Prayer 03: Tips for Praying As A Family - A Chat with Hunter Beless & Laura Wifler Transcript
This transcript has been edited for clarity
Emily Jensen: Hey there, friends, Emily here. Welcome back to another episode of Risen Motherhood in the Prayer Mini-Series. I am excited for you guys to hear today's interview that is super special with our friend, Hunter Beless. Laura and Hunter are going to be talking all about tips for making a rhythm of prayer in your family. Before we jump into that, I wanted to share a very special birthday with you guys.
Today is actually Laura's book birthday. Her book Any Time, Any Place, Any Prayer releases out into the world today. I am just so, so excited for her in this. I know I had been talking with her about this book since it was just a seed of an idea. I remember reading her first manuscript and just being so impressed with the way that she communicated about the reality of prayer throughout the whole Bible and set it in a way that was fun and interesting that kids could understand.
Then it's also just been a joy to walk through the whole process with her and see Catalina's illustrations and how those have so beautifully complemented the book and have just made a lot of really, really special vignettes for kids to look at and understand how prayer can be incorporated in their lives. This is just a really, really great resource on prayer that you are going to want to pick up and have to go through with your own kids and your own family to read over and over again, and look at the pictures, and talk about why prayer is so important. I hope that you will snag a copy. It's available today at your favorite online retailer. I am just so excited for you to check out Any Time, Any Place, Any Prayer by my BFF Laura Wifler and co-host and sister-in-law.
Anyways, we have another special friend joining us on the podcast today. It is Hunter Beless. Hunter Beless is the founder of the Journeywomen podcast. She just loves God and his Word. She also does a lot of ministry in her local church context. Hunter also has a children's book coming out in April 2022. It's called Read It, See It, Say It, Sing It: Knowing and Loving the Bible through B&H Kids. That's actually a book that you can pre-order now on Amazon.
I had a chance recently to look over an early PDF copy of that book and it is so cute, and Hunter's rhymes are so clever. They are going to stick in your child's little brain and all of the book is about getting your kids excited about why God's Word is so important and how we can experience it in every different way. Reading it, singing it, seeing it, saying it—I'm getting it in the wrong order, but you've got the idea!
Anyways, we're excited to have Hunter on the show today. You can find out more about her at hunterbeless.com and follow her on Instagram—all the socials. Anyways, we know that you are going to really enjoy this episode today and there's lots of really, really good, practical tips. Let's jump into the conversation.
Laura Wifler: Well, hey, Risen Motherhood community! I am thrilled to welcome you to a very special episode of Risen Motherhood because I have an amazing and very special guest to me, Hunter Beless. Hunter, welcome to the show.
Hunter Beless: Man, I am so honored to be here. I cannot even tell you how excited I am. I'm trying to reign it in and hold it back, so I don't just jump through the earbuds to all the listeners right now.
Laura: We were talking off-air prior to the show recording of just, like—we've got to hold it together, we've got to be professional because we've just been friends for so long that it can be easy to let loose and get too goofy. We want you guys to know us and to get to know us through the show, and we're going to have a very casual conversation today, but Hunter and I go way back. We've been through a lot. I'm thrilled to introduce all of you who perhaps may not be familiar with Hunter's ministry to her today.
Hunter, tell me, beyond modeling it for our kiddos, what are some ways that you do help train your child in prayer? Because we don't need to say to our kids, "No, child, this is exactly how you should pray," but there are ways to integrate it into our daily lives and to really show our kids what the rhythms of a believer look like when we pray. I think there's a ton of benefit that Em and I have talked about in a couple of episodes prior to this. There's tons of benefit in showing your children the vast landscape of prayer, that it's not only one-word prayers, but it's also not only the 30-minute prayer time set aside. There is something to helping them understand that prayer is wildly creative. It's absolutely both beautiful and complex—there's just so many different facets to it. I want to start out by having you share with the Risen Motherhood community specifically how you use Scripture memorization in your prayer, because I know that—for the R|M community, if you guys don't follow Hunter on Instagram, go do so. @hunterbless is where you'll find her. She shares so much great content about how to weave Scripture memory into daily life and she shows her children doing it. Not only the formal aspects of it but then also some of the overflow. Can you take a second and just start there and talk about it?
