What We're Still Talking About 01: Marriage Transcript
This transcript has been edited for clarity.
Laura Wifler: Over the last two years, Emily, you and I have switched from going show by show by show to something more like mini-series, where we've been going deep into a topic, and we're exploring it from all different angles. Then we pop up for air, and we pick a different topic. What I'm so excited for this season is that we're going back to our old-school roots.
Emily Jensen: Yeah, I think we wanted to show how, even though the circumstances of our motherhood have changed—like, now we have kids that are in mid to late-elementary school. We don't have babies and toddlers anymore. The principles that we were talking about when we did have babies and toddlers are still applicable. In a lot of ways, the topics that we're talking about have not dramatically changed. We're really excited to take some of those things that we were dabbling in when our kids were really little and age them up to the current things that we're facing in motherhood and see how timeless the gospel actually is.
Laura: Emily and I are releasing a brand-new version of the Risen Motherhood book. It's called the Deluxe version, which—that title just really indicates that there are a few extra chapters. There's an extra intro, and it's got this beautiful heirloom-style cover and pages. It has a ribbon. It's linen. You might have seen it on social media when we announced it. But what happened as we put together this book—as we were working on the Deluxe version—we went back through the original book, and we were like, "Yes, still talking about that, still talking about that, still talking about that." Every single topic, like you're saying—we felt like, while they had aged up in some ways, while there were some different nuances or different ways that we come at it, we both were very comforted by this reality that the gospel principles that we had written in that book still rang entirely true even where we are now about four years later since that book released.
Emily: We added three new chapters as well. We tried to touch on some things that we've seen moms struggling with that maybe we didn't write in the original book. We've got chapters on the work of the home, income-producing work, and just fear. I know we've all been struggling with that in the last few years, but we would love for you to check that out. Because, like we were talking about, we think that these principles still apply.
It's not that we need a new truth or a different truth or different hacks. We need the same truths over and over in whatever the new circumstance is that God has given us. That's our hope too on this series this fall—to dig back in. You may be hearing us revisit some things from the past, maybe some of your early beloved episodes, and then talking about them in light of what we're facing today.
Laura: The first episode that we're tackling is, surprisingly, one of the most popular episodes that we did. I think you and I would've never foreseen that coming when we first recorded it—which is the When Husbands Work Long Hours show. If you are a longtime listener of Risen Motherhood, you might remember when Emily interviewed me. Goodness, it was very early in Risen Motherhood. It's maybe like Show 60 or something like that.
Emily: Double digits.
Laura: We’ll link it in the show notes if you want to listen to the original, but that show really seemed to resonate with a lot of women. It was one of these main shows that we kept hearing from, not only just in terms of statistics, but also in notes to our inbox, when we’d see you guys in person, notes to social media where you would just say, "Hey, that really resonated with me. I still really struggle with that. That's a real issue in my home, in my family, and that's like one of the harder things for me in motherhood." It's this marriage issue, but it also very much affects our motherhood. We thought we would re-explore that, re-talk about that today. Marriage is one of those topics that I feel like—while we're a motherhood show, marriage really matters to motherhood.
Emily: Absolutely.
Laura: We wanted to dive back into that topic.
Emily: We originally talked about it because you had a husband that was working long hours. It's been interesting because I've now gone through seasons where my husband, who had more of a traditional 8:00 to 5:00, has worked some longer hours as we have opened up two businesses. As we've gone through those seasons where we're getting ready to open a new location, sometimes for six to eight weeks or more, there's just this really unpredictable time where—you guys know the small business memes . . .
"You're the accountant, you're the mechanic, you're the janitor, you're the whatever." No matter what happens, it's like, "Oh, he has to figure that out or we have to figure that out." There's a lot of unpredictability—of staying late, of "Oh, I didn't think I had to go in today. Now, there is a reason why I need to go in"—and that would include Saturdays and Sundays and whatever. We have gone through more of those seasons. I'm excited to jump in this time as well. I know on the last show, we did more of an interview with you and some of the things God was teaching you. We've both walked through different seasons of this, and we've heard from so many friends and moms. I think we have more observations now than perhaps we did early on of the way this looks in different marriages and different vocations and different seasons of motherhood. I think, as we're having this discussion today, we're really bringing a lot of that to the table, not just our own personal experiences.
