Let Your Heart Take Courage: Waiting on the Lord in an Adoption Process

My husband and I began an international adoption journey in the summer of 2020 and have been waiting for over three long years for a little one to join our family. But before we turned in a single sheet of paperwork—before we even got married—we knew that adoption would be how we built our family. I was born with a somewhat rare medical condition that prevents me from having children, and in many ways, I’ve been longing for motherhood since I received my diagnosis, almost fourteen years ago. 

Waiting is hard, lonely, and oftentimes, feels hidden. Others don’t often see the hot tears that stream down our cheeks, feel the gnawing unfulfilled desires in our hearts, or hear the prayers we cry out to the Lord. We don’t know what the result of our waiting will be—will we receive what we desperately long for? Or will we wait for those longings to be met on the other side of eternity?

Maybe you find yourself in the midst of childlessness—wondering if you’ll ever see two lines on a pregnancy test or if your body will ever be able to carry a child to term. Or maybe God has called you to build your family through adoption, but the path is paved with uncertainty: Who will your child be? When will he/she finally come home? What will their unique story and history be? Through so many unknowns, and a unique path to parenthood, how do we wait well?

The Posture of the Christian Life

I was attending a church in the heart of Washington D.C. when my pastor at the time told the congregation that “waiting is the posture of the Christian life.” This potent truth sunk deep into my soul, and I wrote it down in my Bible beside Psalm 27—the psalm David closes by telling us to “wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!” 

Christians have always been a waiting people. On earth, and in our motherhood, we wait for a myriad of things, both great and small. And ultimately, we are waiting for God to permanently redeem and restore all things. 

But sometimes the loneliness and longing of our waiting threatens to undo us, and we might feel as if we cannot wait one moment more. Many of the things we long for are good things—a child or a spouse, health, or healing. For me, I long to bring my son home and give him a safe, permanent, and loving home. Waiting often reveals our hearts, and we must resist the temptation to conflate the gifts of God with the character of God. That’s why I started sharing my personal experience with childlessness years ago—because I wanted others to taste and see that God is good, even in the middle of the heartache and loss. 

Waiting Reminds Us of Our Dependence

The prolonged waiting season of adoption has deepened my understanding of dependence—     both on the Lord and on community. In our adoption process, there’s plenty of activity—a home study, endless paperwork, and preparing our home and hearts to welcome a child from a difficult place. But no amount of work can speed up the process. We are placing our trust in government officials in India but ultimately trusting that our good and sovereign God is holding all things together. 

The Christian walk was never meant to be lived alone. They say it takes a village to raise a child, but for adoptive families, it often takes a village to bring them home too. We can’t do the adoption process alone—we don’t have all the physical, mental, or emotional resources we need. Every one of us needs brothers and sisters lifting our arms when we are weary and constantly reminding us of what is true about God’s character and what it means to belong to him.

Wait as Those with Hope

The good news for waiting moms is that we do not wait alone or as those without hope. William Carey, the first Baptist missionary of the modern era to India, has been quoted saying that our “future is as bright as the promises of God.” When weeks and months pass and we’re still waiting, we can trust that God is “always doing 10,000 things in our life, and we may be aware of three of them.”[1] God is always working in our waiting. 

While the world might offer us false promises and cheap hope, we have a truer and better promise as we wait for our children—the promise of God’s presence. In John 16, Jesus reminds his disciples to take heart because he has overcome the world. That promise changes everything. As Christians, we can stake our entire lives on the claim that Christ has overcome the world and that he promises his steadfast presence to his children. 

Prayer

Throughout the ups and downs of adoption, the book of Psalms gives us language for our lament and teaches us how to pray honestly before a God who welcomes our weaknesses.      These ancient songs “fix our vision on God’s love for us, and teach us to locate our own pain and longing in God’s eternal drama”[2]—reminding us of the character of God and foretelling      our Savior. In our moments of impatience and distress, we can cry out because the psalmists model for us what it’s like to bring all of our feelings and emotions to God:            

“Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness! You have given me relief when I was in distress. Be gracious to me and hear my prayer!” - Psalm 4:1

“Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing.” - Psalm 6:2

“Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.” - Psalm 25:16

“Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud; be gracious to me and answer me!” - Psalm 27:7

I’ve found that when I engage with God in honest prayers like these, I grow in intimacy with him. Knowing the “who” in my suffering is always more precious than knowing the “why.”

Whether you’re aching to bring a son or daughter home or waiting for something else today, may you press deeper into the character and care of our God—the One who promises never to leave or forsake his children. Because of the great goodness and kindness of the Lord to send his Son, we have reason to hope. The next time you wonder if the Lord is good, fix your eyes upon the cross and remember. Christ is present, Christ has paid the price, and Christ is kind. As we wait to hold little ones in our arms, may our lives reflect his nearness. May our lips speak of his kindness. May our hearts trust in him.

[1] John Piper, “God Is Always Doing 10,000 Things in Your Life,” Desiring God, January 1, 2013, https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/god-is-always-doing-10000-things-in-your-life.

[2] Tish Harrison Warren, “Prayer in the Night,” (Downers Grove, IL: IVP, 2021), 50.