Parenting without Panic

As a mom living right outside of Boston, parenting today feels hard—different from even twenty years ago. I’ve had my ten-year-old express the loneliness of being the only person in her grade who identifies as a Christian. I’ve struggled to navigate a warm, loving community that also holds out as good and beautiful many things God’s Word rejects. I’ve chafed under the suspicion from neighbors that Christianity is bigoted, narrow, and harmful—all views I held of the faith too before I started following Christ at eighteen. 

But in the midst of these challenges, I’ve also seen and tasted beautiful opportunities. In fact, I think today is actually a great time to be a Christian parent, for three reasons: First, there is gospel clarity for parents; second, there is gospel clarity for kids; and third, there is gospel clarity for neighbors.

Gospel Clarity for Parents

When society is less hospitable to Christian belief and ethics, we gain renewed urgency for teaching our children what God has declared in and through Jesus Christ. This urgency comes from the fact that our kids are likely to hear contradictory messages, sometimes at a very early age. Urgency can, of course, be stressful. However, this urgency can also aid us in two ways: it can prevent us from sleepwalking through discipling our kids, and it can keep us from overly outsourcing this discipleship to others. 

The most faithful Christian parents have always known that discipleship of children is hard, prayerful work. But an environment welcoming of Christian ideas and ethics can cause parents to let up a little in that hard work; after all, we’re tired from all the normal duties of adult life and raising kids. 

When culture grows more antagonistic to Christianity, however, it becomes clearer that church on Sunday could never be enough. Instead, we have to be wide awake, looking for and creating opportunities to train our children in the gospel. 

And if we’re awake and looking, we’re also less likely to outsource. The urgency is just too strong to place all in the hands of others. Now, don’t get me wrong—wonderful youth groups and programming can be life-changing. But nothing matches the influence of parents and the religious instruction that happens in the daily ins and outs of family life. Parents actively discipling and churches actively discipling form a powerful team in giving our daughters and sons a chance to say “Yes” to Jesus. 

Gospel Clarity for Kids

This cultural moment also has the opportunity to bring greater gospel clarity for our kids. It is true that we may be noticing more darkness in the culture around us; it is also true that light shines brighter in greater darkness. 

When the world looks a lot like Christianity, there is much to rejoice in. However, this similarity can also be confusing. Does being a Christian actually make much difference? Maybe it’s enough just to be nice and leave people to their own devices. 

These confusions are less likely to impact our children today. In my neighborhood, it is obvious that Christians feel very differently about the unborn, about gender, about romance, and about money than our neighbors. We have conversations all the time with our daughter and other kids in our church about why these differences exist and where they come from. It’s amazing the amount of gospel opportunities that come organically when your regular life looks different from those around you. 

So, the starker contrast between society and Christianity can help make the gospel more clear to our kids. Which means it can also give them early opportunities to personally own Christian faith and experience the joys and trials of discipleship while still in the loving care of their parents. 

Pressing the social cost of following Jesus earlier into life will by no means guarantee that our kids will say “Yes” to that cost down the road. However, we have an opportunity now to show them from the New Testament that this cost is normal and to give them guidance on how to love our neighbors in the midst of difference. This is not a hindrance to faith but a help. Our God is able to strengthen and equip our children to follow him, even and especially when the way is narrow and hard. 

Gospel Clarity for Neighbors

If our children see the difference, we shouldn’t be surprised when our neighbors see the difference, too. 

Now, that fact could make us feel fear. Isn’t the difference what could cause our kids’ non-Christian friends to judge or reject them? Yes, sometimes. The more we live like Jesus, the more we should expect that we will be treated like him. 

But the difference between the church and the world doesn’t boil down to merely a difference in our use of money, sex, and time. It also means a difference in grace, love, and joy. 

A lot can be made of how our culture is turning away from Christian values, and this is true. But the loss of gospel influence isn’t just impacting views about social issues. It is also draining away from our neighbors former sources of meaning and belonging. Without the message that Jesus forgives their sin and empowers them to live lives of peace, joy, and righteousness, many of our neighbors wonder what the point of life even is. They work and achieve and find little joy. They discover they have no lasting power to stop being their own worst enemy. They experience the pain of alienation from what they were made for and from the family of the church. We are all born dead in our sin and lost. Our hearts nurture our rebellion against God . . . and also ache for him. 

The gospel is what our neighbors want and need. It is what our children want and need. When the gospel is truly seen, there are many who turn away. And yet, there are always those who see it for the treasure that it is. In this climate, Jesus can be recognized as the One who brings wholeness, life, and sanity. We should not be surprised, as we walk the path of discipleship ourselves and invite our children to walk it with us, when our neighbors see and respond as well. 

The Choice Is Ours

In a society growing hostile to Christian belief and ethics, we face a choice: fight, flight, or faithfulness. After all, this hostility can make us anxious and afraid. It would be natural to lean into culture war from a desire to protect our kids or attempt to silo ourselves off from the pollution of the world. 

But I wonder, when we look closely at Jesus and his disciples, if those are the paths commended to us. Perhaps faithfulness in Christian parenting today is about the grace-dependent work of being in the world but not of it.[1] This is not a call to abandon our children to the culture; no, we must be “wise as serpents and innocent as doves” (Matthew 10:16). But it is a call to think of our circumstances not only in terms of their challenges, but also in terms of their gospel opportunities. 

Now is a great time to be a Christian parent.

[1] John 17:14-18