Fear 03: The Principles Transcript
This transcript has been edited for clarity.
Laura: Hi, friends. Welcome to another episode of Risen Motherhood. I'm Laura, and Emily's going to join me in a couple of minutes, but before we get to the show, I wanted to ask if you guys would be willing to do us a huge favor, and that is to take maybe three to five minutes to add a rating or review for us on iTunes or whatever podcast platform that you use to play your podcast. They’re so helpful to us.
Oftentimes, I think, "Oh, man, why do we need to keep asking for these?" Really, the reason why we do this is because the algorithms for iTunes, the way that they work, is that the more ratings and reviews that you receive, then the more people can find your show. That’ll help more and more moms hear the hope of the gospel. If you guys would just take a couple minutes, hit the star button, or hit the review button, it doesn't take long. We actually have a tutorial on our website if you'd like to use that as well, but we’d really appreciate it if you have a couple minutes to go ahead and do that.
Lastly, you've been hearing us talk about it the last couple of shows, but I just want to quick remind you that if you haven't yet gotten your freebies for this Fear series, which includes a devotional written by Emily and a really sweet tool that you can use with your kids to help them process through their fears, I want to just encourage you real quick today to head over to risenmotherhood.com/newsletter and sign up for our email list. We make sure that the emails you receive through our email list include really high-quality content and things that are going to serve you.
Immediately coming to your inbox as soon as you sign up, you're going to get those free downloads where you can read the devotion and you can use this tool with your kiddos. Thanks, friends, for all your help. We really appreciate all your guys' support! Let's get to the show.
Welcome back to another episode of Risen Motherhood. I'm Laura and I have my sister-in-law Emily here.
Emily: Hey.
Laura: Today, we’re continuing our mini-series on fear. We’re talking about how to handle frightening things. Is that right?
Emily: Yes!
Laura: It reminds me of that verse in 1 Peter, where he says, "Do good and don't fear anything that's frightening." I'm just like, "Wait, what?"
Emily: It reminds me of the trite things, and I know I have said this to other people, but people will often say in a well-meaning way, "Oh, just don't worry about that," or "Everything's going to work out," or "Just stop thinking about it. It's probably not going to happen. Don't waste your time worrying." Which doesn't help. Although I’d say I think we all want to know deep down this is going to be okay.
We're sharing our worries, and our fears, and our concerns with people, whether it be our husbands, or friends, or whoever, and what we want somebody to tell us is, "Don't worry. It's all going to be fine and here's why."
Laura: The “here's why” I think is huge too because often I'll be worrying about something and my husband will say something along the lines of, "Hey, it'll be just fine." I'm like, "Why’s it going to be fine and what can you offer me? What proof can you give me that helps me know that this is true?"
Maybe an example would be at night, I can be afraid of an intruder or something like that—which my husband will eye-roll at me right now if he could hear this—but there's this idea that he sleeps closest to the door and we also keep a bat under our bed that I picked up from Goodwill. That helps me know it’ll be okay because he will defend me and he's there for me. There's a little bit of teeth to it whenever somebody says, "Hey, it's okay," because there's actually a reason.
Emily: It makes me think about the fact that even just somebody's presence can help us not fear things because we know that the person who’s with us is so much bigger, or greater, or stronger, or wiser, or whatever, and is going to deal with it. Whether that’s our husband or whatever it is, but even with the Lord, I think that's a really, really important element that we're, hopefully, going to dive more into is just the fact that when we’re in Christ, when we’re with God, we know that no matter what happens, we’ve got the big guy.
Laura: Exactly. It's sort of like when I'm dealing with my finances and I bring it to my accountant and he's like, "It’ll be okay because of these things and I'm the expert." I'm like, "Ah, I feel much better than whenever it was me just trying to figure it out on my own." Like Emily said, I got the big guy on the case. It'll be okay. The big accountant.
Emily: This happened to my kids recently. We were at an event and they're just playing, running around, no big deal, acting like they don't even know that they have supervisors and guardians there with them. My husband and I left, and my parents were there taking care of them. They walked us to our car and my dad told me later when they got back, all three of our older kids were in tears—
Laura: Oh, no.
Emily: —because they were like, "Where’d you go? You left us. We couldn't see you." It was just so interesting and such an interesting picture to me that as long as the guardians were there, they were fine. In fact, they acted totally oblivious, but as soon as that visible presence was removed, they were very, very scared.
Laura: Totally.
Emily: I think we experienced that sometimes even when we're not as aware of God's presence, we can feel more fearful, but we have to know and be rooted in His word to know he’s there with us and that gives us all the confidence.