Laura: Right. That's a good call, Emily—that we really want to broaden this out to not just be about Laura's personal experience. Just as a quick update where I am personally at—some of you guys may know some of the story. My husband and I did move to Iowa, so Emily and I get to record in person together, which we love. We moved there for a better work-life balance, which it is a bit better, but my husband still works in a 24/7 production plant.
Just the nature of that means long days. It means nights and weekends. It means just unpredictable, long hours. Both Emily and I go through a lot of seasons where our husbands are away from home or we're not really sure when they're going to get home. That's where I'm at. If you haven't listened to the last episode—for those of you who maybe have military spouses or you have just husbands who travel a lot, I know traveling is a very big and difficult hardship that can happen in families.
My husband never has had major traveling, but he did used to do these 60 to 90-day turnarounds where he would work 12-hour days. He would do 14 days in a row. You'd get your 14th day off. It was essentially like he was traveling, and he would mostly work at nights. During the day, we would black out the room, cover the shades, and he would sleep. Then he would go into work at night and sometimes those days were up to 15 hours. They were really long, really crazy, hard seasons where it did almost feel like my husband was traveling.
Then the other kind of note that I forgot to mention is that, currently, my husband did just graduate with his MBA. While he was doing all of his work here in Iowa, in addition, he was getting his master's. Anybody who's had a husband who's in grad school understands just some of the challenges that comes with having a student for a husband. I was joking that I was the only person in my family that wasn't a student right now, but I was a student of sanctification. Basically, we were all in school over the past two years. That also played into my husband being away and what that looked like.
Emily: Even if you don't have a husband that technically works like a ton over 40 hours a week, maybe your husband is on call. There's just this sense of unpredictability, of "I don't know when the phone is going to ring" or—do people still have pagers?
Laura: I don't know. [Laughter] That’s hilarious.
Emily: That's a picture I have of someone who’s on call.
Laura: I wonder if some people do. We need to have some doctor friends or something. I don't know. That's funny.
Emily: Obviously, this is not part of my life.
Laura: Some people are probably like, "What in the world is a pager?”—some of the young moms on here. [Laughter]
Emily: Okay, moving forward from that. Maybe they have a schedule where they work three to five days and they're just on all the time, and then they're home for a few days, but that can be really stressful. Perhaps you have a husband that works a night shift, or his schedule is off of what the kids’ regular waking schedule is, or perhaps your husband is a pilot. It's like someone calls and says, "Hey, you need to go and do this job," and they're gone for two or three days at a time and then they come back. There can be a lot of reasons why, again, even if you're like, "Oh, he doesn't work significant hours," where scheduling can have a big impact on family life and the pressures of raising kids.
Laura: Yes, exactly. We're going to dive into all of that—some of the lies that we believe or tell ourselves. Before we do, one thing we want to note is that we are today specifically talking about marriages and lifestyles where both spouses are seeking the Lord. We know that no marriage is perfect, but we want to couch this conversation in a context where we recognize that there isn't necessarily significant unconfessed sin or neglect in marriage. If you are seeing that in your marriage, please, please, please we implore you, seek help from a pastor or professional if needed.
Also, from our conversation today, you might be trying to figure out, "Ooh, what are the right roles in marriage? What does that look like and what's the ideal?" We just want to encourage you to not necessarily read into things of thinking about, "Ooh, this is exactly what Laura does or what Emily does as the ideal split for how work and home life look." Every family is different. There are a lot of different thoughts on this, even among Christians. Regardless of what your hope or your ideal is, just recognize that moms need gospel truths to comfort and guide them with where they're at right now, and we just want to provide those specific things to you today.
Emily: Let's jump in because I think one of the biggest feelings moms can have sometimes in these situations is just a desire for their husband to change—for the job to change, for things to look differently. Sometimes, in the midst of that, we're also believing a lie that says, "He doesn't want it to change. He actually wants to be away or be away from our family. He'd rather travel or work than be home." How does this lie play out, Laura?
Laura: Well, I know that this is something that I told myself for a long, long time— many, many years—especially when I was home with young children during the day as a stay-at-home mom. I think I felt a victim mentality where I felt like, "Oh, I'm sacrificing and doing all of this at home, and he doesn't see this. He gets to be away and enjoy adult conversation and have all of these great, wonderful times with other adults."
