From High Chair to Wheelchair: Motherhood for the Long Haul

Hurry, hurry, hurry. Don’t be late. I raced from babysitting to caregiving—from a houseful of toddler grandchildren to the assisted living building. I then forced my pace slower to transition my 85-year-old mom from wheelchair to seat belt. Upon opening the hatch to tote her walker to another doctor’s appointment, my vehicle’s contents were revealing. The dichotomies of car seat and walker, toy basket and medicine bag, took me aback. 

Simultaneously tending to accelerating and decelerating lives in our family tree was a bone-wearying yet perspective-enhancing experience. My mom’s passed-on faith positioned me as both beneficiary and benefactor. I was reminded that if we desire to bear fruit and mom well for the long haul, in every season, we need to:   

Recognize Both Blessings and Challenges  

“What I wouldn’t give to go back to the twos.” A church friend agonized over struggles with college-aged kids. In his despair, he ironically longed for days of old that no parent ever thought they’d yearn for. Comparatively, he recalled lesser issues with “two” than “twenty-two”—a reminder that each season carries unique challenges and blessings. 

Homebound days with toddler tantrums and nap-resisters demand steel-like grit. Agonizing friendship struggles can accompany the elementary years. Junior high/high school (need we say more?) and college years often require navigating anxiety-inducing situations. Even grandparenting presents challenges as childcare demands are reintroduced and sometimes compounded by multiple households. 

But, when we step outside our four walls and consider the blessings of today that will all-too-soon diminish, our contentment as moms can grow. To keep ourselves from wishing this season away, we can ask, “What are the unique benefits of this stage?” And even in the challenges, we can pray for the wisdom and endurance to persevere, while cultivating gratitude in the Lord at the same time.

Stay Mom-Awake 

Throughout Scripture, we’re exhorted to both “Sabbath” and “to wake up from sleep” (Exodus 20:8-11; Romans 13:11). Season after season, moms can heed the rest that Jesus graciously offers yet remain parentally and spiritually awake.[1] In the sleep-deprived early years, staying mom-awake might feel like a given when external safety hazards abound. Yet, the relentless barrage of physical care can cause us to lose sight of what’s forming inside our child too. 

Once we’ve come up for air, it’s enticing to “go to sleep at the parenting wheel.” Although parents of elementary-aged students will attest to no lack of busyness, the middle years can be deceivingly packaged as the “let-up-on-the-gas” stage. By adopting both a fully present yet futuristic approach, we can resist the temptation to go back to sleep. Recommitting to discipleship habits, building friendships with good role-model families, volunteering alongside our kids, and attending church regularly helps establish key rhythms for both now and later. 

If we’ve maintained such intentionality, teenagers will be more likely to perceive our attentiveness as a continuation of an invested parenting style rather than newly aroused suspicion. Connection with our teens requires a relationship incrementally built on presence and awareness—both a faithfulness and a willingness to drop everything and meet the needs of the moment.

As our kids transition into adulthood, our role evolves from guardian to guide. Wakefulness helps us better perceive when to step up, step in, or step back as their needs ebb and flow. To keep ourselves out of a parental sleep, we can ask, “What am I missing and where do I have my head down?” And we can pray, “Lord, help me to ‘stay awake’ during this season. When I’m prone to check out, grant me eyes to see, ears to hear, and a heart to understand my child.”[2]

Remain and Reduce

Moms can cling to Jesus all day long—whether it’s in thirty-second prayer intervals or thirty-minute study chunks. A walk with God that’s been steadily nurtured will carry us through overwhelming seasons—when we’re stretched between teenagers at home, married children with childcare needs, and aging parents. 

A vibrant, ever-maturing faith can also help us avoid lugging full-sized baggage from decade to decade. Just as we eventually leave diapers, weekend tournaments, and dorm rooms behind, so too can we shed our sin patterns and cumulative hurts as we “remain” in Christ and seek help (John 15:4-7). Future seasons can be that much lighter for the whole family if we’re purposeful to become more like him and to reduce our junk to carry-on size.

Conversely, if unattended to, our entangling and extraneous stuff will unfortunately grow—inconspicuously but exponentially—right along with our kids. Walking closely with Jesus today takes on new urgency when we envision our current spiritual habits played out in next season’s motherhood. The continued complexities of family dynamics will require deep spiritual maturity. To “put to death what belongs to [our] earthly nature” (Colossians 3:5) and to add godly “qualities in increasing measure” (2 Peter 1:8), we must remain tethered to Jesus, starting now.[3] We can ask, “Am I making a lifelong walk with God a priority today?” Whatever the answer, let’s pray that God would help us to remain in him and seek wise counsel so that we can bear “good fruit” for generations to come (Matthew 3:10).  

From high chair to wheelchair, from baby-soft to shriveled-up skin, God has a “good purpose” for us as we receive and then pass on the faith (Philippians 2:13). He’s fully equipped us for the long haul of motherhood as we care for those who went before us and the ones who trail behind.[4]

[1] Matthew 11:28-30

[2] Matthew 13:13-17

[3] John 15:1-8

[4] 2 Peter 1:3