A Letter for the Little Years
Dear Mom,
They say that the days are long and the years are short, and it’s true. The baby and toddler season goes by so fast, but maybe you don’t really believe it! I’m sure you often greet the day with fatigue from sleepless nights, fear because of endless worries, resentment from the snare of compare or a lack of help from a spouse or family members, regret from the past day’s sinful outburst or attitude, and maybe even anxiety about what lies ahead today. I’ve been there and first want to acknowledge that you are not alone, and I see you. I see you striving, pushing through, trying your best to hold it together until the weight of the day lands with a thud on fresh stores of grace that the Lord provides through rest.
Leaning on the Lord
Speaking of rest, are you getting any? That’s really a rhetorical question because, if you’re like most moms of littles, rest is a commodity you believe you can’t afford—or maybe don’t even think you deserve. But let me tell you; if I had to do it all over again, I would definitely “rest when the children rest.” I know what you’re thinking. When the kids are napping, you feel like you can get so much more done—the house is quiet, no one is attached to your heels or your breasts or your lap, and you finally have time to yourself to catch up on chores, prep dinner, scroll social media, talk to a friend, watch a show, work out, and the list goes on! And you’re right. There are so many ways that you can use nap time productively, but I’ve learned the hard way that, oftentimes, the most productive thing you can do while your littles are napping is to rest yourself!
As an older woman in my fifties, I’m beginning to experience the negative effects of cumulative fatigue. And I’m understanding how vital rest is to overall wellness. Rest is restorative. It gives our bodies and minds and emotions a chance to repair. It improves our productivity, creativity, energy, clarity, decision-making, and our mood. Spiritually, rest is a gift and a spiritual discipline that allows us to practically cast our cares on the Lord, in full dependence upon him to keep us, sustain us, and restore our souls.
Rest is also resistance. Through rest, we resist the temptation to think and act as if our life circumstances are under our control. That we must “do all the things.” We resist anxiety, worry, and fear as our muscles relax, our eyes close, our heartbeat and breathing slow, and our bodies, minds, emotions, and soul all give themselves fully to the One who never sleeps nor slumbers.[1] Through rest, we actively demonstrate God’s sovereign rule over all things. So, try to get you some rest today, my sister.
Looking Ahead
I remember those years of coming out of the infant fog, seeing your toddler grow a bit more independent, and anticipating more freedom and the return of “the old you.” I also remember the crushing realization that “the old you” is not merely old but nearing extinction. There’s enough of her left that you can nostalgically look back and try to regain parts of her. She’ll never be “all” of who you are. She can’t be. She was never meant to be all of you. All of who you are is now composed of that woman x change x time. In fact, who you are right now is not all of who the Lord has made you to be.
You are made in God’s image and likeness and are maturing to be more and more like him, growing from “one degree of glory to another” (2 Cor. 3:18). It’s okay to grieve the loss of the old you and to prayerfully consider how much of her still lies dormant inside, waiting for just the right time to re-engage and renew. I imagine you miss adult conversations and engaging your brain in something other than brownies and boo-boos. Don’t get me wrong; your brain is working hard! How many hours have you poured into resources for managing tantrums, croup, developmental issues, and so many of the demands and worries of toddlerhood? But it's not the same as having life-giving conversations with other adults about things other than the cares and concerns of motherhood. That day will come. Even now, though, prayerfully consider how you might cultivate meaningful adult interactions in your day. Maybe find another mom of littles with whom you could build a relationship. Work to get your kiddos on the same schedule, let them play and nap together, and then use those times to connect over the Word of God, to pray for each other, to hold each other accountable, to dream about the future, or to take a class.
Living in the Moment
Maybe you’re like me in those early years. You’re just trying to survive. And because of that, you’ve forgotten to live—really live and thrive in this season. When our survival instincts kick in, we can often fall into a pattern of only doing what needs to be done, while forgetting that the toddler years are some of the most formative for brain development and exploration.