I think that what happened for me specifically at least is that I ended up almost making him pay when he was home and was giving him either the silent treatment or wanting to hash out, "Hey, here's how things need to change." Honestly, I was wasting a lot of precious minutes that I could have had with enjoyable time with him and the kids. Just to add some gospel truths or principles that we can think on here: I know, for me, a big thing that I had to remember was believing the best in my husband. Unless he has explicitly said, "Hey, I don't want to be home"—which he never did! He always came home and wanted to be involved with the kids, and he wanted to be there. He would say, "Hey, I don't like this any more than you do" or different things like that. We start getting in our heads and telling ourselves different stories, but we can believe the best in them and take them for their word and trust that they are trying to be faithful in their lives, the way that we are trying to be faithful in ours.
I know as I've become more of what you'd call a working mom or income-producing-work mom, I've had a lot more compassion in recognizing the demands and pressures that work puts on. That has helped shape the way that I speak to my husband about his work and realizing that—hey, Proverbs 27:15: "A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm." That has been very convicting for me, recognizing, "I don't want to be a dripping on the leaky roof. I don't want to be that!"
And recognizing 1 Corinthians 13—it talks about how, "If you are not speaking in love, you're just a clanging gong or a cymbal." Those are things that I learned over the course of a long period of time. If I wasn't cautious about how I was speaking to my husband, about when I was saying things—if it wasn't in love and because I'm rooting for him and I'm cheering him on, and I'm saying, "I am for you"—those words are empty, and they weren't taking us anywhere.
Emily: I think, oftentimes, we're really limited in our ability to change our husband's mind in this significant way by arguing against it or talking about it, or it may not even be a desire that he has to change his work. Those are good conversations to have in an appropriate way over a long period of time, and we're going to talk about that. But just on a day-to-day basis, sometimes I think if we want to see something change or something is bothering us, the first place to go with that is to the Lord because the Lord sees his heart. The Lord knows his heart. If your husband is a follower of Christ and he believes in God, he's got the Holy Spirit in him. God is working through that Spirit in his life.
And so take those requests to the Lord and trust that God is at work in his heart and that God can change his heart when the Lord sees that as right, if the Lord sees that as right. Or see how God is changing you through that prayer as you say, "God, I want this to change. Lord, this is so hard." Just see, over the course of weeks and months and years, what he does with that. Sometimes we can be surprised at the beautiful sanctification that happens or the provision that comes or the changes that happen maybe in ways that we weren't expecting because we took those—not even laments, but just petitions to the Lord and petitioned before his throne.
Laura: There are a hundred things that I was like, "Oh, I want to talk about that, I want to talk about that, I want to talk about that." I think one major thing that you were saying in there is—first, I feel like you can have sometimes an incorrect perception of how much your husband is away, right? As moms, we can think, "Man, my husband's away so, so much." In reality, it's probably a healthy amount that he's away in order to bring income home to the family and provide.
I think that especially happened for me when I was a stay-at-home mom, right? It was just like this—I was out of the home zero, and he was out of the home 100%. That's how it felt. I think it's really important that, as much as we're able—and I think in some senses, it can be very hard to get this—but to add perspective to, like, "What is he really gone?" Then number two—what you're saying there, Em, I think, is there's a holy discontent that we can have if indeed your husband is gone a significant amount, and, if indeed, hey, there could be some knobs that we could turn that could help him to come home more.
Again, starting with the right perception of how many hours he really is away—if your husband's gone 8:00 to 5:00, and you're wishing he was home for lunch with you, there's just maybe some perceptions there that we need altered. But if your husband's really truly gone a long period of time, there can be a very holy discontent that we can pray and—exactly what you're saying—petition the Lord, have conversations with your husband—even talk to some friends about. Or maybe if you have a connection group or a pastor—those are things that you can take to other people who are rooting for your marriage. They can maybe help bring some objectivity into the conversation. Or it's like with a kid when you're like, "I just needed to hear it from somebody else than Mom." Suddenly, they're like, "Wow, it's the best advice I've ever heard," and you're like, "I've been saying that for years." I think sometimes that can happen as well.
Emily: Yes, absolutely. Any time you're wanting to have a hard conversation, timing and tone are critical. Trying to find a time when you can talk about this without being overwhelmed and swept up into emotion—when you can think rationally and objectively and state your needs really clearly, ask questions, and then be open to a variety of different solutions that might not have been exactly what you came to the conversation wanting.