Hunter: Yes, for sure. There's so much overlap for me there personally as a mom. When I first had Hadley, my oldest, there was this huge disconnect for me because I had all these spiritual disciplines that I had worked to cultivate for all of these years prior to having children, and then all of a sudden, she was there. She was there all the time and so I couldn't go and have this quiet, uninterrupted time as we all know. For me, I began to memorize Scripture with Hadley, even as an infant, because I needed the Word. It's like, well, I can't really carry my Bible around everywhere, so I'm going to take a verse and I'm going to say it out loud even though she may not be picking up everything that I'm saying. I'm going to continue to repeat it until I'm like—because I need it. I need it like food.
As that discipline continued for me, we did build in a rhythm, like you talked about, because one of the things I've learned over the 10 years of marriage that I've shared with Brooks is that communication isn't always easy. It's something that we have to build this rhythm of doing. For me, most of my rhythms—I'm not going to lie, they're built around food. I eat pretty much all day long and when I sit down to eat, I remember man doesn't live by bread alone but by every word that comes from the mouth of God. We also pray prior to eating because we remember this is God's daily provision for me. I am being fed—thank you, God. Then I also remember your ultimate provision for me in the person of your Son, Jesus, and I remember the provision of your Word. Like I said, there's a ton of overlap for me. We're sitting down, we're usually working through the verse that we're memorizing, which I know doesn't work for everybody.
It's the rhythm that we've established to remember, as much as I need food, I need the Word of God. I also, as I need the Word of God, am going to be talking to God because I desperately need his help as I go about my day. For example, we've been memorizing a ton of Psalms lately just because I realized Psalms are really easy to pick up, memorize—like you said, I love to rap. They're easy to set to a rhythm. One of the Psalms that we were working through recently is Psalm 148. It says this: "Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord from the heavens; praise him in the heights. Praise him, all his angels; praise him, all his hosts." After we work on that verse, then I just say organically, "Well, hey guys, what can we praise God for today?" So we're working on our verse, remembering how we need God's Word like we need food—it nourishes us—and then we're going to thank him for it: "Okay, so, first child, what can we praise God for today?" And it just springboards into this organic opportunity for prayers of thanksgiving and praise.
Laura: I love that. I have been listening to some podcasts about reading picture books with your kids and how to have conversations around picture books—it's totally secular. What I like that you're saying here that's resonating or relating to this other podcast is they talk about open-ended questions, and how you ask a question that really doesn't have a wrong answer: "So what can we praise God for today?” There's no wrong answer in that. It's such an open-ended question, and it helps a child, I think, feel safe and secure and that they can really think through it. They're not thinking, "Oh, what does mom want me to respond with?" Instead, they're thinking to themselves, "Oh, yes, what do I personally want to thank God for?" I love even that question-answer thing that you're doing, drawing on Scripture.
The other thing I think Scripture memorization does is it gives your child words for prayer. I think that it shows them, yes, that, "Okay, I can cry out to God like David did, or like Job did." Or "I can pray for my fellow friends, and our family, and church members like Paul did." Or "I can ask God for things that I need like Hannah did." There is something there too about memorizing God's Word—his literal words to his people—and saying, "Actually, I know that I can pray these right back to God." Your child, then, has a pattern and the words to be able to equip them, I guess.
Hunter: Yes, in that vein, we had one of our children really struggling with fear, and I think, as moms, we’re always trying to think, like, "Okay, how are we going to help them with this struggle that they're having in going to sleep?" Because we need them to go to sleep. You know what I'm saying? [Laughter]
Laura: We need our sleep, yes. [Laughter]
Hunter: Also, we're wanting to do all of these spiritual disciplines ourselves. We're wanting to memorize God's Word. This is where I think there's such a beautiful opportunity as moms where we have this child who's struggling with fear, and then I'm able to go and to intentionally look up verses about fear, and then I can pray them over her. There's this opportunity for me to be meditating on and remembering what's true, and then there's this opportunity for me to be praying for my daughter, and for her to know that God's hearing her prayers, and also for her to hear the very words of Scripture being spoken over her.
