it, and a lot of it had to do with my own motivations. Just like assessing the wisdom of that choice in that moment.
Laura Wifler: Oh, yes, absolutely. It was all up to mom. You had total control. It was so wonderful, actually. It definitely came down to just this idea of moms’ heart attitudes, and I think you and I talked about this on our very first tech time show—which you guys can check in the archives. If you're listening, we'll link it in our show notes as well. I remember on that show, mainly the tension that we were talking about is: do we let them watch TV, or do we not? If we say yes, what's the reason why, or if we say no, what's the reason why?
It really focused on moms’ heart attitude, and whether we are using TV because we're tired, and we're just sick of parenting or disciplining or doing things like that—or maybe we felt like, "Oh, our kids are not going to watch any tech time because that makes me more holy. I'm going to make sure that I'm doing all the right things to nurture their little minds, and I can never let them use TV because I want to be pure and holy." It really came down to these two—freedom in Christ or purity and holiness—kind of decisions, it seemed like.
Emily: Yes. Definitely, those were the things we were wrestling through in those early years. Now, we've got kiddos that are approaching teen years, and we're really noticing that the questions are getting bigger, and the different types of devices—the different types of technology—are getting more intense. Not even just for our kids personally, but culturally, at large—6 to 11-year-olds often have unlimited access to personal devices like iPads and smartphones. Sometimes they have their own YouTube channel or their own Instagram account.
A lot of times, kids are able to download apps at will, and kid things are not actually appropriate for kids at all. It seems like now, it's not just Cocomelon episodes and how many are you willing to let them watch in a row? Elementary kids are on the front lines of really major risks with exposure to things like pornography and violence and grooming, etc. It's not about Cocomelon anymore. It's like—YouTube is the number one most popular app, but it's rated 17 plus.
Laura: Crazy.
Emily: It's crazy.
Laura: Yes. It's very clear now. I don't think it's a theory anymore. It's very clear; science-based research is proving that a lot of the things our kids have access to are not good for them and are not positive. There are, of course, still ways to use technology in a good way, and there are so many great benefits from it. I think what we're realizing is—in these middle years, as our children become more aware of other things, we can't protect them and control every little input like we used to be able to. Even if it's a situation where they're just saying, "Hey, I heard about this thing; my friend watched this thing," and it's not even like they saw something that they shouldn't have seen, but there's just a lot more child input into the tech and realizing they have their own opinions now, and they are aware of these things.
They know a lot more exists, and so there are a lot more conversations that we're starting to have.
Emily: Even research for 8 to 12-year-olds is showing those conversations are happening because daily screen use among tweens is somewhere between five hours and almost eight to nine hours a day. That's really significant, and so, again, even if in our own families we're not allowing that—or maybe even in some of the people we're around at church aren't allowing that—the culture at large—these are the norms out there. Our kids are encountering it.
Of course, there's also plenty of research out there that's showing, in the teen years, smartphone and social media use increases mental distress, self-injurious behavior, and suicide. That there really is that dose-response relationship in terms of how much somebody is using screens and tech and social media and what kind of effect that's having on their mental health in teen years. The things that we're doing today are setting up and setting the precedent for those types of pressures that are coming, and the decisions that we're making are going to affect that later.
It's just a really serious topic, and something that I think—when you've got babies and toddlers, and you're trying to decide whether or not to let them watch a cute, little show—we're really in new territory now, I would say. The things and the stakes that we're dealing with seem a lot higher.
Laura: Yes, so today, we want to talk about how we're thinking about tech time—how we're trying to biblically steward that with our children. One note that we want to make—and we even said this on the previous show, and I think it's really important—is that we are assuming that everyone listening right now—that we're talking to moms who are already using wisdom, already monitoring content. They are aware of what their children are inputting; they're researching on their own. You're already aware of a lot of this—the research and findings about screen time and the implications.