Laura: Yes. Oh, I think that's so good. What do we do whenever we see frightening things or when we feel frightening emotions? Something we've talked about previously is how fear can be all-encompassing. It's not just our emotions and not just our thoughts, it also can even encompass our bodies and how we react physically. A few weeks ago, we talked about the three different kinds of fear and one of them was fearing the Lord. I think this would take some time to study and I would encourage anybody listening to go ahead and study this in God's Word because it can feel like this really ups your concept, but what it is, is just knowing that, "Hey, everything is in submission to God and he is sovereign over all."
I think it was Martin Luther who did some really great work on fear and in one hand, he's saying, "Hey, there's this fear of like a torturer that's going to hurt you and abuse you and you're very afraid of them,” and that's this servile fear, but then there's also this filial fear, which is this fear that you might have or a reverence for a parent who you're like, "Oh, they're in authority over me. I really, really want to please and obey them because they're worthy of it. They're in that place of authority over me." I think those are the kinds of fears that are the options we have when we think about our relationship with the Lord and a right fear of the Lord is really a fear that sees him as that loving parent that is over authority with us. It motivates our actions, not because we're afraid we're going to get smited by God, but because we're so grateful of what He has done for us.
Everything that we talked about, basically in our last episode with Christ and His sacrifice for us, I think of Proverbs 9:10, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." This really propels our ability to make decisions in the midst of fear is knowing who's worthy of my fear? Who deserves it?
Emily: Amen. Another thing that we can do when something frightening is happening to us, along that vein, is to pursue the truth. Again, the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and, hopefully, wisdom leads to this greater uncovering of truth. I know that sometimes when my kids are scared and they can't go to sleep at night or they have a bad dream, we start to walk around the room and uncover the truth.
Laura: [laughs] Are there monsters under there?
Emily: Let's look. Let's turn on the lights and see if this is actually real. Is there actually something spooky in the closet? Let's reorient our mind to what’s real. I love the verse John 8:32. It talks about the truth actually setting us free. Sometimes I think we can be a little bit afraid to dig into things, but actually, realizing when we come to a fuller understanding of God's commands or the way that He wants something to be, we don't have to be afraid because there’s freedom there when we realize what it is that He actually wants for us.
Laura: I love that quote from Zack Eswine that says, "Pray God's promises, not your doubts." Something that has been helpful for me to remember is that God's promises are true and real and for me, and I have access to those in his word, and the doubts are the things that we need to uncover and look underneath just like Emily was talking about with her kiddos. What's been helpful for me, as I've felt the Lord's presence at times removed from my life and I've experienced doubts, is to go back and remember His promises.
Emily: Well, I think that's really, really good because what we're saying is, “Don't stuff down your fears.”
Laura: Absolutely.
Emily: Examine them and bring them into the light. I know we've talked about that compassionate curiosity to say, "Okay, what really is the truth here?” and “Lord, let me come to you with this and see what you have to say about it." Which leads us into the next point of what we should do whenever we’re experiencing frightening things, is to remember, remember, remember.
[laughter]
Laura: That is exactly right and I think both Emily and I do very similar things with our kids that're a good example for what we as moms really need. When our children are scared, we can help them make a list of pure and lovely things about life. Things about playing in the woods with their cousins or eating marshmallows over the bonfire or just spending time with mom and dad.
Those are things that we can do as well. We can remember God's Word, we can write down a Bible verse or two, we can write down all of the good gifts that God has given us. I know gratitude journaling can be a really helpful thing for some people, or maybe with our kiddos, we will encourage them when they're afraid to read their Bible with us or think about the scripture that they memorize. Those are the same things that we as moms really need, to put our minds on things that are honorable, just pure, true, lovely, commendable, all those things from Philippians 4. Those are the things that we should be thinking about.
Emily: As we are remembering his character and who he is and what he's going to do, I think that leads us to the next point of, we can humbly trust God. I think that humility is a really, really important piece of this, and it ties in nicely with the fear of the Lord, and fearing God helps us have the right perspective about who we are in relationship to Him and recognizing that God is in control and not us.
His ways are higher than our ways, his thoughts are higher than ours, he sees and knows every single aspect and facet of every single situation that’s going on and because he is good in his character, he is making right judgments about the situation and he's taking right actions. I think that goes to our responses because we don't have to strive to gain control over the situation, because we're trusting the one who has all the control.
Laura: That’s so good. I know Andrew Murray has this quote that says, "Humility is nothing but the disappearance of self in the vision that God is all." I think that really leads us, even to the next one because it requires a huge dose of humility, which is listening to warnings. In the Old Testament, we see God warning his people all the time about what's going to happen if they don't listen.