For example, she would lay down and we'd say, "God, would you help Hadley not to fear, knowing that you are with her? Would you help her not to be dismayed, knowing that you are her God? Would you strengthen her? Would you help her? Would you uphold her with your righteous right hand?" That's just a way that you can have a language for your prayers that's biblical, because that's really what prayer is—recounting the promises of God and asking him to bring those to fruition into your life. What better way for your kid to learn how to pray than to see you doing that in front of them, every morning, noon, and night?
Laura: Oh, I love that. I can get so stuck in just praying the same prayers over and over again, or praying them in the same way, and so Scripture really does, I think, allow us—when you're really focused on a topic, it helps your mind have sort of— "Okay, I'm going to jump to this and jump to that." It expands our prayers in many ways beyond just like, "Hey, help my daughter not to fear." Instead, it can become, like you're saying, a much more rich prayer, a much more specific prayer. Again, it just follows the pattern of Scripture. I love that.
Scripture, memorization, and prayer. I want to share more tips that we have of ways we've integrated prayer naturally. Hunter, what else do you have? Do you have another one?
Hunter: We recently navigated this major transition, which for one of our children sparked a ton of anxiety. She really did not want to move. She didn't want to leave her friends. Of course, I would be praying with her actively, but honestly, the need was more than I was able to meet. It occurred to me—I thought, "Man, I feel this way often in my life, and one of the ways that I have navigated that is by writing those prayers down, and really crying out to the Lord and giving myself the opportunity to do that thoughtfully in a recorded place." We gave her a journal, and I was even asking her, prior to this call, "What are some of the most helpful things that we've done in regard to teaching you how to pray?" She goes, "I really love writing in my prayer journal." I have to tell you that a lot of the way that she's writing—she's really young, it's nothing elaborate. Actually, a lot of it is pictures that she's drawing. Then a lot of it is her actually regurgitating some of the verses that we've memorized and trying to spell those out in her own journal.
I think it helps when you offer children the opportunity to write things down, whether they're writing it or you're writing it for them. I have really young kids, so we do a lot of like, "Mommy's writing down the prayers." I think it communicates the importance of their prayers. One of the things I love about praying with kids is—they can't really engage in a ton of Christian service right now at this age. They're really needy people. This is the opportunity that they have with their little voices—Psalm 8. That's another one we memorize, like, "Out of the mouths of babies and infants, you have established strength." These little voices need to cry out to the Lord on behalf of their own needs, requests—all of that—and then also on behalf of others as a simple form of Christian service at a young age. I think writing it down for my kids at least—it seems to help them recognize the value in their requests.
Laura: I love that. I have a little journal for my two older children, and they do kind of the same thing, where it's a combo of words, and pictures, and stickers, and things that they found. It sort of just turned into a little keepsake. It's super fun. One thing that we do every November, that has become somewhat of a tradition, is we have a Family Grateful Journal. Basically, November—we have Thanksgiving, and so we just write down prayers of gratitude to God, and we keep it in November because I can't do something like that all year round; I got to ramp up. It's so nice because it's the whole family—we all write it down. Like you, I will write down some of my younger ones’. Even for Eden, my youngest who has special needs. She's becoming more verbal, so I don't want to say she's non-verbal, but in general, if I ask her a question, I'm not going to get what she's grateful for, but we'll write down things. We'll pick things for her of what—she's grateful for her friends, she's thankful for her new sparkly shoes, or whatever that may be. We write those things down and then we can pray them back to God. I've loved that, just to do as a group. I think, too, it's kind of just hilarious and it's a fun little keepsake then, to have—
Hunter: —Yes!
Laura: —as your kids get older.
Hunter: That is so fun. When Brooks and I were in the military—I say "we." It was really Brooks, but we followed him around everywhere and our whole life was dictated by his schedule. We were often separate in proximity. One of the things that we started doing in regard to prayer, prior to even having kids, and that we've continued now that we have kids, is setting an alarm.