We're building off of a foundation that we're hopeful is already laid here, but yet one thing we're realizing—and this even happens to Emily and I—is that it's tiring. There's just so many things to research. There's so many things to talk about. I'm constantly Googling things and looking at parental ratings and parental guides, and feeling like, "Hey, this book series was fine for books 1 through 5, but then at 6, it takes this major turn," and it just feels exhausting. What we want to do too is just have a rah-rah show too, to just help moms be aware of these things and to be reinvigorated—and perhaps even come away with a few new tools in your pocket to be able to talk about these conversations.
And maybe even have your husband listen to this show so that you guys can be on the same page. And talk with your friends. These are not all the good ideas out there. There are lots of other good ideas—probably even better ideas—but these are just some of the things that we are thinking through.
Emily: Something that we are still thinking through that we mentioned earlier in the show is just—what's our motivation for letting our kids use whatever this tech is or this app is or this show or this entertainment that they're watching? Why are we letting them do that? Or if we're saying no, why are we saying no to that? What's behind that too? In anything, we can sometimes be motivated by fear. We can be motivated by apathy or laziness, right? Any one of us is susceptible to falling off the ditch to one side or the other—being so free that we're really not—
Laura: We’re just like, "Oh, God will take care of it. I don't remember when I was a kid, and I saw that stuff."
Emily: Yes, exactly. Like we're kind of abdicating our parental responsibility to care for them well because we're tired. On the other side of that, there can be this sense that, "If I just control everything, and I keep tabs on everything, and I don't let them engage with any screens or any tech, they won't have these problems, or they won't ever stumble, or they won't ever be hurt," and we can err in that as well. It's still important that we are looking under the surface.
Just a quick word of encouragement—we're not going to do this perfectly. Laura and I don't do this perfectly. We never have perfect heart motives for screen time when we're together, but we can always be seeking to worship the Lord in it and continue to evaluate and humbly ask the Lord to search our hearts as we make these decisions for our families.
Laura: Yes. I think, like Emily was saying, as we think through our heart motivations, there are good reasons and there are bad reasons why we might choose to engage with different media. Some of the reasons that don't justify media are things like, "Oh, all of my kids' peers have this, so it must be fine," or "I'm really tired of my child whining about this. I need to work. I need to clean. This video game—if it just gives me two hours—I know it'll suck them in. It's totally fine because then I'll be able to do the things I need to do."
That idea, like we talked about, of like, "Oh, they need to learn how to self-monitor, they need to learn how to control. Why don't we just start right now while I'm still in the home? I'll touch in every once in a while, but we'll give them freedoms because they got to learn anyway." Or even that idea that we talked about too is: "Oh, I watched a lot of bad stuff growing up. I don't remember any of it. Kids are resilient; who cares?" Any of those might be reasons where we would say, "Hey, that's not a reason to justify engaging in media."
Some good reasons might be things like, "Okay, I think my child is developmentally ready for this type of technology or this engagement." Or we've laid out clear boundaries and expectations, and we don't feel like we have to do this. "My child understands that we may be pivoting; we may be changing."
Another thought is: we think that this exposure is a good chance for training. It's not, because "Hey, they're going to self-regulate," but it's more so because, as a parent, I'm going to be with them. I'm going to be engaging with them, I'm going to help them understand how to make godly choices, to have self-control. A big thing with this that we have found to be true is that, in all of this, we're willing, as parents, to take time to talk about it, to change, to walk with our kids in it. It's not something where we're using it as a crutch to try to kind of get out of our parental responsibilities, essentially.
Emily: I have used it as a crutch before to get out of my parental responsibilities. I'm just telling you now.
Laura: Emily, confession time.
Emily: I know.
Laura: I never have. [Laughter]
Emily: Oh, I don't want it to sound like we never have. We get it.
Laura: Oh my gosh, we get it. We're just riffing off some stuff here, yes.
Emily: We are preaching to ourselves. We don't want to do that. I need that rah-rah. Give me the rah-rah, Laura: "Don't do that, Emily."
Laura: Okay, that was kind of a big list, sorry. Does it feel like a hammer?
