Ep. 153 || Can A Mom Actually Practice Sabbath? Transcript
This transcript has been edited for clarity.
Laura: Hey guys, today we have a little different episode for you. It’s just me, Laura here. And today I thought I’d pop in and tell you about something I’m learning about. Emily will be back, and she’s actually going to do a solo show soon too, so no worries. But before I get to that I also want to just remind you guys that we actually have a blog at Risen Motherhood. We post at least once a week, and they’re articles written by women from all over the world. A lot of times, they tackle more specific or unique topics than what we’re able to dive into here on the show, and I’m telling you—it’s really great content. The writers are regular moms, just like you and I, sharing how the gospel connects to their everyday life. Head over to risenmotherhood.com/articles to start reading them, and we’ll pop some links in the show notes if you want to subscribe and get them straight to your inbox so you never miss a post.
Okay, so today I want to talk with you about rest and more specifically, Sabbath rest. I don’t know a mom on the planet that wouldn’t say she’s in need of more rest or that when asked, “How are you?” wouldn’t likely lead with, “Good, but busy!” And I get it. I’m busy too, and I often overcommit or feel overwhelmed by all my responsibilities. I’m naturally a “yes” person, a “I’ll pick up all the pieces person,” a “there’s no mountain too high, no valley too low, the sky’s the limit” kind of person.
But about two years ago I found out the hard way the limit is lower than the sky.
The particulars don’t matter, but I’m going to guess that many of you will know exactly how I felt. Tired. Burned out. Exhausted. Like I had to hurry to everything, hurry while doing it, hurry to wrap it up and hurry to the next thing. I lived one day ahead, nothing more. And I felt like even then I could barely stay in front. I was forgetful, and constantly apologizing for missing things. I had late night runs to the grocery store, early morning frantic texts to friends and family for help when I over scheduled. Like a hamster on a wheel, just going, going, going and I felt like I was failing at everything. I was anxious and stressed out, but I didn’t know how to get out of the cycle.
Psychologists have a word for this, it’s called “Hurry Sickness.” In a Psychology Today article, Hurry sickness is defined as “a behavior pattern characterized by continual rushing and anxiousness; an overwhelming and continual sense of urgency.”
They list a few clues to find out if you have Hurry Sickness. So, see if this is you:
Moving from one check-out line to another because it looks shorter/faster. I do this every time.
Counting the cars in front of you and either getting in the lane that has the least or is going the fastest. Definitely me.
Multi-tasking to the point of forgetting one of the tasks. Always.
Accidentally putting your clothes on inside-out or backwards. I have literally worn a shirt the entire day inside out. And it wasn’t just a day at home, it was at a conference with 9,000 other people.
So I basically blacked out that list, how’d you do?
I’ve seen this in so many of my mom friends, and here at R|M, people consistently send us messages about how to “juggle it all,” how to relieve the stress, anxiety, worry, or how to find time for self-care, or get a break. You may not have the textbook definition of hurry sickness, but I’m going to guess, if you’re listening to this and you’re a mom to any number of children, you probably struggle from feeling distracted, busy, worn out, and a little bit thin in all the wrong places because things just. feel. so. busy.
Jesus said, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” That was me: I was laboring, I was heavy laden, and I needed rest.
The funny thing was, I tried some rest. I went on a vacation to a beach. I took lighter weeks at work. I forced myself to watch a TV show after my kid’s bedtime that had no value other than I could zone out during it. I got childcare and I went out for dinner with girlfriends and on a date with my husband. I went on a walk (Although, let’s be real, I was probably power walking to get it done nice and quick). By the textbook definition of the word, I rested. I found pockets of time to kick my feet up and shoot the wind.
But it wasn’t working. One day I admitted to my sister-in-law that I couldn’t live like this anymore. I was honest with her about how stressed out I was. How I felt like a failure. How I was having all these doubts and questions about life and faith that I had never had before. I told her this over the phone and after we were done, just a few minutes later, I opened my phone to a picture of a Venn diagram in a text. Without me asking her to, with a few strokes of a pen, she had mapped out all my major commitments in life, how they overlapped, and the deeper heart issues they revealed.
Yes, it was as amazing as it sounds. After I got over the initial shock of seeing my entire life systematically itemized and boiled down to a 8.5x11 sheet of paper, I understood the message she was sending. I was overcommitted, striving, and needed rest. “Okay,” I thought, “I know I need rest.” When we got back on the phone, I was prepared to tell her all the ways I’ve been resting. “I watch TV! I forced myself to sleep until 6 a.m.! I read a book!”
But what she asked was, “Have you ever tried a Sabbath?”
