Only One: Hope for Single Moms and Those Who Love Them
Editor’s Note: This article describes one woman’s journey through divorce and single parenting, but we know that individual situations vary and may warrant additional help. For further support, please reach out to a counselor, pastor, or other professional, and check out our Suffering & Loss Resources page.
Tears burned my eyes. I was angry and desperately sad. How does a father abandon his family? It feels like the very worst of crimes. My mind raced as jumbled prayers spilled from my mouth. “Lord, will my daughters survive this breaking of our home? How will they come to understand that you are so very different? Can they separate in their hearts a father who leaves and a Father who stays?”
I was suddenly a mother of abandoned children. Grief filled my heart over the depth of their loss. Even more troubling was the reality of what was left behind—me. A mom who was afraid, deeply wounded, and feeling horribly inadequate for the road ahead.
Unbeknownst to my family and friends, I lay in bed each night wallowing in my lack. If only they knew the truth: I could barely make it as mom. I was hanging on by a thread as I walked through grief, job hunting, supporting hurt kids, balancing finances, caring for our home, and preparing for our future. How on earth was I supposed to be dad too? It was too much to bear.
One Mom
I’ve been on this road for six years now and each new morning, my inadequacy stares me in the face. The truth is that I really don’t measure up and can’t do the work of two. I can’t be mom AND dad. I can’t do all the things, teach all the things, and hold all the things together. The pressure on single moms to do it all is overwhelming. But it’s also impossible. A single mom is one person. Only one.
I am not enough for my kids. But in time, I’ve learned this is actually a very good thing.
My lack has led us down a path toward a great treasure. As we approach God with empty hands, he overflows with more than we could ever need. “Indeed, we have all received grace upon grace from his fullness” (John 1:16). He has been and will be enough.
When the solid ground crumbled beneath our feet, God stepped in and created a new home. As the ashes settled, he set to work. He planted our feet on the firm foundation of his character as revealed through his names. He surrounded us with the supporting walls of his body, the church. And above us, he built a covering of hope—sweet, enduring, eternal hope.
One God
Psalm 9:10 says, “Those who know your name trust in you.” It is the woman who knows the names and the very nature of God who learns to trust in him. As we experience God in all his facets and fullness, our trust in his care grows. As we recognize and admit our inadequacy, we meet our God who is Enough. 2 Peter 1:3 says, “His divine power has given us everything required for life and godliness through the knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.” So as we come to know God more, a foundation of trust develops beneath our feet. The ground becomes steady as we rest in the nature of our steady God.
We have a God who is unchanging.[1] He does not shift like shadows.[2] He keeps every promise.[3] He does not forsake his children.[4] He is perfect in faithfulness and perfect in love.[5] And so we rest ourselves on our great I AM.[6] We carry our lack to him and meet his nature which is so very different from our own.[7]
When our paycheck doesn’t stretch, we come to know God as Feeder of birds.[8]
When sorrows and grief overwhelm, we come to know him as God of all comfort.[9]
When we feel like we aren't going to make it—like everything is going to fall apart—we come to know him as the One who holds all things together.[10]
We can now stand on the firm foundation of his unchanging nature, “without wavering, for he who promised is faithful” (Hebrews 10:23, emphasis mine).
One Church
As my feet found solid footing on the character of God in the wake of abandonment, he set to work building walls of safety and provision through his body. Our church encircled us, wrapping the very arms of Jesus around our family. They fed us, paid electric bills, provided childcare, built furniture, mowed grass, prayed, and wept with us. As each brother and sister in Christ stepped in close, they became the walls around us. They protected us and provided respite from the storm. We leaned heavily upon them in days of weakness and fear. We were hemmed in and held up by the reassuring arms of the body of Christ. They rewrote our definition of faithfulness. As the church loved, served, and welcomed us, we found a fortress of support. Our walls were no longer in ruins.
This work took time and effort on both sides. I had to lay down my pride and ask for help. I learned that my church could not know my needs unless I voiced them. On their end, they chose to step out and serve my family. Our church leaders asked wise questions, leading to action steps and a plan for our care. Daily grace was at work and it was beautiful to watch. My church truly “share[d] with the saints in their needs” (Romans 12:13).
As members of Christ’s family, we all have a vital and beautiful role to play in the healing of broken hearts and homes. Is there a woman in our community right now who needs the safe walls of the body of Christ to come around her? Let’s consider how we can encircle her with love and care and support her practical and spiritual needs today. What a gift this can be in her rebuilding season!
And if we’re the struggling single mom today, let’s lean towards our church family—being honest with our needs and gentle with our expectations.
One Hope
Above our new “home,” God builds a covering of hope. One day, all these wrongs will be set right. So here in the storm, we can lift our eyes to Jesus, the Author of our faith[11] and our Firm Anchor.[12] This hope will not put us to shame.[13] Brighter days are coming. Hope is the banner above our heads—written in the precious blood of our Savior and staked down by the promise of a future home with him.
Dear sisters, God is restoring our home. In every way, he is restoring it—both here amongst the ashes and there in that bright eternal home to come.[14] So we can fix our hope on Jesus, the Builder and Architect.[15] He—in all his fullness—is the solid foundation beneath our feet, the supportive arms encircling us through his precious Church, and the Hope that covers and hems us in. He can rewrite these stories of emptiness and abandonment with brushstrokes of abundance and grace. Our ruins will become the fertile ground for a new home in which to dwell secure. And in our lack, God will show himself to be the only One we truly need—now and forevermore.
[1] Malachi 3:6; Hebrews 13:8
[2] James 1:17
[3] Numbers 23:19
[4] Psalm 94:14; Matthew 28:20; 1 Samuel 12:22
[5] Exodus 34:6-7; Deuteronomy 7:9; Psalm 36:5; Lamentations 3:22-23; 1 John 3:1
[6] Exodus 3:13-14; John 8:58; Revelation 1:8
[7] 1 Samuel 2:2
[8] Luke 12:22-34
[9] 2 Corinthians 1
[10] Colossians 1:17
[11]Hebrews 12:2
[12] Hebrews 6:17-20
[13] Romans 5:5
[14] Revelation 20-21
[15] Hebrews 11:10
