Strains of the Season: Gifts
For many of us, gifts are an integral part of our Christmas celebrations. From white elephant parties at the office to the giving traditions of our own families, there are a lot of opportunities during this holiday season to give—and receive—presents.
And while we often have some control over the gifts that we give, we have much less control over the gifts that we receive. At times, this can lead to some potentially awkward interactions, but it also provides us with wonderful opportunities to help our children (and ourselves) grow in graciousness, kindness, and perspective.
When it comes down to it, all of us can learn to become gracious gift recipients because it’s built into our identity as Christians: we are those who have received the greatest gift of salvation through Christ.[1]
So, what happens when the gift we’re given isn’t the one we wanted? Or when the gift that is given to our child isn’t what we think is best? Perhaps there are too many gifts . . . or not enough? In these cases—and many others—it’s important to ground our hearts and minds in the gospel and remember these three ways of receiving:
We Receive with Love
If we spend a great deal of time planning what gifts we are giving to the people in our lives, it may be hard to imagine that others don’t spend the same kind of attention as well. That is why, when we receive gifts that we think miss the mark, our call is to respond to the givers as Christ does—with love.
The Apostle Paul’s words to the church in Corinth are a good reminder for us when we open a gift that feels completely wrong for us or our child: “Love . . . is not irritable, and does not keep a record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5). And so, if a bad gift—or one poorly given—incites anger in our hearts or makes us want to keep score against another, we can turn afresh to the gospel of Christ, asking him to fill us in that very moment with his love for the giver. For Christlike love “is not self-seeking” (1 Corinthians 13:5), and our “virtue is to overlook an offense” (Proverbs 19:11).
Relatedly, when grandparents or others give too much to our children—perhaps more than we wish they would—we can take a moment to remember that they are most likely giving from a place of deep love. Yes, certain conversations may need to be had or limits may need to be enforced. But we grow in Christlike character when we receive gifts in the moment out of love for our Lord and those he has made in his image.
We Receive with Forgiveness
If the toy that the cousin got for our son isn’t age appropriate—or isn’t something he is allowed to use or play with—we can remember that things are more easily mended than relationships. Did the cousin intentionally purchase a bad gift, or does she not know what kids that age actually play with? If our sister-in-law got us something that we’d never enjoy in a million years, is it because she doesn’t care, or is it simply because she isn’t great at gift-giving (but maybe she’s incredible at making Christmas dinner)? If we are receiving from a place of love, we can allow physical objects to have less impact on our hearts and focus instead on the people behind the gifts—who are, in their own way, trying to love us with their presents.
Still, it is important to acknowledge that sometimes, people do intentionally wound us by withholding gifts—or by choosing, like Joseph’s father, to bless some children more than others.[2] This can be hurtful and painful—and healthy boundaries may be needed in future settings. But for many of our family members and friends, their lack of attention to gift-giving isn’t meant as a personal affront. It may be a weakness of theirs or simply an oversight. If we approach gift-receiving through the lens of forgiveness, we can choose to not become angry or keep a record of wrongs.
Forgiveness is at the heart of the Christmas story—it is the reason Christ became Emmanuel. He lived and dwelt among us to ultimately pay the price for our sins on the cross, resulting in the forgiveness of sin[3] for those who confess him as Lord and believe in his resurrection![4]
Believing that gospel truth, we can extend the grace we have received to others this holiday season. The inappropriate toy our child opened can be returned, sold, or maybe just thrown away. The gift that seems useless to us could perhaps be passed on to a coworker or church member who might truly enjoy it. It is the person behind the gift that is the important thing, and he or she is the one we can treasure above the present—and forgive, when necessary.
We Receive with Gratitude
Our culture is built around advertising that constantly tells us that we need more—that what we already have isn’t good enough. This is perhaps no stronger than around Christmastime. But if we find ourselves expecting more or better gifts—or when our children want more and more and more—we have the opportunity in this season to practice gratitude for what we presently have, both materially and spiritually.
We can start by talking with our children about all that we already have, intentionally combatting the “gimmies” that the season often brings. Consider making a family gratitude list and adding to it several times a week (Food in our fridges! Friends at church! Shoes that fit!). Choose simple and practical ways to show gratitude to God for all he has given, by giving back to others or by spending time in worship and prayer.
And then, if we are given any gifts, we are called to be those who live—and receive—with gratitude. This kind of attitude takes humility and a lack of entitlement—two things that are often difficult for us around the holiday season. But with the help of the Holy Spirit, we can ask the Lord to enable us to respond to the gift-givers with genuine thankfulness for the time and money they spent to give something—anything!—to us.
For we, who deserve nothing but death, have been given the greatest gift in the life, death, and resurrection of Christ Jesus, our Emmanuel. We already have every spiritual blessing in him: “Blessed is the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavens in Christ” (Ephesians 1:3). What more could we need? God extended his greatest gift to us when we were still his enemies,[5] in the person of Christ. Everything else is an opportunity to give—and receive—the grace that we have so freely been given.
[1] Romans 6:23
[2] Genesis 37:3-4
[3] Matthew 26:27-28
[4] Romans 10:9
[5] Romans 5:10