Sometimes—I know for my husband and I, it's come in the form of like, "Honey, why don't you feel free to order pizza? Use paper plates or let's get a cleaner," or whatever the thing is. I know everybody's situation is different and what you can afford and things like that. I've just been really surprised sometimes, when I state those needs, sometimes my husband does have different creative ways to meet those needs where they're at if his job situation can't change right then.
I think it is really truly okay and good and right as moms if we are totally overwhelmed and we are getting into a situation where we're burned out and we are not being able to do the basic things we need to do to care well for ourselves so that we can care well for our family—it is good to speak up and share those things in a way, again, that is appropriate with considering timing and tone in a prayerful way and then to work towards those solutions.
I think what we're not saying is just suffer until it is so, so horrible that there's something terrible going on. Consider talking about it in a way that's healthy and helpful or even have a mediator, like what you were saying, Laura, where there's somebody who trusts the Lord and they can listen to you both share and help translate what's going on—like, "I hear your wife is needing this, and I hear you're saying this. Here's what I hear going on." There's just a lot of practical things that can be really helpful.
Laura: Another lie that we often believe is within the realm of grumbling and complaining—this lie that says, "Hey, I deserve the perfect home life now. If my husband were just home 24/7, then everything would be a lot better." I think sometimes this can be revealed when we see a disproportionate response to your husband not being home.
It's something where you're always ruminating on it, you're thinking about it, you're complaining to others about it, maybe even complaining to your children, "Daddy's not home again," or "Of course, I'm doing bedtime again"—speaking poorly about your husband just to anyone. I think those are all indicators that we can look at and say, "Ooh, I have a heart that's complaining or grumbling about this."
Emily: I think sometimes too, we're starting from a place of longing for good things, right? We want God's design, we want heaven, and so we also want work to be without thorns and thistles and toil, right? I think it's a good desire that we want our family to be together and that we do feel a little bit of that bristle towards the things that separate us or cause that loss and frustration and, "Oh, I thought you were going to be home at this time, and now you're not."
I think that desire in us for those things to go away is the desire for God's goodness and design and perfection. We should look at the thorns and thistles and be like, "Ugh, I'm so ready for that to be gone and to be done," but then at the same time, we have to have expectations that, "No, on this side of heaven, these hard things are going to exist in some capacity." There is no such thing as a perfect home life. Our perfect home life is only going to be in heaven.
Laura: I think some gospel principles we can lean on here—I love what you're talking about: our perfect home life is only found in heaven. And also looking, "Hey, is this an identity issue? Is this something where we have our identity wrapped up in our husband and how much he's at home?" Again, seeing that disproportionate response and feeling like my peace, my contentment, is all rooted in whether or not my spouse is home. This is where we have to remember that your spouse cannot meet all your needs—only Jesus can. God is the only one who will fully satisfy you, and your husband will fail you. If not in this specific issue, it will be something else.
As moms, I think it's really important for us to get that order right, where we're able to say, "Hey, my attitude, my identity, is not centered on our husbands. It's dependent only on Christ." Then what happens is that we can say, "Hey, I love you, husband. I love you no matter what happens. Not because you met my needs or you were perfectly meeting my expectations, but because my needs have already been met in Christ. I can love you because I have been loved first." That's a no-strings-attached kind of love that we want to live out.
Emily: At the end of the day, we are called to be faithful in whatever life God has given us. We are accountable for our own actions. God is looking into our hearts. We are going to be—what does the Bible say—held accountable for every careless word spoken. It's something like that. [Laughter]
Laura: I'm with you.
Emily: Those things matter for us. Sometimes—I don't know if you've ever heard this illustration, when the pastor is preaching and he's like, "I know you guys are all thinking about the person sitting next to you right now as I'm giving the application. Start with thinking about you first."
I think that we need to do that sometimes as we're looking at our husbands and going, "Well, he's failing in this area, and he needs to change his work-life balance in this area, and he needs to be more communicative in this area . . . "—"I wonder if I've gotten the log out of my own eye first, if I've looked at some of the ways that I'm falling short as a wife"—to start there and to say, "I'm accountable for how I have joy in Christ and then reflect and overflow that joy to others." It's really helpful, again, not to say our husbands don't have things that need correcting, but that shouldn't be our immediate or biggest emphasis in our thoughts and life.
