When Church Leaders’ Wives are Also Moms
I could hear the murmur of voices and the shuffle of feet in the living room and kitchen. Eventually, the slow muffling of noise and the scrape of chairs on the floor told me that the church members in my house were settling in to pray together. Later, laughter punctuated the distant clink of forks on plates. I sighed.
I was in my darkened bedroom, propped against pillows, nursing a baby. While my church family talked and prayed, I was trying to get my infant son to go to sleep. By the time I emerged, I knew a stack of dirty dishes in the sink would be the only evidence that my husband and I had hosted a church prayer meeting.
On that night several years ago, I felt torn between the needs of my church and the needs of my young family. Many women share this struggle. Being a mother of young children can feel overwhelming to any woman, and when you’re the wife of a pastor or church elder, the little years often seem nearly impossible. Balancing bedtimes with Bible study, cranky toddlers with congregational care, and wet diapers with worship is hard.
Thankfully, the Lord gives some principles that can help pastors’ and elders’ wives flourish in this stage of motherhood:
1. Church is vital—for moms and kids.
When attending church means wrangling kids solo in the pew while your husband leads worship, changing diapers in a back room while your husband teaches Sunday school, and doling out snacks to fussy toddlers while your husband talks with congregation members after worship, you may wonder if it’s even worthwhile to show up.
But Scripture testifies that committing to the church is vital for our souls. The church is where we hear God’s Word proclaimed in power and join our voices to the chorus of the redeemed.[1] It’s where we see the faithfulness of God on display in the lives of his saints.[2] It’s where godly men—like our own husbands—look out for the good of our souls.[3] And it’s where we experience Christ’s presence.[4] Even if we are pacing the church hallways with a crying baby, we are putting ourselves in the best possible place.[5]
Matthew’s Gospel records the story of the children whose parents brought them to Jesus so he could pray for them.[6] Probably some of them had to miss their naps and postpone their lunch. They may have been fussy and over-stimulated by the crowds. Chances are, their moms and dads didn’t hear much of Jesus’ teaching that day. But those little ones experienced something they didn’t even comprehend at the time—they were brought near to Christ.
Along with the entire congregation, pastors’ and elders’ families with young children need to pursue what Jesus called “the one thing . . . necessary” (Luke 10:42): to gather with his people at his feet and to learn from him. There’s no better place to be.
2. Caring for children is kingdom work.
In the same story from Matthew, Jesus affirms another important principle. When the disciples rebuked the people for bringing children to the Lord, Jesus intervened: “Let the little children come to me,” he said, “. . . for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 19:14).
By these words, Christ declared his intention to minister to the infants in front of him, and he dignified childcare for all who would follow him. Caring for children, according to Jesus, is neither insignificant nor inconvenient. Children are important—important enough to be welcome in his kingdom.
Caring for children often means that pastors’ and elders’ wives aren’t available to care for other congregation members. On that prayer meeting night, I wasn’t able to hear people’s stories, join my voice to their prayers, serve them a slice of cake, or give them a sympathetic hug. But it didn’t mean I wasn’t serving the church. From my place in the bedroom, I was meeting the needs of a tiny person who was just as precious to Jesus as the adults in the living room.
When our children’s spiritual and temporal needs demand our attention—and they do!—we can take time to lovingly minister to them as Christ did, remembering that caring for children is vital kingdom work.
3. We are weak, but he is strong.
As I get out of the minivan with my four kids on Sunday mornings, I feel weak. In the coming hours, I know I won’t be able to perfectly care for my kids, and I know I won’t be able to perfectly serve the people in my congregation. When my attention is on my 3-year-old, I’ll miss that woman I wanted to speak with. When it’s focused on a struggling church member, my daughter will be escaping into the church parking lot.
What’s more, my Sundays are often so filled with looking out for other people that my own soul feels stretched thin.
But, thankfully, Scripture reminds us that though we are weak, we are precious to Christ.[7] The Lord delights to put his treasure “in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us,” and admitting our weakness allows us to rest in Christ’s power (2 Cor. 4:7). The well-being of our churches and our children isn’t ultimately in our fumbling hands. These precious people don’t belong to us. They belong to Christ.
And so, trusting that he is in control, I can pause in the pew for an extra moment of reflection after the service. I can let a church member hold my screaming baby. I can leave the Sunday afternoon dishes in the sink and go for a walk instead. I can ask my husband to pray for me. I can attend to my own soul.
It may be a long time before I get to hear another sermon in its entirety or to have an uninterrupted conversation after worship. But, like Paul, I’ll boast in my weakness. Then, I’ll keep showing up, and I’ll pray for the power of Christ to show up too.[8]
[1] 1 Thessalonians 2:13; Colossians 3:16
[2] Philippians 1:3–6
[3] Hebrews 13:17
[4] Matthew 18:20
[5] Psalm 84:10
[6] Matthew 19:13–15
[7] 2 Corinthians 12:9–10
[8] 2 Corinthians 12:9