Emily: That's a good list. No, it's good. We need to hear that. I think it's good.
Laura: Okay.
Emily: Another thing that we need to think through is just—how does this technology use fit into our family's values and priorities and goals? Ultimately, it's God and his Word that governs our lives and our decisions. Proverbs 4:23 says this: "Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flows the springs of life." There are a lot of things in Scripture that talk about something similar here, but it's really saying, "Hey, we need to keep our heart tied to the truth of God's Word—to be led by the Spirit, to be wanting to obey his commands and his wisdom."
Really, to be willing to submit every aspect of our lives and decisions to him, versus feeling like, "Ooh, I've got to submit to what the culture does," or "Ooh, I'm going to submit to my fears in this." We let God rule. In that, he's going to lead each Christian family a little bit differently. Each Christian family has a little bit of different values or the things that they feel are really important or the really specific ways that they live out their calling. The way that families make disciples is going to look a little bit different.
There are even families that are going to say, "We love watching movies together and talking about them as a family. That's something we really value." There's room for that value. There's room for a lot of different specific ways that this plays out. I think a lot of it is just thinking about it critically or just really analyzing it and taking time to say, "Hey, where does this iPad use fit in with our plan and our hopes and our goals for our family?"
Laura: Yes. I think every mom probably goes through a little season where they're like, "Ooh, I’m really going to think about tech time and how we're going to use it." Then you just start fading off because, like we talked about at the beginning, it can get very exhausting. I like what Emily is saying here. And we do have a show on—I think it was creating a family mission statement or determining your family values.
Emily: Oh, yes.
Laura: We'll link that in the show notes if you're like, "How do I even begin thinking about what my family is all about?" Tech is one of those things that we would implore all moms to say, "Hey, take time to think about this." Don't just let this become this thing that floats around in your family, and there's full access to iPads and full access to TV and any shows you want, but that it's something that there is intentionality to it.
Holistically, we want to think intentionally about how we are going to fill our kids' hearts, their souls, with the good, true, and the beautiful. What does it look like to show them the beauty of life, to show them Sabbath rest, to show them how to work hard for Christ and how to rest in Christ? All of those things.
We just have a little list here—another list, here we go—of things that we can be prioritizing even over tech time. That, on some level, as we do these things—I know whenever I'm more intentional with these types of things—sometimes it can feel harder at first. It feels like there's this roadblock to get there, but then, over time, it becomes a part of your culture, and it becomes more natural and easy and something you look forward to.
It's like eating good food versus just reaching for the quick cookie—but instead, cutting up the vegetable. You know, over time, that is way better for you, and it's quite enjoyable. There are really delicious strawberries out there.
Emily: Oh, yes.
Laura: The other day, I brought home some grapes for my kids, and they were like, "Mom, buy those grapes every time." I was like, "I buy red seedless grapes all the time. I have no idea what they're going to taste like." Sometimes they're really good, though. Anyway, that was a tangent.
Emily: You're talking about training appetites, right? Which is what we're trying to do.
Laura: Yes, that's what I'm talking about. Mm, good.
Emily: We're training appetites because we want to give them an appetite for outside play, right?
Laura: Yes.
Emily: Being in—enjoying God's creation, enjoying the fresh air, getting that sunshine. It's not that you have to be anti-screen as a mom, but if you're really encouraging, "Let's get outside and play," just, practically, there's going to be less time to be on a phone. Or there may be less interest in doing that because "I'm going to go outside and finish my stick fort. I don't want to play on this iPad game" or whatever.
Another thing we can prioritize is good sleep habits and talking to them about how important that is for health.
Laura: Kids love that.
Emily: Yes, they love that, I know.
Laura: Please talk about that. [Laughter]
Emily: I'm not saying it's a donut. I'm saying it may be a little bit more like loving broccoli.
