Prayer 02: Why Do We Say “Amen?” And Other Questions About Prayer Transcript
This transcript has been edited for clarity
Emily: Hey there friends, Emily here. I'm so excited you've joined us for this next episode of the Prayer mini-series. In a few minutes, my co-host, Laura, is going to be joining me, but real quick, just wanted to let you know about the Prayer series landing page. If you go to risenmotherhood.com/prayer, you are going to find a roundup of not only all of our episodes as they've come out, but any other articles that we have on our website that correspond, any other podcast episodes that might overlap, and a great list of books and other resources that we have found helpful on this topic.
Again, we don't necessarily want you to take our word for it, but that these would be conversations that would be a launching point for you to learn more on your own about prayer. Additionally, if you go to our landing page, you are going to see the link to sign up for the Kitchen Sink Prayer free download so that you can get access to not only that but all of the other free downloads in our Vault. Another exciting thing that we're doing this month is the R|M Read. I don't know if you've heard about this before, but each month, one of our team members has a book that they share with our community and encourage everybody to read that month.
It's really part of the equipping aspect of our mission here at Risen Motherhood. We know that you guys want to be readers, but you have really limited time and energy, and so we try to find just the best books possible to equip you in various topics. This month, we are reading R.C. Sproul's Does Prayer Change Things? It’ll be a great companion for this series. If you can't join us for that, we hope you'll join us for the next one or maybe sometime in the next year. All right, friends, let's get to the show.
Laura: Emily, I feel like one of the tougher things about prayer and at least teaching my children how to pray has been answering all of their questions. Do your kids have tons of questions about prayer?
Emily: Yeah. They definitely have some questions, but at other times, I feel like it's giving them information about prayer because they're not even asking. They're just taking in stride whatever it is we show them, but I’m explaining there is a purpose behind all of the things that we're doing and saying.
Laura: Okay. My kids ask literally every question under the sun. I feel like some kids latch onto certain topics and prayer has definitely been one of them. I think, for me, I always feel like, "oh, I don't really know. I have the same question too, or I've never really thought about that, or it's not a big deal," but as I've learned to answer my kids' questions as we've studied these things together, I've been like, "Oh, wow, that was actually really helpful."
What we want to do today, guys, is just take a show to answer some of these basic questions of things that we do because someone, somewhere, at some point taught us, "This is how you pray." But perhaps you've never really thought about it deeply and you're just saying these things because it's the formula that it seems like you're supposed to do. We'd like to unpack these because our kids have questions and oftentimes, as parents, we actually have the same ones. We just don't—we hide it better, or we think, "Oh, it's not as big of a deal to answer that right now." We're going to walk through a handful of them today.
Emily: Definitely. One that I think is common for kids to have but also adults—I was thinking about this as you were talking because when I first became a Christian, I thought, "Oh, I'm not even totally sure how to pray." I think even for parents, if you're coming from a non-Christian background or you're a new believer, you maybe want to know these things, too. The first one is, why do we say ay-men or ah-men?
Laura: Ooh, and which way do you say it?
[Laughter]
Laura: Have you ever heard of the email sent theory? One time—I think it was like a youth pastor or somebody that would be like, "you say your prayer and then you say amen and that's sending it to God." [Laughter] No, that's not right, but that is what I was told.
Emily: You cannot get that email back.
Laura: I know. I was just like, "Oh, I better get it right then. No errors, no typos, no nothing. That's sending the prayer up to God," but that is not what that means. Actually, the word "amen" is a really beautiful word, and it means so much more than a lot of us probably give it credit for. Amen really just essentially means in Hebrew like, "let it be" or "so be it." It's a true and heartfelt acknowledgment and an affirmation that we believe God will do as he's promised. Amen is saying, "Hear, hear," or "I affirm in faith that God is hearing what I'm saying."
It's saying, "Oh, God, I long for your purposes to be fulfilled. I long to see your kingdom come." It's also saying, "Lord, I have confidence in you. I have confidence that you have a good plan, that you are for me, that you love me even though my circumstances might feel different." There's so much in this one word that we utter. Sort of like an email sent—we can treat it that way of like, "Okay, and now I'm done." Instead, it really means I am all in. I am putting every chip in, behind everything that I'm saying, and I am trusting in faith that God, you will do what you said you'd do in your Word. Even if my prayer's asking for something different, it's saying, "I trust you."
Emily: I think of this in motherhood a lot with the verse talking about “casting all of our cares and our anxieties and our concerns on the Lord.” Using the word "amen" is like—in my mind, I view it like I'm lobbing it to God. I'm like, "This is in your hands now. I have given it over to you." That thing I saw my child do that I'm worried about what's going on in their heart, or I'm not sure what decision I'm going to make, or I feel really tired. I'm not sure how I'm going to get through the day. It's praying about it and then saying, "Okay, I'm giving it to you, God. It's yours. Amen."
