Absorbing the Word When Your Mind Is Full
The sound of wooden blocks being dumped from their bin. The creak of the cushions as a toddler bounced on the couch. The off-key notes as another child banged on a toy piano. These were my daily soundtrack for years, typically beginning early in the morning. I had three under three, and day after day, I found myself overwhelmed and overstimulated, wishing for naptime and desperately waiting for my husband to get home and offer me a reprieve. I was physically tired, yes, but even more than that, my mind and soul felt exhausted. I knew I needed the refreshment of time in God’s Word, but with littles constantly around me, I didn’t feel capable of absorbing a single word.
Weakened by Lies
In the not-so-distant past, I prided myself on my sharp memory. Now, my mind seemed as thick as fog. Saturated with feeding schedules, nap times, playdates, and doctor visits, I didn’t think I had the bandwidth to take in anything more. Even if I tried to have my “quiet time”—complete with studying and memorizing chunks of Scripture like I used to—the incessant noise and constant demands of toddlers seemed to render my efforts null and void. I subconsciously downplayed the Spirit’s ability to give me strength and endurance through even the smallest acts of obedience.
If I’m honest, there were many days when the story ended there, with me tired and despairing, overstimulated and ready to throw in the towel (the laundry was overflowing anyway!). Like the Israelites, I questioned whether the daily manna that God offered was truly enough to survive on.[1] Instead of receiving his provision, I continued to run on empty. Instead of finding fresh ways to commune with God and internalize his Word, I burnt myself out attempting to replicate my pre-motherhood routines. I believed the lie that little deposits weren’t enough—that the only profitable spiritual disciplines were the ones that took more time and covered more ground. So instead of nourishing me, the manna of God’s present grace went untouched.
Encouraged and Renewed
Encouragement from a mom at church provided the first step of encouragement and renewed perspective. She reminded me that the original hearers of Scripture were just that—hearers. They sat (or stood) and listened to God’s words given through his prophets. Through this repetitive means, God’s people internalized the message. Perhaps, she offered, instead of presuming that the only way I could meditate on the Word was if I had a dedicated devotional time, I could take a page from saints of old and turn on my audio Bible. I could go about my day, serving my family, running errands, and making meals while meditating on Scripture.
Grateful for her advice, I turned to this option often but still ran into the roadblock of retaining what I was listening to. I wanted to call God’s Word to mind, but nothing seemed to stick. I considered Moses’s words to parents in Deuteronomy 6:8-9: “You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” These verses provided a clear solution to my challenge of limited margin and mental retention. I could make God’s Word ever present before me. I could set myself up in such a way that no matter where I cast my gaze, his words were before my eyes—no memory necessary.
Always Before Me
I started out trying to make the verses look pretty, finding Pinterest-worthy printables that ended up functioning more as décor than as a reference point for reflection. As it turned out, the Bible passages that I meditated on the most and that really lingered in my mind and heart were the ones hastily scribbled on a piece of construction paper as my kids did crafts at the table or written out on sticky notes for me to read over as I washed my dishes. Eventually, I had verses plastered all over my house.
Because I was in a season more conducive to practical application than deep study, I kept the verses “simple” and matched them to locations where I felt the most need. When I wanted to cringe at my postpartum body, Psalm 139:14 and 1 Peter 3:3 posted on the mirror reminded me where my identity and true beauty lay. When the list of anxieties and bills and to-dos flowed through my mind faster than water from a faucet, Matthew 6:25-34 taped to the bathroom wall helped me call to mind the Lord’s provision and whom I should seek. When sleep evaded me, and I lay awake in bed battling anxiety and fear of the future, seeing Psalm 4:8 and Isaiah 26:3 on my nightstand comforted me with God’s perfect peace and sovereign control. When I begrudgingly washed another sink full of dishes or was tempted to rage-clean so guests didn’t think we lived in complete squalor, Colossians 3:23-24 and 1 Corinthians 10:31 admonished me to do all my work to the glory of God, not the praise of men. All of these and more became visible applications of the sign on my hand, the frontlets between my eyes, and the doorposts of my house that I’d read in Deuteronomy 6. After some time, the passages took root in my heart and long-term memory. My mental load and responsibilities didn’t change, but God kept his word to bring to my mind the things that he was teaching me.[2]
As moms, we need God’s Word before us to the same degree that we are faced with weariness, overwhelm, confusion, and fear in our mothering—and isn’t that pretty much all the time? Though the limited mental bandwidth of the little years can make the season feel like a spiritual desert, each place in our home where we see God’s Word posted can become a spiritual oasis. By listening to God’s Word and putting it before our eyes in the places where we do our everyday living, we can be conformed to the image of Christ and gain the hope we need to persevere in the good work of mothering that he has called us to do.
[1] Exodus 16
[2] John 14:26