Laura: Seriously—and going back, though, too—you were talking about prioritizing outside play. One thing with that is that there will be maybe a dissonance or disconnect. This is what I was trying to say is that, when you are detoxing from tech—and that might be like: my kids go to a weekend away at a grandparent, or we've just had sickness in the house, and we have just lost all rules around TV and I’m like, "Whatever—just keep the movies rolling." There is a detox that needs to happen, but it leads to better enjoyment down the road. That's what I guess I'm trying—
Emily: Perfect.
Laura: What I was poorly saying previously.
Emily: No, it's great.
Laura: Okay.
Emily: Okay. Another one we can prioritize is time with God's people and building relationships—in-person community. This is one of those things research is showing—that teenagers who are using screens a ton don't have good interpersonal skills. They're extremely lonely.
Laura: Yes.
Emily: They don't know how to converse.
Laura: They don't know how to talk to each other. And I've heard this from parent after parent after parent: they don't know how to talk to each other.
Emily: I think if we're encouraging that, there's just less time to be interested in or alone on a device, when you're used to hanging out with friends in real life.
Prioritizing reading—this can be something together as a family out loud or something each child does on their own—but taking in good books and realizing, "Hey, there's good stories here too. There's things that are entertaining here too"—that leaves less time for screens. Or even being strategic and using a CD player or an audiobook can help get those good stories into people.
It's just a little bit—get those stories into your kids. It's a little bit less stimulating than a screen, and they can still be using their hands to do some type of imaginative play or motor skills like drawing or building with blocks.
Laura: There is so much research around the benefits of reading aloud. Again, that's another one that's just incredible for your child. The CD player—every once in a while, I will use it because my voice gets tired really easily—probably because we podcast all the time. I don't know. My voice—like, why is it so tired? I work it out all the time. I would say too—and if you're picking great literature, you will be caught up in those stories too. It takes time and it takes research, but—we will build fires. Em and I both love—we're going to put that on the list: building fires. Let's add that.
Emily: Kids love building—they love fires.
Laura: They literally do, yes. If you don't have an indoor fire and it's winter, light a candle. There's something very real about the ambiance that a contained fire brings. Doing that around a fire and making a sweet drink—it's just a beautiful way, I think, to teach your kids about stories and adventure and using their imagination. I'm just doing an extra plug for that one.
Emily: Oh yes, okay. So, another one is to encourage your kids to work and have chores and have ways that they serve others and steward their things. I know, on Saturdays—our kids just groan, but we explain, "Saturday is another workday, and it's a different type of work. It's not schoolwork; it's work around the house. There are things that we have to take care of that the Lord gave us. We're going to fold all this laundry, and we're going to clean this up, and we're going to clean out the garage, and we're going to go wash the car, and we're going to do these things. This is part of taking care of God's things." Our kids don't have a lot of time for screens on Saturday.
Pragmatically, if we are pouring our lives into eternal things, into serving, into living for God's glory as we schedule and order our days, there simply isn't going to be as much time for screens to dominate." We—Laura and I—are also talking about how any good thing that we do or any kind of entertainment can enslave us if we're not careful, if we don't put boundaries on it, if we don't order it correctly in our days. Even with our kids, there's times when even a book—
Laura: —I was going to say that.
Emily: Even a book.
Laura: Even a book, for as great books are.
Emily: —Yes, can start to interfere with the responsibilities that God has given our kids. I think it's just trying to think about, holistically—"Okay, how are we ordering our kids' lives around things that really matter and showing them, 'You've got to keep some of these other things contained in their appropriate place'?"
Laura: Right, yes. Like, talking to them. I know I have one who will read first thing when they wake up, and I'm like, "Hey, let's get ready first, and then leftover time can be given to reading." Those priorities were reversed for a time. It's still something that we kind of struggle with. This child is very into reading, and it's like, "That's my heartbeat. It's exactly what I want for my family"—but just realizing that these good things are still not the best thing.
Another one is just asking, "How can I use this tech as a training ground?" Again, this isn't something that we necessarily thought of a ton when our kids were little. Maybe they were watching Baby Einstein, which—I was talking to some new moms the other day—Baby Einstein—they didn't even know what it was. They didn't even know. They're like, "Ms. Rachel" or something. I don't know. It was just something new. We're very out of touch now.