Laura: That's good. Another question a lot of us have is “Does it matter who you pray to or how you close it?" When our kids sweetly say, "Dear Jesus, please help me with this day," or you might hear your pastor up front with this big, booming voice like, "Heavenly Father"—which one is right?
Emily: I think that's a really good question, and in terms of this, it's helped me to think about what's the general norm or what's the general pattern that we see in Scripture? Knowing that praying to the one true God, it's Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. It is okay to address the Godhead, the Trinity, but then there's also a very normative pattern set forth in Scripture. Particularly what we see in the Lord's Prayer that Jesus prays that we pray to God the Father in the power of the Spirit in the name of Jesus.
Laura: That's the typical way of praying—like you said, Emily—laid out in Scripture for us, and so if you want to unpack that, "Dear God" or "Heavenly Father" is typically how people would start the prayer. Again, you can say, "Jesus, help me." You can say, "Spirit, show me your way." You can say all of those things and it's not like God's not going to hear you or you're wrong. We don't want this to paralyze you at all. We see Jesus teaching the disciples how to pray in the Lord's Prayer in Matthew 6, and he says, "Our Father," so he prays to the Father.
Emily: Yes, and then we pray in Jesus's name—which is typically what we say at the end of the prayer to close—because we're acknowledging the reality of the gospel: that there is no way we can come to the Father, plead before the throne, even call him Father, without the sacrifice of Christ on our behalf. It's like this little tag we all mutter, just like "amen", but it has this huge, important, critical meaning that we have a great High Priest who has gone before us to the Father. It is only through him that we can pray, and we also see that example in the apostle Paul's prayers. One example from Ephesians 5:20 is: "Give thanks to God the Father for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." It's a pattern that's established throughout Scripture.
Laura: Then we pray by the power of the Holy Spirit because the Spirit is the one who works and transforms our hearts to be soft to the will of the Father. It's the Spirit that helps us when we feel like, "Oh, I don't know if I can believe this. I don't know really what to pray for. I don't know if I have sin in my heart," and you didn't know if there's some conviction or some repentance that I need to do. The Spirit really shows us how to pray and what to pray for.
Ephesians 6:18 says, "pray at all times in the Spirit." Jude 20 says you are praying, "in the Holy Spirit." We see that throughout Scripture; Paul lays it out in Romans as well. That's the big, famous chapter where it talks about the Spirit helping us in our weakness because we don't know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit intercedes for us with inexpressible groanings. All of these three things together—this little saying that we're giving you here—the structure again isn't meant to stress you out, but instead to help show you that there can be ordered prayer and that there's meaning behind a lot of those common catchphrases that all of us use. More than likely, when you are talking about these things with your kids, it's not necessarily something that a six-year-old is going to grasp, but it's something that you are building up over time to help your children see the role of the Trinity in prayer. It's something that you'll probably grow more and more familiar with as well as you grow and mature in your faith. The best thing to do is to model this for your kids, but not make anyone self-conscious or not be self-conscious yourself. Again, still feel freedom to pray in other ways, but this is just a helpful norm to follow.
Emily: Another norm that comes to mind that you see a lot is praying at meals.
Laura: Yes. This is the one that my kids ask a million—literally, this was actually convicting because one of my kids said to me, "Mom, why do we only pray at meals?" I was like, "Oh!" because I just felt like, "we pray more than just at meals!"
Emily: I feel like we're the opposite.
Laura: Yes, we've since changed.
Emily: It's been really interesting because I know the meal praying pattern—which we're going to get into—is really good and important, but I think early on we found ourselves, I don't know, not meaning it at all. It was becoming just this rote thing. We don't do it as much now, but we pray at other times. I feel like now we're trying to reinstate the habit more so at mealtimes because we got off to doing it at other regular times of the day.
Laura: Well, my kids would be like, "Can we pray now? Can we pray now? Can we pray now?" What they really meant is, "Can we eat now? Can we eat now?"
Emily: We're so hungry! [Laughter] Well, so we would open it up for prayer and then it is like all five children—No. Okay. One of our children is non-verbal, but I imagine he would intervene if he could—but just go on and on and on—
Laura: —Oh really? My kids are like the quick—because they're really wanting to get to their food. They'll both be eager beavers to volunteer, but then they are like the quickest prayers. It becomes rote, like you said, where it's just like getting it out of the way.
Emily: I think our prayer time becomes a stage.