Laura: Well, honestly, I think one of the quickest ways to move your husband into inaction—not doing anything—is by making him feel like a failure. But the quickest way to move him into action is to believe in him and to say, "I am rooting for you. You can do this. I believe in you." Often as wives, our words start bringing them down and start pointing out all the right ways that they have done wrong. Then they just start feeling like "I'm a failure and I cannot do anything. I just shouldn't move a muscle because I'm just going to mess it up one more time."
In this, we have a saying at our house. You guys have probably heard me talk about it before. It just says, "Daddy gets the best." It's just this idea that, "Hey, we want to honor Dad and to give him the best things that we can because we're so thankful for him in our home." It's not this like he's superior or he's better than anyone else. It's nothing like that.
It's just a short mantra of thinking, "Hey, how can we think of Dad? Dad's not here right now. Let's give him the best piece of pizza. Let's speak of him in the best ways we possibly can." Just think through, "What are some of these ways that we can honor Dad?" I think that's been a really good and helpful thing for me as I have struggled at times feeling like, "Ooh, I really wish he was here," but to say, "No, how do I be a blessing to him?" "Daddy gets the best" is just like a short answer of reminding myself of that truth.
Emily: Another thing we can sometimes feel in the midst of this is just a roaming eye with comparison—looking around at the moms in our lives and seeing what their husbands' work schedules look like or when their husbands are home and then thinking, "Oh, people who have it different from me have it easier than me." If our lives just look like their lives, we would be happy, or we wouldn't have these conflicts, or my motherhood would be easier. I wouldn't be so overwhelmed. That comparison can be a real—I don't know—just pinch point for us.
Laura: Killjoy. [Laughter] It really is.
I think comparison—we see in Scripture that comparison tends to lead us to either pride or despair, right? It doesn't always do this, but in the type of comparison that Emily and I are talking about, where we're pitting each other against ourselves and saying, "Ooh, do you have a better home life than you do?", you're either going to feel good about your home life and think like, "Oh, I have a better husband than she does or he cares about us more," or "I'm more self-sufficient because I don't have to have my husband around and I'm doing great," or we lead to despair where you just feel like, "This is just the worst. My lot in life is worse than everybody else's and nobody cares about me."
When we are comparing our standard to each other, it's usually a recipe for failure because our standard is God and his perfect holiness. When we look to that, we all realize, "Oh, none of us actually measure up," right? Because of Jesus's work on the cross, we actually know that when God looks at us, he sees Christ. He sees perfect righteousness, perfect holiness. What a gift that we can be grateful for. This kind of right-sizes our own perception of ourselves and our view of ourselves and our situations.
In that, we can do what you were saying earlier, Emily—be faithful in the situation God has of us because we don't need to look at neighbor Mary over there who has this great home life and I really am envious of her, but instead, to say, "Lord, this is where you put me. This is the circumstance I have been placed in. Help me be grateful for that because I know that I have the ultimate gift, which is eternal life because of Christ."
Emily: We have to keep that grace in view and what we really deserve versus what we've been given, which is way above and beyond what we deserve in Christ. Sometimes, when I think about this, I think about a toddler, preschooler, and they want just one cookie like, "I just want one, Mom, please, please, please, please, please." You're probably like, "Okay, I'll give you one cookie."
They eat it. They walk away. They come back with chocolate chips smashed all over their face. What do they instantly do? "I want another one," like, "No, that one wasn't enough. I actually wanted two." I think that's true of us. No matter what we have, we always can find a reason to be discontent with it or to grumble about it or to feel like we don't quite have enough. If we just had a little bit more, it would be better.
I can remember this from even when my husband was working a pretty typical 8:00 to 5:00. It's a little embarrassing to share this to the listeners who are here because some of you are really truly dealing with husbands who are working significant hours. I can remember if he came home at 5:45 instead of 5:15—those 30 minutes, I would be so upset and frustrated and just be like, "I can't survive another 30 minutes," and like, "What were you thinking?" We had maybe three kids, three and under. I was so fatigued by that point.
I was putting all my hope in this moment when he would come home. It's so funny to me to look back now and think like, "Well, what was the big deal?" It wasn't that significant. I just share that to say, I think sometimes we need to have a little bit of compassion too because no matter what someone's situation is, there's probably something in it that, for them, feels hard or feels like a lot. I think that's one of the tricky things about comparison—whatever you have can be hard for you.