Emily: We're so old-fashioned.
Laura: But trying to stimulate our child’s brain—I think that's maybe what we were thinking about as first-time moms, but now we're really starting to think about, "Okay, how do we train our children to engage in these platforms?" And not to just be as strict as possible and control everything but to really allow them to make some mistakes while it's low stakes, while they're at home with us, while we're there to help them. Of course, we want to protect them from stuff, but we also want to just begin to lighten up those reins and allow them to make some decisions and allow them to understand, "Hey, what do we do whenever maybe something did come up that we shouldn't be seeing?"
With that, another foundational truth that we need to start training our kids—especially as they get a little bit older and can understand this—is that they are going to feel like strangers in the world. They are going to feel like exiles. The Bible calls us strangers and exiles in the New Testament. That is where—oftentimes, I'll talk with my children about, "Hey, we're going to feel a little bit different than other families. We're going to engage in things that other families might not and vice versa. We're going to abstain from things." I think that's something that our kids can begin—especially in these middle years, oftentimes they're a little more accepting because they haven't quite had their friends become their main influence yet. We're still their main influence, and that's been helpful.
On the personal conscience show, if you listen to that, we talk about house rules versus God's rules. That's something where I'll talk with my kids like, "Hey, that's just a family rule. Different families will have different thresholds, and they're going to do different things, but because we love you, because we want what's best for you, we're going to choose not to show that to you right now." Or "We're not going to get you a phone right now because we don't really think that that's something that you need."
You can get into some of the research—know your child. One of my kids is really into science, and he would gobble that up. One of my other kids is just into fashion. It's just like, "That's just not going to be an accessory we have right now." Know your child, but talk with them about it and bring them along and help them to understand that, as Christians, we will do things differently than the rest of the world.
Emily: Along those lines with discipleship, I heard of this really helpful tool at a church training one time called the Discipleship Square. It's something that we've thought of in the context of technology. I'm going to try to walk you guys through it, but you'll have to go over to our show notes to see it.
Laura: We're going to make it into a little graph thing, so that—
Emily: You can understand.
Laura: Yes. Emily is telling me, and I'm like, "You do." Go.
Emily: There are all these lines, and they make a square, but the first part in the Discipleship Square is "I do, you watch, we talk." Essentially, I think of this as definitely the littlest years. It's like, "I am making all of the media choices for you, and I am telling you why I'm making the media choices I'm making when it's age appropriate. If I'm going to pivot away or change from a video, we're going to talk about why. I'm going to fully control all their time, all their devices. I am 110% in charge. I do—mommy does, mommy decides—you watch the boundaries that I have."
I also think that this is true in terms of us establishing our own personal habits and our kids watching us and how we use our phones. "Mom, are you on Instagram again?" Or "Mom, what are you over there doing on your phone?" Or "Mom, I want your attention." They're watching us in the way we are using technology as well.
Then the second part of that is "I do, you help, we talk." Now, this is the stage where I feel like our kids are getting into now, in 8, 9, and 10. They are helping, in a small way, make decisions about their preferences and what they want to do or watch or play within the bounds of our family rules and mom and dad's boundaries.
They might suggest or choose something, and we decide together, "Is that wise or good? You're helping make that decision." And we'll talk about why. Or if an older child wants to watch a movie that we think, "Okay, that's permissible, but it's a little bit intense or a little scary," we'll watch it together and pause it and talk afterward and say, "What do you think? How does that inform future decisions?"
Laura: Yes, I like this one a lot, Emily, because this is the stage that we're in as well. Probably a lot of the moms who are listening—perhaps you're in this stage. That's something where we often talk about, "What was the redemptive value in that movie or in that book even?" We'll talk through, too, hero stories and hero narratives, and why do we love a hero so much? There are just a lot of biblical connections. It's not like I'm stopping in the middle of a movie, and I'm like, "Why do we like this hero?" We're watching the movie, we're enjoying it, we're talking sometimes about how this isn't real.