Most early education experts say that 90% of a child’s brain development happens before they are five years old.[2] These years are crucial for exploration and the development of a child’s sense of well-being. In fact, exploration through caring relationships in the home and community provides toddlers with a sense of belonging and safety and learning.
I wish I had taken better advantage of the joys that these little years bring. I wish I had allowed my toddlers to play in the mud more, to splash in the water fountain longer, and to find more random treasures like roly-poly bugs and bottle caps. I wish I had allowed them to climb more jungle gyms and myself to be blessed by their natural, God-given curiosity. Maybe if my heart and eyes were more open, I would have better appreciated the beauty of God’s creation through the eyes of my toddlers, and maybe his fresh stores of mercies would have become sweeter to me in the process.
Our children are only toddlers for a very short season. Embrace these years as your own season of exploration and joy. The Lord has shown me that not only does a survival instinct affect the development of our children (because it fails to provide plenty of opportunities for experiential play and engagement with God’s world), but it also deprives me. I miss out on engaging with the Lord through the beauty of his creation. If I had taken more opportunities to see God at work in dandelions and mudpies and bee stings, maybe I would have also seen him at work in the mundane and major seasons of my life—in the details of financial struggles, illness, stress, and the like.
Learning to Thrive
Don’t get me wrong. While I recognize now the missed opportunities of those years—and while the days were indeed long and hard, and I could provide you with a list of things I’d wish for if I could do it all over again (like taking more people up on offers to babysit and to give me a few hours or days to myself)—I wouldn’t trade motherhood for anything. The Lord has grown my dependence on him, taught me patience, and given me so many opportunities to show the fruit of the Spirit to my children and others as I attempted to not only survive but to thrive during those years.
The Lord wants you to thrive too. He has given you all that you need for life and godliness in the world and in your parenting. The grace of God that has appeared to us through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, is even now training us to renounce ungodly attitudes and actions toward our children and to live a self-controlled, upright, and godly life before him and our children as we await Christ’s return.[3]
We know how difficult it is for our littles to practice self-control, don’t we? And we know how difficult it is for us too, so seeing their sinful hearts on display should spur us on to practice self-control, along with all the other fruits of the Spirit as well. As our children see us living this kind of life, albeit imperfectly, we have such a wonderful opportunity to point our kiddos to the One who enables us—and them—to live in ways that please the Lord. The days are indeed long and the years are short, but eternity is forever. Keep your eyes on eternity as you parent your littles, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of the glory and grace of Christ at work in you and your children.
Much love and blessings,
Ma Kristie
Capturing the Moment:
Below are a few prompts from the author for activities that might be especially meaningful in this season or memories that she appreciates now, looking back. We hope these serve as a helpful springboard as you prayerfully consider how to “number your days” (Ps. 90:12) and make the most of the moments God gives:
Memories in the Mud.
After a particularly rainy day, during “peak mud,” take a few plastic spoons, cups, and containers outside and enjoy playing in the mud with your littles. Bonus if it’s a warm day and they can explore with both feet and hands! Take a jug of water and plenty of towels for cleanup afterwards.
Highs and Lows.
Practice “highlights and lowlights” with your toddler to debrief the day. Ask if they can think of a “highlight”—something fun, exciting, or happy that day—and a “lowlight”—something that made them unhappy, sad, or scared. This is a great way to help little ones begin learning emotional processing and regulation.
A Joyful Noise.
As you explore and engage your toddler in the world around them, teach them scriptural truths about the Lord and his creation and set them to song or dance or hand motions. Portions of Genesis 1, Psalm 19:1, or Psalm 113:3 are excellent ones to start with.
Rest and Refreshment.
Take a nap. Daily. Or, if you have trouble falling asleep during the day, find other creative ways to rest and play versus constantly continuing to go, go, go.
[1] Psalm 121:4
[2] https://www.naeyc.org/resources/pubs/yc/may2017/caring-relationships-heart-early-brain-development
[3] Titus 2:11-13
