Wise Mothering Advice
“I would never let my child . . .”
There are so many opinions about how to raise children, starting from eating the right foods while you’re pregnant, to sleep training, to making sure to pick the best toys and books for brain development. These opinions often become even more emotionally charged when it comes to topics like schooling, dating, cell phones, and clothing choices for teens. There can be a lot of pressure to make parenting decisions just like everyone else in your immediate community.
However, each person has unique circumstances. One family may be able to afford to shop at a particular grocery store for all-organic produce, while another family may be struggling to make ends meet and not have the same options. One teen may be able to enjoy video games every now and again with little impact, while another teen might spend hours upon hours consumed with gaming. One woman may love homeschooling her children, while that might not be a viable option for another woman because of her child’s learning disabilities.
But, it can be difficult to make a different parenting choice from others who are in the same parenting stage as you. That’s why I’m always so thankful for the community of the church and the ability to reach out to families who are a stage or two ahead. As we prayerfully seek to discern what is best for our family, we can glean insights from the experiences of older families.
Seek Wisdom Wisely
When I was in my first year of teaching, my mom (who was also a teacher) gave me a wise piece of advice. She told me, “When you have questions about teaching or if something is going wrong, it will be tempting to ask the other younger teachers who may be having the same struggles so you can commiserate together. Instead of asking them for advice, find an older teacher who seems to manage her class with ease and ask her for advice. She’s doing something that makes her class run differently—most likely small but impactful routines that benefit everyone in the classroom.”
In a similar way as a parent, it’s tempting to look to others for advice who are in our exact same stage or struggling with the same parenting issue. And, there can be true benefit to being able to discuss certain topics that arise with others who have been in the same situation (particularly with mental health struggles, learning disabilities, adoption issues, and other specific types of concerns).
However, for general parenting advice, look to moms who are a stage or two ahead of you that have families who really seem to enjoy being around one another. Don’t assume that their kids were easy and never had any problems. Ask them what they did to create a warm and loving environment in their home (Here are 7 Questions to start with if you need some ideas). Seek to understand what patterns and principles formed the foundation of their home, and ask them what changes they made in their parenting along the way. You’ll glean so much from the wisdom of their healthy habits, the awareness of their mistakes, and the pivots they made along the way.
Prayerfully Petition
The church family can be such a blessing as we parent our kids. I encourage you to lean on them for support. At the same time, we need to be aware that some choices may work for certain families or individual children, but they might not be the wisest course of action for every family. That’s why it is so important that we are in the Word and praying ourselves so that we can make wise decisions for each of our particular children. Scripture instructs us, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him” (James 1:5). We have the Word as our foundation and the Spirit as our guide. God promises to lead us as we seek him in prayer.
There is no one way to parent. Be gracious with others when they make different decisions than you do. Another person’s parenting decision is not an indictment or judgment of your parenting. There are wise, biblical principles we can glean from older parents, but there’s no easy road map. The specific decisions we make keep us on our knees before the Lord asking for wisdom and guidance. Helpful advice from others works in conjunction with our time in the Word and prayer to form the foundation of our parenting. It’s like a three-legged stool—with each leg just as important to keep the stool from falling over.
This article was adapted from an excerpt from “Parenting with Hope: Raising Teens in a Secular Age” Copyright © 2024 Melissa B. Kruger. Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, Oregon 97408. www.harvesthousepublishers.com