Sometimes we'll talk through those things as our kids need it, or sometimes my kids can't follow the storyline, and so we'll also pause and talk about things. Then it might be a day or two later where we debrief on the movie. I don't want all technology to always feel like "This is a teaching moment now." Instead, it might be like—I'll hear my kids bring up this movie later on, and I'll start to ask some questions and try to get them to think about it more deeply, so that, with all movies, they can start to understand: "In what ways does this honor God? In what ways maybe did that not, and what can we learn from that?"
I think that that's a way to say we're going to talk through these movies. I really want to help our kids. I think it's important as parents—we help them learn to see on their own why that isn't always a great choice. For them to come to that conclusion, so that, together—I remember, we had a book in our home where I ended up talking to one of my children about it. We talked about what was in there, and they weren't already all the way complete with the book. They actually came to me to tell me what was in the book.
We talked together, and they decided of their own accord to say, "I think I'm going to return this book to the library and not finish it." It was just amazing to see the Lord just work in their little hearts and to show them what a good answer might be to this, instead of just bringing down the hammer and being like, "We're not doing that—there's no explanation." Instead, to lead them and help guide them to their decisions.
Emily: Yes, and even within apps or something where there's a lot of choices, where you said, "Okay, I'm saying that you can have this app or have access to that iPad"—or even at school, I know they have access to an app that has a lot of books on it. I am helping them. I'm not there at school to make those choices for them but preventatively talking about—you'll notice "We talk" is part of every single one of the components of the Discipleship Square because we're going to talk about, "Hey, what kinds of books might you see? How would you know if a book is something maybe you wouldn't want to read? Watch out for these things." And letting them know, "Watch out, watch out, watch out." Again, not in a weird, creepy, I'm-scaring -you-about-everything way, but in the course of normal conversation, we're going, "Just because it's in this app, just because it's at school doesn't make it a good book. There's bad—really bad, evil, godless books out there, and you could stumble across one."
Let's go to the next part of the square—now shifting to "You do, I help, we talk." This is something that I assume we'll move into more in like late-stage middle school or high school years, where within, again, the boundaries of the family, they're going to take on more freedom and more responsibility under our care to make decisions with tech, although they're not going to have total autonomy.
We are still going to help them: "What do you do when you encounter something that is bad? How are we going to have overarching boundaries and talk through what's going on?" Then, eventually, what we're moving to is "You do, I watch, we talk." They're in college; I'm watching. I have given it over to you to do. I think what's been helpful for me is to realize these last few years that we have to keep moving through the square because they will eventually be at this endpoint where I don't have control over—my husband and I are not looking over their shoulder to see what they're doing on their phone.
It's important that we don't go from the first part of the square to the last part of the square and don't move through the middle. I think that's just something that has even made me make some decisions that are like, "Ooh, it's a little out of my comfort zone. I'd rather just control everything"—because it's really, really important to me that we do those things while they're still in our house. We don't go from "100% mom and dad controlled everything and restricted everything" to "You have 100% freedom, and we can't see anything that you're doing."
Laura: Lastly, another thing we talk about a lot—I know, Emily, you do this at home too—is we talk about content—so, all types of media, whether written or technology—that it’s very much like food. It's an analogy that we use as we pick out books from the library or when we are on Netflix or anything like that. Basically, it goes like this. If it's poison, we don't consume it at all. "Poison pictures" is a common word. There's a great book we'll link in the show notes that talks about—basically, pornography—but calling it "poison pictures." There are other things, right?
Emily: Violence.
Laura: Yes, that are not just pornography, but that is also poison. Then we talk about stuff being like sweet treats, donuts, and candy, and different things like that where "Hey, okay, that's fun, but it's really not nourishing. It's not long-term and sustaining. We want to just have a little bit of that; we don't want that to be our whole meal or what we're sustained with." Then lastly, we talk about how we want to be going for things that are healthy, things like the vegetables and the fruits and the bread. And even thinking about Jesus being the Bread of Life—and his Word, the Bible, is what's going to nourish us the most.