Laura: I'm glad you shared that, Emily, because I'm guessing it's a reality for a lot of moms. Because even when I had just one kiddo, if my husband was home any time after 5:00—and he was normally home after 7:00—but I was like, "Five o'clock is when husbands are supposed to be home." I would have two or three hours of grumbling and complaining with just one kiddo.
You're right. I think whatever you have, it does feel very hard in that moment. I also think, though, that there is an element of—perhaps they're fine and they're doing okay. They're pretty content in their husband's work schedule and they're okay making it until 6:00 or 7:00 or whatever the time is. There are other hard things in that person's life, right? It may not be the work schedule, but do not assume that you know the full story of someone’s suffering.
Emily: 100%.
Laura: That's what comparison does, right? We think we know their whole story. We can see everything and we're going to put that up on our little Gantt chart or whatever up there and we're going to look at it. You do not know what's going on in someone's house, in someone's life. Even your close friends—sometimes you might be surprised at what you find out. I think that has been a sobering reminder for me too of, yes, maybe they do have it easier with the husband working long hours thing, but there are other things that you wouldn't wish to have either.
Emily: Just to wrap up a few practical things that we see as themes and threads throughout this whole thing is just to always start with prayer. I think any time we have something in life where it feels overwhelming and difficult and sad and we're just really not sure what to do about it, we go to the Lord for wisdom. That's what Scripture promises. If we sincerely come to him wanting his help and his counsel and his wisdom and wanting to depend on him and be obedient to whatever he would ask us to do, the Lord will be faithful to give that wisdom and guidance and direction.
It may not look exactly like we thought. It won't look like what you thought—spoiler! It is true that prayer matters, and prayer affects this type of situation and prayer changes things. It's really a good challenge for those of us who are in a situation where you're like, "Ooh, I am struggling with this": have you started with prayer? Just challenge yourself to two weeks: "Every single morning for two weeks, I'm going to pray about this and then see where I'm at."
Laura: Another quick tip is just to consider memorizing verses in areas you might be struggling with. Anger and patience and trusting God—those are always good things to bring those to mind. Meditate on those when you're feeling feelings of angst about everything. Another tip would just be: enjoy your husband while he's home. I like what Emily said—"Try it for two weeks"—because I always have to put a limit on my goals or else I feel very overwhelmed by them, like, "Well, I have to do it every day until I die."
Instead, just say, "Hey, for the next two weeks, I want to work on being a joy and a light when my husband comes home"—to just welcome him home when he comes in and not hold things over him, not make him feel bad. Maybe you work and you get home after your husband—
I know lately, for me, my husband got home at 6:00 the other night, which was early, which was great. I was like, "See you later." I ran upstairs because I was under a writing deadline, and I needed to get going. I wrote from 6:00 to 10:00, and I hardly saw him that night, but I was like, "I'm so glad you're home. Thanks for being here." I felt some frustration because he knew I had a writing deadline. I had hoped he'd be home a little bit earlier, but he got home when he could, and I was like, "Okay, I want to just be thankful for that, not get upset with him about that because I'm thankful that he's making the effort to come home."
Our work schedules have to be a little crazy to make everything work out. I think that that's something from the old days where maybe I would've not said a word to him and just walked straight upstairs and made sure he knew that I was frustrated that he was not respecting my work and the work I needed to get done. Take it from someone who's messed up a lot. Don't do that. Enjoy your husband.
Emily: As an oversaturated tip I will give—but it's oversaturated sometimes because it's true. It's just to find things that you can give thanks for. God says, "Rejoice always. Give thanks in all things." Sometimes when we're feeling grumbly, we're noticing the things that we don't have instead of saying, "Yes, thank you, Lord, that my AC is working. It's 95 degrees outside"—
Laura: Yes, seriously.
Emily: —You know who primarily helps pay that bill in our personal house is my husband and his work that he's gone doing. "Thank you, Lord, that he's gone today so we can have that." When I go to the grocery store, whatever those things are—and I know everybody's income situation is different. Again, we're not trying to prescribe something. Whatever that looks like for you, I'm sure you can find reasons to thank the Lord for the work that your husband is doing and the way that that is positively impacting your family for the kingdom.
We can thank God for that or, at the very least, we can thank God for the sanctification he's doing in our life right now. "Thank you, Lord, that you are working all things for good, for the good of those who are called according to your purpose. Thank you, Lord, that that's me," and, very least, thank God that he's working in your heart to change you to be more like Christ.