Sabbath. It’s an ancient and mysterious word. I was familiar with it. I grew up in the church so it’s a common part of my Christianese, but really to me, Sabbath just meant I did a whole lot of church stuff. Growing up, Sabbath meant church and Sunday School, we had people over for lunch, then went to youth group that evening.
I knew there were other ways of doing it, but it didn’t seem relevant to me any more. I mean, even the word, Sabbath. While it rolls off the tongue, for a long time to me felt like it would come out as a stale cracker. I would think to myself, “It probably used to be good, back when it was fresh, you know, in Bible times, but it doesn’t quite work with the modern mom-life.”
Terms might come to mind like fuddy-duddy, ultra religious, old-fashioned, archaic, or even, and this one I may just take the worst offense at—lazy.
It was something I figured I’d get to “later”—in a few years when the kids are older—if at all.
But over the past year—out of a somewhat desperate place—I started studying the Sabbath or “Shabbat” in Hebrew, the language of the Old Testament. I started learning about rest and peace and the flip side—busyness, hurry. Then the next thing you know I’m into learning about attention, neuroscience, physiology, change and growth and becoming and suddenly I had all these questions, about “What am I about? What defines my days? Who do I want to be? What should my rhythm of life be?
And one burning desire deep in my core kept beating its drum: How can I be faithful until the end?
Deep stuff, I know.
But for me that’s just become a regular Thursday afternoon thought.
The thing is, under it all, all the busyness, I had a deep ache for a different kind of life. I had dreams and goals and ambitions and aspirations by the bucket load. But I didn’t have peace. I didn’t have joy. I didn’t have the true soul rest you hear a Christian is supposed to have.
What I needed was a different kind of rest. A Sabbath rest. I needed to take time to study and understand Sabbath rest to gain a new definition. Because the truth is, the Sabbath isn’t outdated or irrelevant for life today, it’s vitally important to the Christian life, built into our lives and bodies by God.
As you probably know, the Sabbath is number four of the ten commandments. In Exodus 20 God is giving the commandments to the Israelites and says, “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.” The Israelites, who had just been freed from slavery in Egypt, were being told that every seven days, they were to Sabbath or Shabbot, which by definition means to “stop,” or “to cease”—and this stopping, it was for everyone, no matter who they were, sons, daughters, slaves, a traveler or visitors—even their animals were to take the day off!
The reason Moses gives them is a simple one, found just two verses later in Exodus: “For the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and everything in them in six days; then he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and declared it holy.”
This is pointing us back to the creation account—you can’t even get two pages into the Bible before you see the Sabbath. God, after creating the heavens and the earth and everything in it, rested. Not because he was tired, but because he was so powerful and so glorious—he could. And he didn’t just stop and rest on the Sabbath, he also blessed it and made it holy. Holy means something is sacred, separate, or set aside. So the Sabbath is a different day than the other six, a day with a special focus. In the original Hebrew, holy can also mean “hallowed”— or greatly revered, or honored. So this special, different day, was a day meant for honoring God.
Then he blessed it—and in the Bible, anytime something is blessed, it doesn’t mean what we mean—material wealth or prosperity, it means receiving God’s favor, not necessarily in your circumstances, but despite them. It means a deeper walk with God. It means a deeper knowledge, satisfaction, closeness, or dependence on him.
And so you have these two things together, hallowed and blessing—they work hand-in-hand. You focus on God, you get more of God. The more you get of God, the more you want to focus on him. So when you take a day to simply bask in God’s glory, rather than all that you think you have to do and be and accomplish, you come away with more of him rather than the world and its thinking. And when you have more of God—a greater adoration, respect, fear, and trust—you more glorify, honor, and hallow him.
The Sabbath is a day each week where we remember who we really are. It reminds us—just like it was to remind the Israelites when it was originally commanded—that as God’s people, we are not slaves any longer. We are not slaves to work or fashion, or social media, or our homes, or design, or our children’s demands, our in-laws preferences or our own sinful desires. We are daughters of the Most High. God is our deliverer. And now, we freely walk in the Spirit that lives in us because of Jesus’ sacrifice on our behalf.
And it’s interesting, there’s so much research on this that I don’t have time for today, but secular economists, psychologists, doctors, sociologists, neuroscientists throughout history have even found that taking a break every seven days is healthy for us. They would say it seems “it’s wired into us,” and communities flourish when they have a break on the seventh day. And remember that Hurry Sickness I was talking about? It’s a major factor in heart disease (among other things). And when you have Hurry Sickness, it increases the stress hormone cortisol, which suppresses your immune system, raises your blood pressure and increases your risk of heart attack and stroke. Just a small example of how God literally wired the Sabbath into our bodies.
The Sabbath is a break from our normal work, yes, but more importantly, it’s a spiritual rest to remember the Lord of our salvation and focus our delight and joy in him and his accomplished work, not our own.