We talk about that with our kids, and I think that that has been a really helpful thing for them to understand, "Yes, I don't want to eat poison. Yes, I do understand." My kids have gone through those days where they've eaten way too much sugar, and they feel bad. I’ve let them feel that before because I want them to understand that "See, it's not just me saying this. Now you know that that tummy ache is not worth all that candy." That has been really helpful as we talk about content.
Emily: It's fun too to watch our kids get it, and looking at a book, they'll be like, "This is a donut, isn't it?" [Laughter] Yes, or there's things on YouTube that they come across that I'm watching, that they're watching, and it's like—they know this is ridiculous. I can see it in their eyes, and they know. It's like—this is so weird that somebody is unboxing this thing and I'm watching it—
Laura: But yet it's so compelling, and it's sucking me in. [Laughter]
Emily: You're like, "Okay, Skittles—this is candy. A little bit of this isn't going to poison you, but yes, if you existed on a steady diet of this all the time, it would be really unhealthy for your brain and your heart." It's a really helpful analogy.
I know the last tip that we wanted to give—that Laura and I are thinking through in this season—is how we can get community around us—our kids' closest family, friends, things like that—where possible, as long as we're not binding other people's consciences—going back to that show—to try to make similar decisions and talk because, yes, our kids are going to feel like exiles, but it is really helpful to have a few peers or peer families where you can say, "Hey, we're in this together, and we're encouraging one another." I know Laura’s and my kid and our other family that lives nearby—we have, on a macro level, really similar decisions. It's really great to say, "Yes, cousins don't have that either."
Laura: Yes.
Emily: For them to not feel totally isolated, although that would be okay if that's what it was. We would still make whatever decisions, but it has been helpful to know that there is a group of people around us that's doing something similar.
Laura: Right, and you can't know everything. Like we talked about, you're not going to be perfect about this, but yet, having a group of moms with you in this—I imagine this much like—again, we're referring to the personal conscience show a lot—but we're different moms with different interest areas. You may have one mom that's really good at vetting movies and knowing books, or you may have another mom that knows all of the stuff to put on your internet to keep it safe and—
Emily: Or is little bit of a step ahead. She's like one year ahead.
Laura: Exactly, or five, and just really helpful knowledge. Get with other mom friends, talk about it, be open about it, don't be afraid to ask questions. I feel like, in this conversation, no question should be off-limits. You should be allowed to ask anything, to be able to talk about anything, and to not feel silly of, "Hey, is this appropriate? Is this not? What are you doing? What are you doing?" I know with Emily, I'm like, "If you get a phone without me knowing for your child"—she will be in big trouble. We've got like a good understanding where we feel like, as parents, we are going to raise our kids up together.
Like Emily said, I think there is strength in numbers, and it is a gift from the Lord if you're able to have that, but be talking about this. Far too often, what we see is that moms are just choosing to not talk about it, or it just feels like too big of a topic. We'll just go with the flow, but instead, we just want to encourage you to continue to be intentional on this topic and to really help guide your child through these years as you work through that quadrant—that you would be a parent who is involved and just showing your kids what is good, true, and beautiful throughout it all.
Emily: The thing that we keep preaching to ourselves, that we really want to pass on to our kids as we're thinking ahead to the coming years, is that Jesus really is better than any app that they're going to find, any video that they're going to watch, any media that their friends have that they feel like they really want to have. Knowing Christ and being nourished by his Word really is the most wonderful thing they could know or experience. I know I was reading in Psalm 16 recently about—"At his right hand are pleasures forever more."
Who's sitting at God's right hand? Jesus. It is in Christ that there are pleasures forever more. We're not pointing our kids to their own strict rules or their own strict boundaries or making sure that they never ever make a mistake. We're pointing our kids to Christ, and saying, "You can put your hope in him, and he is going to be with you no matter what happens," as we walk forward and think about decisions with technology.