If you're separate in proximity from whoever it is that you're wanting to pray with or for, I think setting an alarm, even if you're in separate time zones—maybe you're on the opposite side of the world—setting and syncing up that alarm to go off at the same time can be such a wonderful reminder that we can come before the Lord together, even when we're separate in proximity. That was such a sweet way for us, as a family, even just to remember one another's requests. Maybe they're anxious about going to school, or maybe they're anxious about a particular project that they have that day. You can communicate the importance of prayer by setting an alarm on your phone or on your watch and telling him, "You know what, I hear you. I see that is going to be a challenge. I want to pray for you at that time. Let's pray together at 11:11," or whatever time.
Laura: Yes, that's brilliant. I have never thought to do that. I've often thought whenever you hear a friend share a request or even a child who shares something that—perhaps they don't know it's a request, but you see, and you're like, "Oh, we should pray for that together." You'll say, "Oh, I'll pray for you," and then you go off and you never do. If you don't pray immediately in that moment, perhaps that prayer never happens, but I love the idea of an alarm. You're right—it shows importance to our kids that I'm taking time. I'm putting this in my phone.
I also like the idea of anything that redeems my phone, where I'm like, "Oh, there's a good purpose to this phone to remind me to pray. It's not just for social media or endless, mindless scrolling." Then also, it gives you another opportunity then to engage in prayer when you said, "I would pray for you," to be faithful to your word. That's so good. So good.
Hunter: Will you tell me a little bit more about how you teach your children the importance of prayer when you do need that moment to pause? Not just to pray on the go, but when you're like, "Man, I'm overwhelmed." I've experienced that as a mom, every day, basically. I need a moment to go before the Lord and to lay my request and cast all my anxieties on him. Because as a mom with young kids—that's been really hard for me, because they are so physically needy. If I threw an apron over my head, like Susanna Wesley, they would be crawling on top of me. Do you have any tips for me, because I need them?
Laura: Oh, man, so are you saying how to have longer times of prayer with children alongside you?
Hunter: Maybe not even long—maybe two minutes. [Laughter]
Laura: Oh man, that's such a good question because, as my kids—so my oldest is eight and they are getting older. My kids are just a titch older than yours—not a lot. I will say with my older kids, one thing that we have started, where if I need more time to pray, or I even just want to have a conversation with them that hopefully will lead to prayer or requires prayer towards the end, is we'll go on a prayer walk. We're already starting that with my eight-year-old. It's kind of an old-school Christian-camp-counselor-type thing I feel that you would do at camp or whatever.
We'll just go on a walk—maybe walk a mile. We'll talk to one another about—and I'll ask them specific questions. I even was reading this thing the other day about a lot of times when we have serious conversations with our kids, we'll get down low—we'll stoop down low, we'll look them in the eye, and we'll say, "What's wrong, sweet boy?" or "What's going on?" They were saying, perhaps try walking side by side and for some of these heavier, more serious conversations, to walk side by side, shoulder to shoulder because it takes some of the pressure off. Even when my son—as we're praying and we're talking to God about maybe something more serious—maybe it's having a conversation about something that has consequences for or discipline for, or maybe it's just something big that's on his heart or big event coming up—I find that he is more verbal and more talkative when we are shoulder to shoulder, rather than we are eyeball to eyeball. I think, too, that he's more willing to engage in longer-form prayer. I don't know—that might not be the case for every kid, so that's not universal advice, but it has been something helpful for us.
Hunter: Brooks has actually mentioned that to me before too. I don't know, but Brooks has mentioned that I think certain people would rather work alongside rather than looking in the eyeballs and talking too, so that's a really good exhortation. I think sometimes when I'm wanting to do that longer-form prayer like you talked about, I've found—I still sit on the foot of my kids' beds as they're dozing off, especially because we've moved so much. They're in new locations all the time. I've developed this habit of sitting at the foot of their bed, so they feel comfortable to fall asleep. I found that as I'm praying, right when they're falling to sleep, it's almost like, "Oh, yay. We get to stay up just a little bit later while mom is praying [laughs], and she can go as long as she wants in this time." It's such a sweet opportunity for me to pray things over them that I hope to see in their life.