Just think about those chapters on blessings and curses especially in those first, I don't know, five or six books of the Old Testament. You know what? God follows through on those warnings. When Israel doesn't obey, you think, "Oh God, he’ll have mercy on them. It'll be okay.” No, they're going to have to wait. They're not going to be able to enter the promised land and there are people that are swallowed up in the ground! There are all sorts of things that God's saying, "Look, I set my laws in place, I set them for good reason and you need to obey and listen.”
We want to be cautious here because as believers, we don't think we have to tiptoe around God's wrath in order for Him to turn on us and suddenly smite us, but God does allow things in our lives for discipline. He does even sometimes have scary things placed in our lives, to give us warning about what could happen if we continue on those deviant or errant ways. We should be thankful for that, that just like a loving parent, like we've been talking about, God sets in place big warning, flashing signs to say, "Hey, don't keep making these foolish decisions or it's going to lead to the way of destruction."
Emily: Stay out of the road.
Laura: Stay out of the road.[laughter]
Emily: I think this happens in motherhood, a fair amount for me, where sometimes let's say I've been on my phone a lot and I've been scrolling and I'm working and I'm distracted and I'll notice my kids are acting out more and they're struggling. I'll then get this weird gut check of fear inside of me of like, "Oh no, are they spiraling out of control, am I going to be able to—am I impacting them with the gospel the right way?"
It's a good thing because it ultimately leads to repentance, and then that repentance leads to this restored following of the Lord and fearing him and obeying him. I think in motherhood, sometimes when we get those fears, we try to avoid them or stuff them down, or think, "I don't want to feel guilty." I would just encourage you to view that as something that can be productive fear, because responding to those warnings turns us back to the Lord.
Laura: That leads us into our next one which is, we take wise actions in faith with boldness and courage. I love those two words, ‘boldness’ and ‘courage’ because I think that they're inspirational words, but it's the question of “What exactly do they mean?” and especially thinking about our own personalities, I think they can mean different things.
Emily: Yes, the personality aspect is important here because I think depending on where we land a little bit, some of us need tempered courage. Our natural bent is to speak out and argue and take a stand and maybe even at times be divisive in that and not be wise in that. Some of us might need to have faith and know that God’s with us, and we can be silent and we can wait and we can trust in Him and have patience to see what he's doing.
In a mom's life this might be like, "Hey, you're typically the advocate or the whistleblower or the one who stirs the pot and gets everybody worked up about the bad thing that's going to happen.” Maybe instead of doing that we can pray, and we can opt to not insert that into the conversation. We can examine, “Where might I be stirring up fear and dissension in my peer group?” and it might be “Am I being a mama bear for the gospel or am I being a mama bear about something that is very temporal in this life and is a matter of conscience?” I think it may be important for some of us to examine that, and think about, “Do I need to temper that reaction that I have and be waiting on the Lord more?” but there's a flip side.
Laura: There's a flip side and I think that some of us do need more boldness to speak or to act. For some of us, our default is just to watch and not really speak up, because we're afraid that we might offend other people or we're afraid that we might go too far, or people might judge us, or who knows what. So, how this plays out in motherhood is that, maybe around unbelievers our tendency is just to laugh or not speak about Christ, but we need to be willing to say hard things in love or even ask questions that are penetrating, and they help other moms who don't trust Christ, perhaps start to think about him in a different way. Or, maybe it's speaking up for another mom who is being gossiped about or being slandered or sticking up for your kiddos at times. Advocating for them at your local school, at the doctor's office, or even advocating for other kiddos who maybe their mom isn't doing that for them.
I think a lot about the pandemic situation that we're in right now and how we have to remember the place of privilege that we may or may not have and how we can use some of our own agency to speak up for other moms. I think for this group of mamas, it's really important that we have faith and know that God’s with us and that we’re able to do something that might be unpopular but we can do it out of obedience because we don't fear other men or other women, or other moms, we fear God.
Emily: To bring this back around, I think that boldness comes because we remember that death has no sting. I love that verse, it talks about, "oh death, where's your victory, oh death, where is your sting." It's not there anymore and that's exactly what Laura was talking about. We don't fear those who can hurt the body, we fear the Lord, the one who can ultimately take our soul, and I love the Heidelberg catechism, where it talks about “What is your only hope in life and in death? It's that I am not my own, but I belong with body and soul, both in life and in death, to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ.” That is really what motivates our boldness and our courage and strength whether that courage and strength is leading us to be silent and trust the Lord and pray or whether that courage and strength is leading us to speak into a situation or act where we would typically be a little timid. That truth can still propel us forward.
