No Boast but Christ: Walking through Postpartum Anxiety
Editor’s Note: The following article addresses the topic of postpartum anxiety. While we believe the gospel provides hope to women suffering from PPA (and other postpartum issues), we recognize the sensitivity and nuance required in discussing these topics. This article is not meant to replace professional medical help. We encourage anyone who is experiencing or has experienced symptoms of PPA to seek help from a counselor, medical doctor, or other skilled professionals in your local community.
I hit my biggest low when I walked into the ER with my five-day-old baby. My head throbbed from the anxious thoughts racing through me: What if he dies in his sleep? How will I go back to work? What if I get mastitis or drop my son down the stairs? How can I entertain more visitors?
“I can’t control my thoughts,” I explained to the nurse scribbling down notes. My flesh was weak and my mind was swelling. My emotions were all over the place. The harder I tried to “stop” my anxiety, the harder the tears flowed. Wasn’t motherhood supposed to be fun?
After delivering a ten-pound baby, dealing with painful second-degree tears, and surviving on sleepless nights, my strength was gone. I had nothing left to boast in and no strength to do it.
Strength in Weakness
What can we do when we’re overwhelmed by our weaknesses? We can look to Paul’s example: “‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Just like Paul turned to Christ’s power in times of weakness, so too can we. There’s something productive about feeling our own inadequacy; it points us to our strong and tender Father who offers an eternal antidote—his strength. It’s silly to boast about ourselves. If we’re going to boast, there’s something—rather Someone—far greater to boast in: “But let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the Lord” (Jeremiah 9:24).
As we depend on God in our weakness, there may be many helpful and important things to do, including seeking help from medical and/or mental health professionals. But while we prayerfully pursue healing, let's also not miss the opportunity to get to know God's comforting attributes. Are we resting in his strong character? Do we know enough about him to boast? Are we preparing our minds for present or future stressors?
Knowing God
I thought my greatest weakness in this season was postpartum anxiety (PPA). Certainly, there were physiological changes in my brain and body post-birth that impacted my ability to function in daily life. But deep in my soul, there was also a greater problem. A problem with going my own way. In this case, thinking my own way. I kept replaying worst-case scenarios in my head instead of replaying present-case realities. So, just as I needed medical help for my body’s struggles, I needed the Spirit’s help to set my mind on what was right and true.[1]
So when I got discharged from the ER, I resolved to intimately know God. While medication and other physical supports were an important part of the healing process, I also knew I needed to replace my anxious thoughts with truth. I needed to replace future fears with present and precious promises. I was weak in a myriad of ways; I knew I needed help.
I shared my struggles with another mom who walked through PPA. She encouraged me to find things to be grateful for, find truths about the Lord’s character, and find tangible ways to apply them to my life. I realized that trying to empty my mind of fears and worries wasn’t sufficient, but filling it with the truth was. I wanted to find peace in Christ’s truths instead of my circumstances. I turned to the Psalms. I started crying in bed as I read these verses:
Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.
Psalm 127:1-3
What if we, like the psalmist, replaced our anxious thoughts with Christ’s truths? What if we replaced future desires with present gratitude? What if we replaced our weakness with Christ’s strength?
When I wanted to “eat the bread of anxious toil,” the Lord gently reminded me he was in control. He was watching over me and my baby; I could put aside obsessively checking the baby monitor. I could swallow my pride and let family members take the night watch so I could get more sleep. I could trust God with the future and enjoy my maternity leave, instead of worrying about the early morning commute.
Come to Him
That cold, late-night December ER visit wasn’t fun. But it taught me that I couldn’t boast in my strength. I’m grateful for the medicine my ER doctor prescribed, but I’m especially grateful for my Great Physician’s supernatural strength and peace that never needs a refill.
My anxiety and tears haven’t vanished, but I can’t wait until the day there will be no more crying or pain.[2] Jesus may not completely remove my anxious thoughts in the here and now, but he’ll strengthen me to face them, one day at a time.
“Jesus said if I am weak
I should come to him
No one else can be my strength
I should come to him
For the Lord is good and faithful
He will keep us day and night
We can always run to Jesus
Jesus, strong and kind.”[3]
[1] Philippians 4:8
[2] Revelation 21:4
[3] CityAlight, “Jesus, Strong and Kind.” 2019.