Laura: Oh, that's hilarious.
Emily: Let’s all go to our quiet places and pray in secret.
[Laughter]
Laura: Oh, that's funny. Why do we pray at meals? First of all, there is nothing sacred about mealtime in the sense like that's the only time you can pray, or you have to pray at meals, but in short, we're just following Christ's example from Scripture. We see both times that Jesus miraculously fed the crowds of people with loaves and fish, he gave thanks. That's in Matthew 14 and 15. The Last Supper, he prayed after passing the cup and the bread.
On the road to Emmaus in Luke 24, he stopped, and he ate with two people, and it says they took bread, gave thanks, broke it, and he began to give it to them. Gave thanks. The "gave thanks" is the prayer.
Emily: Gave thanks, yes, and I think it's just, to me, what it illustrates is absolutely, the mealtime is an incredible time to think about what the gospel means for us. To think about the practical provision that the Lord gives and also the spiritual provision that the Lord gives through Christ. It's also just an illustration of a rhythm and a pattern that says, "Hey, in every mundane thing, there is no thing too small to thank God for."
These rhythms provide multiple opportunities throughout the day so that we aren't just the one-time, randomly here and there, but we have a pattern of prayer. We eat three times a day, so it's three chances at the very least to be praying to the Father. I think a lot of it is just thinking, "Okay, what does this illustrate?" If you're not going to do it at mealtime, that's probably fine, but how can you build those principles into many other areas of life?
Laura: Yes, totally. Okay. Another big question and one that my children have asked is, "Hey, why do we have to close our eyes? Why do we have to bow our heads? Why do we fold our hands, or should we even kneel?" Sometimes, people often kneel when they pray. There are a lot of postures and positions that the Bible records, and I won't list them all out here, but you can find all of those with a quick search, and it's everything from laying down to being with your head bowed, in your bed, on your knees—all sorts of different ways.
With eyes open or eyes closed. This one is so funny, but there's not necessarily, again, a pattern laid out in Scripture that says this is the way you have to pray, like this. We see times where people have their eyes open—even Jesus. He lifted up his eyes to heaven in John 11 and John 17. We see when the tax collector prayed, it says he would not so much as raise his eyes to heaven. There are different postures, probably for different states of our heart.
At the end of the day, there are options. Just like mealtime, it's not a rule or regulation, and it's not about following some perfect pattern. It really is about the heart. We can be praying as moms while we're paying bills and changing diapers and taking kids to their lessons, or taking them to school, while we're folding clothes. I think that is one of the most hopeful things: that I can literally pray anywhere, anywhere that I am, while I'm doing anything. That is always something that's accessible for me to do. There's nothing special about what our bodies look like or where they are. I think people just close their eyes and fold their hands probably just to not be distracted.
Emily: Yes, that's the way I've heard it described to kids before: hey, by bowing our heads and closing our eyes, it's like in a classroom where they say, "We're going to do criss cross applesauce, eyes to the front, listen with your body." It's a way to talk to God and quiet the rest of your body. I think it also brings in that piece of reverence, and that for a child, when they have to close their eyes and fold their hands—keep their little, wiggly hands in there—it reminds them this is important. This is something I want to focus on. This is something if an adult is praying, I want to be thinking about the words that are coming out of their mouth and praying alongside them.
I think for us, that can be true, too. I know sometimes if I'm praying in the morning, I'll actually write down my prayers a lot. That helps me stay focused, but it's like I'm looking around, I see laundry on the floor, and I see this thing over there, and I'm watching something over on the other side of the house—do I hear a noise?—and sometimes, posture can help us stay focused or communicate to the Lord part of what's going on in our heart.
Laura: Yes, absolutely. Another question is, "how do we speak to God? Do we talk to him in a formal manner?" Again, looking at that pattern, do we pray to God the Father in the name of Jesus, or can we talk to him informally? How do you speak with him?
Emily: I think, again, there's a little bit of tension here. There's a lot of different truths that we're holding together all at the same time that, if we are in Christ, we have been reconciled to God the Father. There is this very "hey-we're-friends-with-God" type of relationship. We are a child of God and, of course, if you're a child or a friend, there is access. There is ability for us to come to the Lord anytime.
I know I had this verse on my computer for a while. I think it's Psalm 41. I might not quote exactly, but it's essentially this picture of God inclining towards his people to hear their cry. That is very real, but then at the same time, this God is holy, holy, holy. He is perfectly righteous and set apart. This is the God who created the universe, who's upholding the world by his power. So also, let's not be flippant.