Laura: This is the transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland from October 1995. I'm going to read it to you guys:
Americans: “Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.”
Canadians: “Recommend you divert your course, 15 degrees to the south, to avoid a collision.”
Americans: “This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.”
Canadians: “No, I say again, you divert your course.”
Americans: “This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers, and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north. That's 1-5 degrees north or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.”
Canadians: “This is a lighthouse, your call.”
Emily: [laughs] Explain it to me a little bit more.
Laura: Oh, really?
Emily: Yes.
Laura: I love this because, my friends, this is God. This is God that we are talking about. We can sit there and say, "Oh, I gotta think about this and I gotta think about that and I gotta care about this and all these things,” and the world is going to tell you to jump, run, stay back, hold on, speak, be quiet, to do all sorts of different things and jump through all their hoops, and it will come at us with a force of what feels like a US Navy destroyer!
But we're with God. And our God isn’t going to be moved. “This is God, it’s your call.” I love thinking about the fact that he is on my side. “World, you can throw at me whatever you want, and it can be super scary,” and it can say, “I'm shooting all the missiles at you, I'm bringing all my force at you,” and I say, "You know what? I got God, this is the trump card. This is the lighthouse. Bring it on."
Emily: Oh, so, so good. That makes me think of Deuteronomy 10 that says, "What does the Lord your God ask of you except to fear the Lord your God." That is the core of all of this, that when we’re facing fearsome things, we realize who’s on our side and what he’s already done for us in Christ. I love that thought of, “he's not held back his only son from us, so he’s going to give us all the other things that we need to follow him in this life, all that we need for life and godliness. We have the help of the Holy Spirit if we’re in Christ.”
That doesn't always mean that we're not going to feel fear, or that we're not going to get that adrenaline rush, or that our emotions are not going to be tough, or that the thing that we want to happen is going to not happen, but it does mean that he is with us through it all and that we have this hope that isn’t going anywhere, ever. That's just the most encouraging thing to remember.
Laura: I think when dealing with fear, we do really have to prioritize it and think about, “How is this shaping my motivations and how is this shaping my heart right now? What really is the king of my heart? What is the ultimate?” I think Melissa Kruger has a great quote where she says, "If we live as citizens of heaven, we will value the priorities of our true home."
When we fear God, his priorities become our priorities. His heart becomes our heart. His loves become our loves. Those are the things that we want, not only coming into us, but also flowing out of us. That's the charge that we want to leave you guys with today, is to be considering and thinking through, what are the priorities of your heart? What place does Christ hold in your heart? Is there a fear, or several different fears, that are usurping the throne of your heart and taking it away from the Lord?
Are there things that you can do, like what we've talked about here on today's show, where you can consider ways that you can remember, and refocus and rehearse the gospel in your heart, to be able to bring the Lord back to the throne? I can't remember if it was this show or a different show, Emily, where we just talked about the peace that Christ brings us. We want that for every mom listening to this episode and who’s in our community. We want you to experience the peace that surpasses all understanding. Peace that looks crazy to the world, that we can have because of Christ.
Emily: Just as a final word, and we're going to get into more practical things on another show, so stay tuned for more episodes in this series, but this doesn't just magically or mysteriously happen to us overnight. We remember and we fill ourselves with truth that sets us free. We gain boldness and courage and the gospel by reading his word, spending time with him every single day and letting that be something that we are immersed in in our everyday lives.
We have a lot of episodes and a lot of resources that talk about that. We cannot muster up the courage or just get our act together, or just get our feelings on straight, or whatever it is. We have to go back to the Word over and over and over again, and really invest that time in knowing who God is, if we’re going to know why we're confident that he is on our side.
Laura: Amen. It ain't a one-time thing. If you're feeling better today, but then you feel fearful again tomorrow, that's normal. Get back in God's Word. Don't think that you failed, don't think that you've ruined anything or that you haven't been Christian enough, you're just human. Like Emily is saying, get back in God's Word, remind yourself of truth, get some friends on a text chain, do what you need to do to help yourself remember what is true and what are lies from the pit of hell, frankly, and what you really should believe, and how the priorities of your heart should be set.
We're going to be talking about this more on social media so if you want to join us @risenmotherhood, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, of course, you can always find us at risenmotherhood.com. There, we'll have show notes with more resources and links for you guys to check out. Come back next week, like Emily said, we've got some practical stuff coming, we've also got some sweet stuff about the church. I'm just super excited for where we're headed.
Emily: All right. Thanks, guys.