A Matter of Priorities: Valuing People Over Projects

On a scorching hot day in 1999, I was busy terrorizing my neighborhood in my brand-new Barbie Jeep. Our front lawn transformed into a racetrack of my own making as pink plastic wheels left matted grass and tire tracks in their wake—a stark contrast to the meticulously manicured lawns of our neighbors. This was long before eco-yards; it was all sprinklers, all the time. So, the state of our yard after my one-woman Indy-500 was an eyesore to all and especially concerning to my papa, a self-proclaimed lawn enthusiast. In offering suggestions for how to keep me and my lawn-ruining Jeep off the grass, Papa received a lesson from my dad that has stuck with me through the years. It continues to ring even more true after having children of my own: "Well Dad, I'm raising kids, not lawns." 

This story highlights a struggle I find very common in mothering—where to put my priorities. I'm not raising lawns, but sometimes I think I might be raising clean dishes or scrubbed toilets. Instead of remembering why I care about maintaining my home, I find myself emphasizing the maintenance itself over the people my work was intended to serve. 

Wisdom Versus Folly

Proverbs 14:1 says, "The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down." Can't you just picture a woman covered in concrete and dust clawing at the walls of her freshly built home? How heartbreaking. Yet, when we don’t keep first things first, all the work we do can also end up in shambles.

If we are willing to sin against the people we've set out to love because they ruin the work we've done for them—fresh sheets, clean car seats, prepared meals, wiped buns—then we are women of folly tearing down our own homes. Wisdom builds a house brick-by-brick with hard work and love, displayed in tender care for the image-bearers inside our four walls. Folly responds in anger to those same people and values the task or timetable above all. 

So what do we do when we can't seem to get our priorities straight? We turn to Christ. He is the ultimate example of a wise man who builds his home. He perfectly displayed caring more about people than projects—living in light of eternity.

Jesus’s Priorities

I think of John 4 where Jesus engages the Samaritan woman at the well. He asks for a drink and instead of taking the water and getting back to the "more important things," he engages this woman and speaks to her heart. I'd like to think I'd stop to engage her as well. Yet, in my own daily sphere of ministry, how many times have I responded in anger because my precious children interrupt what I have deemed to be a more important task?

Or consider Jesus's response to Martha in Luke 10. Martha was frantically carrying on with the things of the home while her sister Mary sat at Jesus's feet. I identify so much with Martha. Yes, Jesus was there, but there were things to get done! Meals to make! People to serve! Jesus doesn’t minimize the necessity of some of those tasks, but in that moment, he commends Mary for choosing “what is better” (Luke 10:42, NIV).

How often do we neglect the “better” because of other lesser things filling our plates? I do the laundry so my children have fresh clothes to wear, but then I won't stop folding to meet them where they're desperately asking for my attention. I cook a nutritious meal to feed their bodies, but I’m angry when they ruin their new shirt while eating. 

Jesus, on the other hand, prioritized relationships and pursued the ultimate good of the people in front of him. He did not merely serve them just to serve; he served them as a way of engaging their hearts. He exemplifies what it looks like to do things that should be done while also keeping the things that God has deemed best at the forefront. By his example and through his Spirit, we too can build our homes in wisdom. We too can see needs from the lens of Scripture rather than the lens of our to-do lists. 

Eternal Perspective

If we desire to raise our children (over our lawn, home, car, career, etc.), to build our houses in wisdom, and to live like Christ, then our perspectives must be eternal. We store up treasures in heaven by obeying God and stewarding hearts that will last forever rather than exerting most of our time, attention, and energy to material goods that will soon pass away.[1] In our eternal home, our priorities will always be right. So, we can have hope even as our homes today are not perfect havens of rest and peace because we know that perfect rest and peace are coming. 

It’s important to note that valuing the people over the project does not mean that we sit idly by when our kids need correction or that we cater to their every whim. My dad shared a valuable lesson in allowing me to drive over the lawn that day, but he also taught me many lessons about maintaining personal property and caring for the things God has entrusted to me and to others. That too is parenting with eternity in view—faithfully tending the projects God gives us even while prioritizing the people that will outlast them. 

God does call us to work.[2] But if our mindsets remain fixed on eternity, that work can propel us forward in building our home, not tearing it down. We, like Mary, can choose the better portion—even when the physical needs in front of us abound. We can be controlled and compelled by the Spirit, not our to-do lists. We can deeply engage with those around us, especially our families. And we can confidently say, We're raising children, not lawns.

[1] Matthew 6:19-21

[2] Proverbs 13:4; Galatians 6:4-5; Ephesians 4:28; Colossians 3:23; 2 Thessalonians 3:10