So I decided to try it.
I think, for many of us, once we choose to prioritize a Sabbath, our natural tendency is to define it by our rules: No computer, no paying bills, no errands. Go on a walk, take a nap, read a book. And rules—I prefer the term “guidelines”—are helpful. And I’ll tell you more about that in a bit. But there’s one thing I want to talk about first.
One of the biggest things that hindered me from taking a Sabbath was the sheer fact that I’m a mom. It’s commonly said that moms don’t get a break. Moms work 24/7. We’re always on call! And while sometimes I think we can sound a bit dramatic about it, there is a kernel of truth in it—how restful can a day really be when we have little kids running around? What does happen when the baby gets sick, or the naptime revolt begins, or we hear about a neighbor who needs help?
What happens to Sabbath rest when the work of life gets in the way?
I think when it comes to the Sabbath, there’s a Pharisee lurking in us all. In the Gospels, Jesus makes clear our highest priority, above all of the definitions of what work is, should be to love God and neighbor, even on the Sabbath. Like in my home, as we were figuring out what Sabbath could look like, my husband and I started to ask, “Okay, is cooking work? Is doing dishes work? Is changing soiled sheets work?” It’s the whole, “Where’s the line?” thing, right?
Well, it’s funny, because it seems like (and I have no exact stat for this or anything) but it seems like, one of Jesus’ favorite things to do was for him to mess with the Pharisees on the Sabbath—the day that no work was to be done according to Pharisee law. For example, one day, Jesus and his disciples were hungry and they were in a field so they pulled off the grain heads and started eating them. And doing this, they broke a lot of Sabbath laws, like A LOT. And the Pharisees called Jesus out, but Jesus responded, “I desire mercy, not sacrifice.” And a few verses later, Jesus heals a withered man’s hand and when the Pharisees asked him about it (and you can literally feel their fury leap off the pages of the Bible in this passage), Jesus said, “Do good on the Sabbath.”
The point is, Jesus was telling them the essence of Sabbath rest isn’t found in the terms of our do-and-don’t lists. That’s how the Pharisees were defining it—they were looking for, in a sense, outward compliance, trying to earn salvation and good standing before God. But the Sabbath was never about the doing or not doing, that’s what man made it about. When Jesus defeated death, he deemed us righteous, loved, and accepted—not because of our actions, but because of Christ’s.
And so as moms, it’s true that the work is never done. But saying the Sabbath is “something you’ll get to later,” is probably more of an excuse than anything. I don’t know, I’m only six years into motherhood, but for me, it hasn’t gotten easier, just different.
Anyway, this is the thing: when we Sabbath, our hands may “do good” like Jesus said, while our hearts continue to rest in the good news of the gospel.
And I think this is the key here. First, it’s not getting all caught up in the quote, “right way” to do Sabbath. Instead, we relax into the free gift of the grace of God, knowing we’re the ones making it more complicated. And second, in the areas that we can, we remember that we stop not when the work is done (because that will never happen), but when it’s time, because to Sabbath is an exercise in trust.
That means sometimes the Sabbath looks like getting a nap, and sometimes it looks like washing soiled sheets. Sometimes it’s reading a book, and sometimes it’s bringing a meal to someone at church. When Jesus is our rest, the Sabbath can be a day of showing mercy and love, of being in the mess, making sacrifices, and being content with the inefficiencies of young children. It can be a day of high cost to ourselves, in order to show Jesus to others.
That’s because our weekly rest isn’t about tightly kept boundaries, it’s about delighting and finding our joy in the Lord.
Okay, so back to something I mentioned earlier. Once we understand that we need Sabbath—that we’re literally designed for it, it isn’t about rules, we’re still left with this question—what does it look like, in our modern day, to Sabbath?
When I first started, I treated the day more like a day off from income producing work—a day to catch up on all my work at home and prep for the week ahead. But the Sabbath isn’t a day off. It isn’t a day for us to just binge watch TV and online shop. No, it’s a set apart day. A day for purpose, and to do things that point us to the Giver of all good gifts. It’s about moving to worship.
Which means that weirdly, the Sabbath actually takes work. We have to plan ahead, think about what we want it to look like. Set boundaries. Or, like I mentioned previously, put in place some guidelines. Not hard and fast rules, but if you’re like me, especially at first, Sabbathing will be hard.
I’ve heard a lot of versions of the “steps of Sabbath,” and there are lots of good options out there. But for me, there are a few integral steps to ordering my Sabbath. Of course, the first is to stop. Stop my typical activity. The day should look different from other days. Then I rest, but again, this isn’t just to watch a bunch of TV. I do something life-giving, that’s enjoyable. For me, that usually means reading fiction, taking a walk in the woods, and playing games with my family. I’m trying to do something that moves me to worship, to see God as the creator of all. I see my place in the order of this world. I worship God, recognizing who is on the throne and who is not.