I think it sparks—I remember as a college student seeing one of my friends. She had just taken everything that I'd been vocalizing to her—my concerns, my cares, my worries—and she'd written it on her board in her bathroom. I remember seeing it—it was almost a confrontation of, "Pray for Hunter to practice contentment," and this, this, and this. I'm like, "Man. That was good for me to see and to hear that this is a concern that the people around me have."
For me to be able to vocalize over my kids, man, "God, would you help this, that, or the other child to walk in contentment and to walk in the peace that they have in Christ Jesus?" I have seen a difference in my children's lives praying over them aloud. That's a really great time, I think, for us to do some of that longer-form prayer too, as a mom of really young littles.
Laura: Absolutely. I know, especially in the middle of the night, if my kids are afraid—like you talked about earlier—praying for them. As we've made that a habit, when they've needed me to come in for whatever reason, whether they're sick or afraid or whatever, they will now say, "Mom, will you pray for me?" It's a comfort. It's almost like their little lovey. It's like a comfort to them, and I just loved that.
On the flip side too, Hunter, of what you're saying, with longer-form prayers with kids, I am just reminded about any mama out there who has a child who perhaps is wiggly or doesn't want mom to stay around. My youngest, again, special needs—she isn't going to sit around for probably long-form prayer, unless there's action happening. She's kind of like, "Baa"—really wiggly. What we've done is we just say a couple of words over all of our kids every night that, "God loves you, God made you, and God is kind to you."
That is just something that we rehearse over our children, but for my youngest, I've now turned that into a prayer of, "God, let her know that you love her, you are kind to her, and you made her. Help Eden to believe this." That's all I really have time for and that's okay. I think just knowing that reading your child and where they're at developmentally or with what they need—that I think it's become a comfort, even to her, where now, again, my mostly non-verbal child will say "love" and "kind" at this point. She's—I know, do you just lose it? [Laughs] Hunter is over there with just the big lip.
Hunter: I can't.
Laura: Aw, man.
Hunter: I love that, and I love even the liturgy of that prayer. Just sometimes as a mother, we need that reminder. I think that's the benefit of what we were talking about—even memorizing shorter verses that we can just use as a way by which to remind ourselves of what God has promised, especially on those really hard days where you're like, "Man, I just got to get these kids tucked into bed and I need them to know I love you because you're mine, regardless of anything that happened today. I love you because you're mine, and God loves you even more than I ever could."
Laura: Okay. One last tip because we got to wrap it up soon. I'll give one and you give one, Hunter. My last tip is pictures—using pictures to pray with your kids. I have found this to be really helpful with my children. Around the dinner table, we will cut up their—my kids have been in a variety of public school, private school, and home school, so we've done all the school types, but when they are in school with classmates, we will cut up—you know that little picture that they send home of your whole class and it has every kids' picture on it? Then we can pray for all of their classmates, one each night, or I’ll print off a picture of their teacher if we don't have it. We have printed off pictures of our elders and our pastors, of politicians.
You can actually go online and just search "US Senators." It's a titch cumbersome, but in general, you can get pictures of all of the senators, or if you want to do—there's a way to get all of the presidents and chancellors—I don't know, all the political government leaders that they have. You can print those off easily, cut them up and then pray country by country for the different leaders of every country. I think that's been helpful just to show my kids how big the world is and how there are people that are setting the pace for us and really trying to lead the country in the best way that they can. We've really enjoyed that, because I think it gives a little bit more tangibility to the process of prayer.
Hunter: Yes, I think for me—just working out discipleship and all of that in the context of motherhood—I am just learning to voice what I'm doing. A lot of times, I think I need to do this spiritual discipline, this private thing—whether it be prayer or even as you were talking, I was thinking giving—things like that in private—or I just am trying to get the thing done. Then I will go and try and move into the lives of my kids more intentionally.
