3 Parenting Principles from Paul

Do you ever find yourself in instructions-only mode with your kids? I know I do. The decibel level of delivery often varies based on how many times I have had to repeat myself: “Make sure you brush before bed.” “Eat the broccoli on your plate.” “Stop bullying your brother.” Or my personal favorite—yelling with unabandoned frustration: “BE NICE TO EACH OTHER.” Yeah, that one really works. Depending on the volume of said instruction, it can stun my children into silence. For five minutes. And then, inevitably, the bickering resumes.

The apostle Paul wasn’t a stranger to issuing instructions either. Throughout his New Testament letters, he had several important commands he wanted to communicate to his spiritual children.

In his first letter to the church in Corinth, for example, Paul is called to discipline the believers for their lack of unity, their sexual immorality, their excuses, and their explanations. In fact, he clearly states he intends to “admonish” them as “beloved children” (1 Cor. 4:14).

But here’s what Paul does first—he tells them he is grateful for them, and he reminds them of who they are in Christ. In the introduction to the letter, Paul writes:

I give thanks to my God always for you because of the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus,  that in every way you were enriched in him in all speech and all knowledge—even as the testimony about Christ was confirmed among you—so that you are not lacking in any gift, as you wait for the revealing of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. (1 Corinthians 1:4-9)

Paul could have taken one look at their less-than-exemplary behavior and resorted to yelling and impatience—like I too often do. But instead, he approaches this wayward church with gentleness and love. Here’s what we can learn as moms from his example:

1. Let your children know you’re grateful for them. 

In almost every letter, Paul mentions that he is grateful for the people he is writing to.[1] You and I, too, are blessed beyond measure with the gift of our children. Even in difficult seasons, it’s a privilege to shape and steward these souls for God’s glory. Can we be intentional about simply saying to our kids: “I’m thankful for you”?

2. Remind them of who they are in Christ. 

Like every image bearer, our kids have a calling on their lives. They have been created by God with purpose. Perhaps they are floundering right now because of insecurity. We can show them from the Word that, in every way, as they follow Christ in faith and are empowered by the Spirit, they are “enriched in him in all speech and all knowledge” (1 Corinthians 1:5). Instead of endlessly trying to prove themselves, we can help our children walk in the confidence that, in Christ, they don’t lack any spiritual gift because of what he has done for them.[2]

3. Point them to the One who sustains them. 

With tremendous cultural pressure to excel at academics or sports or music or other achievements, our kids can tend to run from responsibility. I don’t blame them. If I were growing up today, I would find a cozy comforter and hibernate under it for several seasons! But here’s a reminder from Paul: we can show our kids that they are not alone: Christ Jesus is the One who sustains them to the end, and he is faithful.[3]

Paul’s letter begins with these “indicatives.” Indicatives essentially lay out the idea of who we are in Christ and how we have been enriched and equipped by him. Only after helping his readers grasp their riches in Christ, does Paul unpack the instructions—or “imperatives” in Christian theology. Imperatives outline what we are to do for God as a response to what he has done for us and in us. In his letters, we see Paul balances such imperatives and indicatives with a dexterity that can only be produced by the Holy Spirit.

As parents, we can learn from this model in Scripture. We are to definitely bring up our children in the “instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). But as part of their training, we also want to constantly remind them of who they are and Whose they are by faith in Christ. Before laying out the imperatives, may we remind them—and ourselves—of the indicatives—the matchless grace of the gospel. May our instructions to our children rest on the solid foundation of Jesus and all that he has done for us and in us.

[1]  Ephesians 1:15-16; Philippians 1:3; Colossians 1:3

[2] 1 Corinthians 1:7

[3] 1 Corinthians 1:8-9