For me, when I first started, I was bored. I felt awkward. Almost anxious and a little jittery, wondering what I was going to do all day. But slowly, over time, I’ve settled in the rhythm of a true rest every seven days and now the Sabbath has become my favorite day of the week.
I’m not perfect of course—I’m a work in process. I find that I’m more aware of God and his gifts all throughout the week. I have fresh scripture in my mind. I have sweet moments of prayer to remember back to. I’m like the Israelites when God gave the command, “remember the Sabbath.” I need it just as much as them.
Okay, so hopefully I’ve at least piqued your interest about considering a Sabbath. Here are a few things if you want to get started.
My best recommendation, of course, is to study the Sabbath. Get your arms around what it really means. Before you throw it out as irrelevant or “too hard in this season,” like I did, commit yourself to truly understanding it. Pray and ask God to show you what it means, what it can look like, and how it should play out in your life.
Remember that it doesn’t have to be Sunday. The typical Jewish Shabbat is actually sundown Friday to sundown Saturday. The early church Sabbath’d on Sunday, the day Jesus rose from the grave. But we’re not under the law, remember? So if you work at a church, or you or your husband are on call over the weekend, pick a different day that works. Just one day out of seven.
The day can look a lot of different ways. I heard once that whatever you normally do, do the opposite. If you work with your hands during the day, rest your hands. If you work with your mind, rest your mind. Most of us probably do a bit of both, but it’s helpful thought.) The key is that you do some things that move you to worship. So while watching a movie is totally fine (and often we’ll end the day with a family movie night and snack plates), think about how you might integrate things that foster your creativity, energize you, or “fill your tank” so to speak. This might be: going on a walk, enjoying good food, taking a nap, visiting a farmer’s market, sleeping in, going to an art museum, listening to great music or going to a concert. Having a picnic, having a drink on the porch, building a fire, playing board games, having friends over, or getting time away alone, or reading a book.
I heard recently about the concept of CARA time. It’s from Mark 6:31 when Jesus says to his disciples “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” Do you see it? CARA is Come Away and Rest Awhile. Jesus said it to his disciples when they were so busy with the crowds, Mark reports that they didn’t even have time to eat! Jesus says, I know you’re tired, I know you need rest, come and spend time with me. This, spending time with God, is an integral part of Sabbath. If this isn’t incorporated, then it’s only another day of leisure. Make intentional time to spend with God, make what you do, all those activities I listed before, about God.
The last guideline I’m going to share may just be the hardest. Consider a digital detox. This is one I still have hit my stride in yet, but I encourage you, at the very least figure out what you’ll do with your phone: Did you know the average iphone user unlocks their phone 80 times a day and touches their iphone 2,617 times a day? That on average, we spend up to 3 hours a day on social media? While I am very thankful for my phone, it’s also one of the biggest distractions I have for focusing on God and my family and it’s one of the best ways for me to feel shame, pride, inadequacy, and judgement. Not really a recipe for enjoying the Sabbath. While my goal is to not be on social media at all, and to only check my phone a few times for messages, I’m not consistently there yet. We could do an entire show on digital detox, so I’ll stop there and just encourage you to study this.
Okay, that’s it! Those are all the guidelines I’m going to offer. I know some of you are thinking, “What about sports and activities that fall on a Sunday?”; “What about hosting people and having people over for Sunday brunch?”; “What if we want to do an activity in town, or get invited to hang with another family, or we want to travel on our Sabbath, can we do those things?”
Frankly, I don’t know for you. I’m going to leave those things with you to figure out with your husband, if you have one; to ask your friends in your community who understand your unique life; or to discuss with wise mentors or pastors that you respect. I can’t tell you how to get through all the outliers or random things that happen or how God leads you in your family’s activities and extracurriculars. But I do know that if you come with a humble heart that longs to understand, he’ll help you.
If you’re like me, and you long “to be faithful to God until the end,” I’m convinced the Sabbath, at least for me, is a huge part of the equation to live into this reality. It’s a physical practice of the spiritual trust I have in my Savior and the work he accomplished on my behalf.
And if you think about it, Sabbath rest is what all creation is moving towards, it’s part of my end goal and it’s part of yours. It’s the culmination of God’s redemptive plan. The practice of Sabbath today is simply pointing us to our future reality where we’ll experience eternal Sabbath rest. And while, of course, keeping the Sabbath is not a requirement for us to be his daughters, it is a sweet gift until we meet him face-to-face and enter our forever Sabbath rest.