How Do I Talk to My Kids about Tragic Events?

“Wait, there were terrorist attacks yesterday?” My 9-year-old asked me, his tone somber. Like many of you, I’ve fumbled through heartbreaking questions like these, trying to help my kids process the stories they’ve heard of heinous attacks and the loss of many innocent lives. Life in a fallen world is filled with bad news and tragic headlines. Whether it’s school shootings, hate crimes, female gendercide, war, floods, famines, or disease outbreaks, we’re often left wondering: What do I tell the kids? 

How can we point them to the hope of the gospel in a world so marred by suffering? And how do we sensitively care for their young and tender hearts in the process? Here are a few places we can start:

1. Consider What Your Kids Can Handle

As Christian moms called to love and pursue truth,[1] we want to be honest with our kids. It might feel easier to ignore or downplay the hard reality of evil, but in the long run, it can do our kids a disservice. In order to teach our children how to turn to God in a sin-sick and suffering world, we can’t try to sanitize it. Why? Because no matter how much we try to insulate them, our kids will eventually awaken to the fallen world they are living in. So, instead of shielding them from this reality, we can disciple them through it—just as our Father does with us. 

But being honest doesn’t mean we must expose every grisly detail we know. Psalm 103:13-14 can beautifully guide us here: “As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.” So too can we shepherd our kids with thoughtfulness and sensitivity, prayerfully discerning what truths may be appropriate to communicate given their age and maturity. 

In my own family, this has looked like filtering out select details at times. For instance, we’re family friends with refugees from Syria, and my children are aware of the basic causes that brought them here. We’ve discussed the danger and destruction that was caused by the war in Syria. My children know, for instance, that our friends’ house was bombed. They know that one of our friends was shot and kidnapped, and that that’s why he often winces in pain. But they don’t know the gruesome details about the torture he endured. I want to help them grow compassion for our friends—and for other refugees—and the big picture of suffering is adequate for that. 

2. Connect Tragedies to the Fall 

We might feel unequipped to help our kids understand the nuances and complicated histories and social injustices that cause so much pain in our world. We aren’t experts. We’re limited in our knowledge and perspectives. 

But while we can’t adequately explain the causes and effects of specific expressions of humanity’s problems, we can connect those problems to the fall. God made people in his own image—to worship him, love one another, and enjoy his good creation. It is man’s rebellion that’s brought so much devastation.[2] 

Sin is the root of violence and racism and sexism and greed and injustice. It’s the cause of war and genocide and human-trafficking. So, when our kids hear tragic news and ask, “Why did that person shoot those children at school?”—we can, first and foremost, lament with them the devastation of sin and remind them that our world is not how it’s supposed to be. Because humanity has strayed from God’s good designs, we now experience—and grieve—all manner of pain and suffering.

3. Admit What You Don’t Know

The “problem of evil” is something most people—including children—wrestle with. Our kids may ask questions like: If God is all-powerful, why won’t he stop terrorists? If God controls nature, why’d he allow that hurricane? Why doesn’t God just stop the bad guys and save the innocent? If God is good, then why . . . why . . . why?

There aren’t neat and tidy answers to these questions. So rather than trying to give a perfect explanation, we can learn to humbly say, “I don’t know.” Because the truth is, we don’t. God’s ways are not our ways.[3] His knowledge is beyond our understanding. And though we may wish we had something better to offer than our “I don’t knows,” our children may grow to appreciate—and even be comforted by—our honesty more than trite and shallow answers. After all, if we don’t know or understand, it shows it’s ok for them to feel that way, too. We can continue trusting God in our questions.

4. Focus on Who God Is

However, all our “I don’t knows” can be bracketed with what we do know about God. We don’t know why he doesn’t intervene in the ways and timeframes that we want him to. But we do know that God loves the world infinitely more than we do. He loves it so much that he sent his own Son to die for our sins and bring us into eternal life with him.[4] We know that “The LORD is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works” (Ps. 145:17). He works in perfect wisdom and understanding.[5] He is the God of justice and righteousness.[6] He hears the cries of the afflicted and oppressed.[7] He will not let evil go unpunished.[8] And though there is much to weep over now, someday “he will wipe away every tear” from our eyes (Rev. 21:4).

God hasn’t given us all the answers we want, but he has made himself known. Let’s teach our children to look past the heart-rending things we can’t explain to see our good and faithful Savior, who is “the same yesterday and today and forever” (Heb. 13:8). 

5. Model a Christian Response

As we talk with our kids about tragic headlines and happenings in our world, we’ll be confronted with all that we can’t do. We can’t end wars. We can’t stop racism. We can’t eradicate poverty. We can’t heal diseases. But that doesn’t mean the Christian is left without a meaningful response. 

As we seek to disciple our kids through life in a dark world, we can also model to them what it means to live as light. When we see a catastrophic headline, we can stop and pray to our almighty God and intercede for those affected. When a hurricane leaves homes in ruin, we can talk with our kids about generosity and include them when we give towards relief efforts. When there’s news of a hate crime, we can look for practical ways to serve neighbors who might be vulnerable to discrimination and mistreatment. 

The news might tell story after story of brokenness and evil, but our God tells a better story—one of healing and redemption and restoration. So, we can teach our children to lament but not despair. To grieve but not as those without hope.[9] And we can show them how to extend God’s compassion and mercy to a suffering world as we await life in a new one.

[1] Prov. 12:22, 14:5; Col. 3:9

[2] Gen. 3; Rom. 5

[3] Is. 55:8-9; Rom. 11:33-36

[4] John 3:16

[5] Rom. 11:33

[6] Ps. 89:14

[7] Ps. 10:17-18

[8] Is. 13:11

[9] 1 Thess. 4:13