Laura: It's definitely both things—where we can come to him casually and be able to speak to God with a one-word prayer or to talk with him. At the same time, we do want to teach our children, and have a posture ourselves, of recognizing the enormous privilege that it is to approach the throne and to be able to say: if prayer changes things and a prayer matters, then I want to give it my full attention and my full focus and to speak in a way that honors the Holy God that is in charge of the whole universe.
As Emily was saying, it's definitely a tension to hold, and it's something that I think we can speak in different ways at different times, depending on the situation. Most of all with my kids, I've really just focused on teaching like, "Hey, you can speak to God like a friend," because often, it becomes like they're speaking to God—they speak to God more like, "I'm just going to say the things that mom likes to hear."
Emily: Oh, that is so interesting. I was just thinking the other way.
Laura: Oh, funny.
Emily: Oh, I feel like a broad-brush statement would be most of us could do with more reverence and more respect and to rein it in a little bit. Perhaps, that's just my own experience in my household. Like we need to rein it in and get serious here and take this to heart and say the right things, because there's lots of silly going on, and that's fine, but look at the cross, look at what this cost. That's like a barrier of frustration for me because I get frustrated when I feel like my kids are not showing reverence to the Lord and aren't taking it seriously. That makes me a mad mama.
Laura [Laughter]: I don't know that it's that my kids are showing proper reverence, because that's something I think they'll grow and mature in. I don't know that I expect that of them right now completely, but they definitely will say the things I want to hear, and they will speak—like say larger words than they normally speak and stuff that I've said—and so I feel, for them, it becomes a performance. They are saying and they're sitting still—they look great—but it's more pharisaical.
I want them to say, "When I'm afraid in my bed at night, I can talk to God and come to him and just say, 'Jesus, I'm afraid,'" or whatever it is. I think, just know your kids. The point is: know your kids' personality type and help them. Whatever way they're inclining themselves, maybe show them another way. Again, it doesn't mean that my kids show reverence. I want to make that really clear. Sometimes they do, but we always, I think, can work on that side of things of recognizing God for who he truly is. None of us probably have that right.
Emily: Oh, totally, at any given time. Another question that comes up sometimes is, "okay, are we supposed to be praying in private? Are we supposed to be praying in groups with our family? Do I only pray in front of people? We also pray at church. What are some of the differences there?"
Laura: This is one that I think is really good for us as moms to understand the importance of, and you might not be teaching your children in a formal way, but you might informally just be showing them what this looks like. Private prayer is just prayer when we're by ourselves. Jesus modeled this. He slipped away particularly when he was with large crowds, and he encouraged the disciples to do this.
We're used to this kind of prayer. This is probably the prayer that comes most naturally to us, especially as moms. Then, corporate prayer is different because this is when we pray with other believers, and this could be with one other person or with a thousand people at a large church. This is the communal aspect of prayer that grows us closer to God. This morning, Emily and I, we actually sent out an email to all of our donors, asking them to pray for us right now while we record these shows, and our board member, Melissa Kruger, Voxed us and prayed for us over Vox. It was so encouraging. Were you not so encouraged?
Emily: I was so encouraged. She touched on all the things that I was worried about today.
Laura: Yes, and it was just one of those things that it just gave me more resolve and excitement. It strengthened my heart when she was praying this morning. I just thought: this is the power of praying for others and praying corporately—that those aren't words that I spoke, but she spoke my heart into the prayer, and I walked away feeling incredibly encouraged. That's one of the huge benefits of corporate. There are many, but that was one that just happened.
Emily: I love that. I think those are powerful moments for our kids to see, too. I know I have some really formative pictures in my mind. One was when I used to do a Bible study and I was helping with leadership, and we would all come together and there would be like 60 or 70 women in this room. Before every study, before the women would show up, we would all get on our knees.
There were women in there that would have to bring pillows and things because of their age—like their knees would hurt, but they wanted to kneel before the Father. It was so humbling to look around and see women from all stages of life pleading before the Father on this very normal, middle-of-the-week moment. It set such an example for me. Then I know there's also been times at church where we've sent out missionaries, and they come to the front of the church and they pull all these chairs and the whole congregation—
Laura: —Puts their hands on each other? Oh, I love that.
Emily: Yes, goes all the way out in a big group. Everybody puts their hands on them. 150 people standing there, praying that the Lord would be with them. It's just a picture of the corporate body, the church, coming together to say, "We all agree on this, Lord. We're asking for you to work."
Laura: Well, it truly knits your heart together. There is a bond that can feel almost electric in certain spaces where you're all together praying for the same things. Your hearts are crying out. I think that there is such a beauty in that. For me, I'll never forget a Bible study that I was just leading one of the tables at one of my old churches. A woman talked about some issues that she was having with a wayward child. We all got up—we just got up and walked into the hallway, and we all prayed together.
