No Regrets: Looking Towards the Life We Were Made For

You’re missing out . . . Life is passing you by.

I swat back the worries, willing away their condemning whispers. But still, they circle.

You can’t go back. It’s too late . . .

I’m not sure what wind blew them in—this time. Maybe it was a hard week of anxiety and depression that left me sidelined in my own life. Or something my 3-year-old said that exposed how fast she’s growing up. A pattern of sin I found seeping into our home’s atmosphere. Maybe it was a conversation with another mom or an Instagram post that left me burying my self-worth.

Regret. I’ve felt it more times than I care to admit. Even just the fear of it undoes me. I desperately want to be a good mom, but wherever I turn, I see a sand timer counting down the moments I have left and a 24/7 replay of all my shortcomings.

Have you felt it too? As Christian moms, our minds swirl with (often good and even biblical!) messaging that amplifies our desperation to do all things right: “Only one life, ‘twill soon be past . . .” “Make the most of your time.” “Live as wise stewards.” “Cherish every moment!” While encouragements like these can help us capture fleeting opportunities for obedience and discipleship, left in isolation, they might lead us to put too much emphasis on this life. We may inadvertently start believing everything rises and falls by our performance in the here and now.

Instead, friends, let’s remember the gospel. Whether we’ve done things we wish we hadn’t or haven’t checked the boxes we feel like we should, there is hope in Christ. For all the layers of regret we may feel—from sin, suffering, missed opportunities, and more—we can look ahead in hope. God is redeeming these days we’re living out and faithfully moving us towards our truer and better, eternal life with him.

When we regret our sin.

Since the garden, every human has battled a warped inner will, even after trusting Christ. This means we will always look back over our shoulder and see a trail of sinful mistakes. When we lashed out in anger at our kids. When we made a foolish financial decision out of greed or envy. When fear of man kept us from standing for biblical truth. When we pridefully whitewashed our story with another mom. When we let bitterness divide a relationship. When we chose our own comfort or entertainment instead of discipling a child in needful ways. Moments like these bring a right sense of regret to our hearts.

It's good to feel the consequences of wrongful actions and to be humbled by our own inability to keep God’s perfect law—time and time again. Scripture commends mourning over sin.[1] But in the end, this regret must lead us to repentance or it will leave us hopeless.

The apostle Paul helps us navigate sinful regret in light of the gospel. He pulls no punches in voicing his own self-frustration: “I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. . . . Wretched man that I am!” (Romans 7:15-24). But then he immediately casts himself at the Savior’s feet in faith: “Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (v. 24-25).

When we feel the sting of the Spirit shining his light on our past sinful choices as moms, we too can come running to Jesus. He is our holy, perfect covering.[2] We can deeply regret the relational impacts or the difficult circumstances our actions may have caused while still clinging tightly to the truth that “there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). Our slate has been wiped clean. And one day, our inner man will be freed forever from its fleshly foe—praise be to God! 

When we regret our sufferings.

Not all regrets spring directly from our sin. Scripture makes it clear that “in the world [we] will have tribulation” (John 16:33). Thanks to the far-reaching effects of the fall, all manner of trials and suffering now hit our motherhood, and many good things go by the wayside. Perhaps our body is ravaged by disease and we regret a loss of time or influence with our kids. We might regret a traumatic experience that stole innocence or opportunities from us. Maybe a mental health struggle shattered various dreams or expectations for family life. Or perhaps we tragically lost a child and regret countless moments that might have been. These situations and many others prick our mama hearts with the deep pangs of “if only.”

But just like with our sinful regrets, suffering-related regrets press us deeper into the mercies of our Savior. John 16:34 reminds us to “take heart,” for Jesus has “overcome the world.” Revelation 21:4 promises us freedom one day from all tears and death and mourning and crying and pain. Ultimately, we find other-worldly comfort in the fact that this life is coming to its appointed end, and with it, all the devastation and brokenness we’ve experienced. Jesus will redeem it all.

When we regret missed opportunities.

Maybe your regret lies more in a middle ground—a feeling of ambiguous loss that permeates everyday life. There’s so much we could and should and want to invest in and experience with our kids, but we’re just one embodied, time-bound being. We have limits, and while that’s not a bad thing, it also contributes to feelings of remorse. 

We wish we could have taken that special vacation with our kids, but we couldn’t afford it. We wish we’d had more children, but we felt stretched too thin. We wish we’d been able to give our family a certain education or lifestyle option, but it simply wasn’t available to us at the time. We wish we didn’t have to divide our time between work and home, but we couldn’t be fully present in both simultaneously. We wish we could have enjoyed various hobbies or activities, but needs on the home front held us back.

When we feel these types of regrets, keeping a right view of heaven helps us put them in their place. Our lives aren’t just “one and done”; in Christ, the best life lies still ahead—in his renewed creation. God will accomplish all he intended for our days,[3] and nothing will ultimately be missed.

If we don’t climb a mountain or explore the world or complete a masterpiece or capture every single second with a loved one in this life, guess what? We have all eternity to do those things—free from sin and suffering and without the same constraints of time and space we now experience.[4] Today is merely a practice round for the lasting life to come. 

So yes, everything we do here does matter—deeply.[5] But only as it points to Jesus and the coming consummation of our redemption. This life and our motherhood will never be everything we hoped; they are merely signposts and shadows, revealing bits and pieces of the existence we were made—and saved—for.[6]

In Christ, we don’t have to be defined and encumbered by our regrets. He will fully free us from all that went wrong here—within and without. And so we can proclaim to our souls, “Here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come” (Hebrews 13:14). Come, Lord Jesus. Come.

[1] Psalm 51; Matthew 5:4; 2 Corinthians 7:9-10; James 4:9

[2] 2 Corinthians 5:21

[3] Philippians 1:6

[4] Jordan Raynor casts an inspiring vision for the potential work and wonders we have to look forward to in heaven with his kids’ book The Royal in You and related resources.

[5] Psalm 90:12; Ephesians 5:15-16

[6] 1 Corinthians 13:12