When Our Children Suffer
My husband and I had already gone to bed. It was about 11p.m. when we heard a knock on our bedroom door. It was our twelve year-old son. As he entered our room I could see tears streaming down his face, and all I could hear him say was, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
As a mother, my mind raced with thoughts of what he would say. My husband invited him to sit on our bed and explain what he was sorry about. It turned out, our son had been involved in some things at school that he shouldn’t have. He was going to walk through some consequences that would be very difficult for him.
Years later as a parent of adult children, I’m now looking back and seeing how God worked in each of our children’s lives through various trials that began a process of conforming them into his image. But at the time of the trial, I could only see the pain, the heartache, the tears, and the emotions that came with the suffering.
I was asked recently about the hardest thing I’ve had to deal with in motherhood. As I thought about it, I’d have to say it’s been watching my children suffer. There have been many times when I’ve seen them go through very difficult trials and I’ve wanted to run in and rescue them, to take away the problems and fix the situation straight away.
Whether the suffering comes from something they’ve brought on themselves or whether they’re the victim of circumstances beyond their control, it’s hard to watch our children suffer and trust that God is doing a deep work of grace in their lives. It’s still grace, but what I would call “uncomfortable” grace.
With our son’s incident there was no easy answer. We did as much as we could with the circumstances, but we had to let him go through it. What we could do though, was walk with him, encourage him to walk in obedience to God, and pray with him and for him during this time.
As I went to my Bible for strength, God reminded me that he is also a Father, and he doesn’t always rescue his children straight away. He didn’t rescue his Son on the cross, so that he could rescue us from our sin. And he lets his children go through trials for our good and his glory. But he promises one very important thing—that he will always be with us.
Our children need rescuing from themselves (just like we do), and it’s often the hard moments that God uses to point them back to him. So as I watched my children go through various trials, I could often see spiritual fruit coming out of the experience, and that encouraged me to trust that God knew what he was doing.
But, even if we don’t see something positive straight away, we never know how God will use suffering even years later in our children’s lives. We can be encouraged that “for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Rom. 8:28).
As much as we want smooth and level paths for our children, there are going to be rough patches. And if it’s a trial for them, it will be a trial for us as moms. These trials come from a loving Father who wants the best for his children. He loves our children too much to leave them as they are.
As mothers we always have so much to do—it’s exhausting. Then throw in a difficult trial and we hardly have the emotional energy to deal with all that it brings. But these can be great opportunities to point our children to the gospel.
Our son was broken that night he entered our room, and this presented us with an opportunity to take him to a Savior who loves to receive people in their brokenness. Receiving the forgiveness of Christ gave him the courage to walk the difficult road ahead.
The great thing about the gospel is that it speaks to everyone. We all struggle with our sinful nature. Some of the best parenting moments have been when I had an opportunity to share with my children about my own sinful struggles or my inability to trust God in hard times.
Our children need to know we are real people with real struggles, and then we can continue to point them to Jesus, who is the only perfect one. I need him. My children need him. We all need him. We can run to his open arms and receive the power, the patience, and the grace that we’re going to need minute by minute as we go through trials.
Parenting is hard! But we’re not alone. Jesus died so that we could receive his help. If he did that much for us, surely he will supply all that we need for difficult moments in motherhood. As Paul said, “He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?” (Rom. 8:32).
So when our children suffer—and they will suffer, as we live in a fallen world—we can take them to the God who loves them and remind them of the incredible grace and forgiveness that he holds out to everyone who calls upon his name.