All of us were crying. I didn't even know this child, but we all felt something. There was an emotion, there was a longing, there was a love for this woman who we cared about. To pray for her—it knit us together in a way that is incredibly memorable. It's something that almost feels like you can't repeat, or you couldn't have had if you didn't have that spiritual bond that happens when you pray.
Emily: This is not part of our show topic, but it made me think of praying for our enemies or like praying for our leaders, people like that, where our kids might wonder, "Why do I pray for that person over in that other country?" or, "Why am I playing for this conflict?" or, "Why am I praying for the president or whatever?" I think it does something in your heart. Exactly what you're saying. It creates a softening and a love. I don't know how God does that, but he does. He reorients our understanding of the situation and the person.
I know I've had people praying for our son with special needs, and I don't necessarily have a strong relationship with that person. They're a church member. They're an acquaintance. They will come up to me and see him make progress and walking, and they talk to me like they know him because they've been praying for him. I think there is something really special that happens for sure.
Laura: Well, it reminds us that we're not alone—corporate prayer—that we are all in this battle together. There is such a beauty to getting together with even one other person and praying and knowing that you are not in this battle alone. Although, I will say I heard a joke recently that was hilarious, where they said—you know prayer meetings. I don't know if prayer meetings are like an old-school—churches don't do them anymore. I don't know, but I grew up in a church where they did a weekly prayer meeting, long-standing, it never changed. They always met. Just this idea that the reason that God said where two or three gathered in my name, there I will be with them, is because of prayer meetings…
[Laughter]
Laura: …only two or three people ever show up to those things. Truly, God is there when you guys are praying together and when even if it's just two people, the Lord is present in that, and he is moving and the Spirit is working. We need to engage in both kinds of prayer, and you can truly consider going to a prayer meeting. It shouldn't just be two people. Hopefully, it's much more robust.
Emily: Yes, maybe we need to revive prayer meetings.
Laura: I know. Well, I think churches still have them. I don't know.
Emily: This was before our day. Didn't they do calling people, where if somebody had a prayer request?
Laura: The prayer chain!
Emily: The prayer chain! See, I didn't grow up with a prayer chain, but I've heard tell of prayer chains.
Laura: Totally grew up with the prayer chain, and then it became an email prayer chain, but it started out as a phone. I remember.
Emily: Then, it became email forwards about things you didn't want.
Laura: Absolutely, like people's diseases and sicknesses, but the gross details you don't want to know. [Laughs] Anyway. With corporate prayer, the only last thing to say is that we know public speaking can be scary, right? Basically, praying out loud with a lot of people around can feel like public speaking. I wish that wasn't the case, because as we talked about previously, come to Lord just as you are, but if you are nervous about that or that's something that's scary, remember that it's not something that's reserved for just extroverts or people who are like business leaders and give speeches all the time.
You can even pray a short verse that you've memorized. You can keep your prayer incredibly short. There's no expectation that it's super long, so pick a small topic or even prepare something ahead of time and memorize it. Just because you prepared for something doesn't mean that it's inauthentic. I think that that's something, even for me—we have a podcast and people are always surprised whenever they hear me say, "Oh yeah, I don't really like public speaking," or, "I get nervous," and they're like, "What?" I'm like, "What? I do!" It's okay to be prepared. That's normal, and I think that joining in, though, in that corporate prayer—you're going to be a blessing to so many other people there, and then you'll be able to receive the blessing of prayer as well.
Emily: I love little children, just—they're how we should all be—just very comfortable to speak and just to say what was on their heart. I've loved watching this habit, just starting our kids when they're young. Just start them when they’re young! Say, "Why don't you pray for our family? Why don't you pray before we leave for our vacation? Why don't you pray? School's right around the corner. Why don't you pray, so-and-so?" I’ve just noticed that comfort level has been really steady, and they've never thought anything different because we've always been like, "Now it's your turn to pray for our family."
Laura: Yes. Making it normal will definitely help them. I think I like what you did right there where you gave them a topic, and I think that that helps my children because, again, they'll go into these grandiose, robust prayers that mean nothing, and if I give them a topic that throws them off their rocker, I'll usually get a more authentic prayer out of them. Then, they don't feel nervous either. Hot tips all around for you. [Laughter]
Emily: Okay. Well, hopefully this answered a few of the frequently asked questions that kids have, that moms have, that we all have. We still want to encourage you: pray now in this episode, and don't wait. Have your children pray. If they're around you, pray this afternoon, pray tonight, whatever that looks like. We will keep digging into this topic more, so stay tuned.