If you can just look for every, single opportunity to overlap what you're doing, whether it be giving—one of the things that came to mind as you were talking is: we have some people that we support in ministry or we have a child that we support overseas. I ask my kids—I'm like, "What is the thing you enjoy praying for the most?" They enjoy praying for our friends who are in ministry overseas that we are supporting. So instead of writing that check or going online and typing in my credit card number without including them in that process, I just see it as, "Hey, this is an opportunity. Mom's plugging this in right here. Let's pause. Let's pray for our friends who are in Dubai. Let's pray for our friends who are over in Turkey. Let's pray for our sponsored child who's over in Uganda."
I think if you just—instead of seeing these things as separate, things that you need, boxes that need to be checked during nap time—it'll actually be a benefit to you to be able to overlap as much as you possibly can. To include them in those things, so that then it's kind of a natural rhythm of their life: we're going to give generously, and we're going to pray for those who we're giving to.
Laura: That's so good. We have taken the pictures of the missionaries that we support—I love it when they send you the magnets and stuff—that's another one that we'll involve into our rotation of photos or write their names on popsicle sticks and you can toss it on the table and pull those out randomly. The kids love the randomness of, "Who are we going to get to pray for today?"
In all of this, Hunter, I think you and I would both agree that so much of this is about having eyes to see where we can integrate prayer and that it becomes—I think of this Martin Luther quote—I think we've talked about it on the show already in this mini-series. It's part of the video trailer. If you haven't seen that, head back and watch our video trailer that's on social media. The Martin Luther quote that talks about prayer should be as necessary as breathing for us as believers.
That prayer should be something that we just do incredibly naturally and frequently. Yet I know, for so many of us, it feels like, "Man, this feels a little bit arduous. This feels like it's hard. It feels like I really have to discipline my mind to see these opportunities for prayer." What I want to encourage everyone in—who's out there listening—is that it does take time and it does take effort to build up a new habit, but over time—number one, it does become easier. I think that we have the Spirit working in our hearts. If we pray that we would pray, that matters and that can change our spirits and our hearts.
We pray for our children to grow in prayer. I think that is where we ultimately have to start with all of this—less so on the formal teaching and more so in just knowing that God can do a work to transform our children's hearts, to make them love talking with him because they love him and who he is. Prayer is really about falling in love with the God of the universe to where you almost can't stop from speaking to him. We just want to encourage you today in knowing that prayer begets prayer.
If you, mama, are praying, and if that is your heart, and if that is something that becomes a rhythm of your life, your child will naturally grow in that. You can have all the tools and tips and tricks in the world that Hunter and I are sharing, but ultimately—I look at the list of what we talked about today and I'm like, like you said, Hunter, my parents didn't do that. I don't remember any formal teaching. Yet, while my prayer life can always improve—I don't want to say that—I do feel like I talk with God pretty frequently. My parents, though, didn't do any formal training or teaching, that I can at least recall. An encouragement to you—to all the listeners—that no matter where you're at on this path, don't feel like it's too late. They're too far gone. This is too hard. Pray. Pray for a soul and a heart that longs to talk with God.
Hunter: Tune my heart, to give you praise. I love it.
Laura: Amen. Well, if you guys want to learn more about Hunter, because she is so fun—she's awesome. Again, the content she produces—I would say is much like this. Again, geared more towards women holistically—not just mothers, but she does a lot for mothers, and obviously is a phenomenal mother herself. I encourage you to go check out all of her resources and her platform she has @hunterbeless. On Instagram, you can find her real quick there. Then, of course, journeywomenpodcast.com. There you can find links to all the things that she does through that ministry. Hunter, thank you again for joining us on Risen Motherhood. It was a joy to have you!
Hunter: Oh, I can't believe we're done talking and, everybody, make sure—Happy Book Birthday—
Laura: Oh, thank you.
Hunter: —and make sure to go pick up a copy of this book, because it will certainly be a help to you as you go about trying to have conversations like this with your kiddos. Thank you so much for writing it.
Laura: Oh, thank you, Hunter. It was a joy to have you today.