Every Mom Matters: Our 2023 R|M Survey Results

Mar 24

If you are a church or ministry leader and interested in seeing the full survey results to help care for mothers in your community, we would love to share the detailed report with you. Click here to request!

Moms matter to us. Not only because we are moms ourselves, but because every single mom bears God’s image and matters to him—immensely. Each one has her own set of pain points, her own joys and struggles, her own special story—and we exist to help her connect that story to God’s grander story of redemption. We want every mom to know that the gospel makes a difference right here in the trenches—amidst sippy cups and soccer balls, missing socks and midnight chats, pacifiers and permission slips.

As we continue striving to know and serve moms better, we invited our community and friends of the ministry to participate in another comprehensive survey this January. It’s our third year of doing so, and each time, we’ve zeroed in on some specific aspects of motherhood to see where moms are and how we can come alongside them with gospel hope. Nearly 7,000 took the time to respond this year—we praise the Lord for this!

As we prayerfully work through the results and shape future content accordingly, we wanted to share some key takeaways with you. Whether you need to be reminded you’re not alone in your own struggles or are looking for ways to better build up the moms around you in 2023, we hope this small snapshot will be helpful.

Family Discipleship Matters

Here at R|M, we’re passionate about equipping parents to be faithful disciplers of their kids—and survey results show why it’s so important we do so.

Gospel Culture

Moms who grew up in a Christian home but did not attend church or receive gospel-centered discipleship themselves were more spiritually vulnerable, as a whole, than any other category surveyed (including those who grew up without any Christian influence at all). These moms who had been raised “Christian” in name only were:

Least likely to have older, godly women in their lives (21%, compared to <20% for all other survey respondents)
Least likely to feel their husband was leading their family according to God’s Word
Least likely to identify the gospel as the centerpiece of what it means to be a Christian (At least 6 percentage points less than all other respondents)
Most likely to attend church primarily online (8% compared to <6% for remaining respondents) or not attend at all (4% compared to <3% for all others)
Least likely to be involved in a community group (55% compared to 57%+ for all other respondents)
Least likely to choose theological alignment as their top factor when selecting a church (78% versus 80%+ for all other respondents)

While we know that our own efforts in motherhood aren’t a cause-and-effect formula securing salvation and sanctification for our kids, these results do show us how absolutely crucial our discipleship in the home truly is. What you’re doing right now, mama—reading Bible stories, praying around the table, showing up at church even when it’s hard, talking through gospel truths with your children—matters significantly and lays a foundation for future habits that deepen their walk with the Lord.

But if you’re one of the many moms in our community who wasn’t discipled in the gospel as a kid, whether your parents identified as Christian or not—there’s so much hope! We’re here to come alongside you with tips and resources to help you deepen your own theological understanding and feel confident in sharing the gospel with your own kids now. Here are a few of our favorite equipping resources:

The Dad Difference

The survey also noted the marked impact of a father’s leadership on the spiritual climate of a home. We asked, “Do you feel your husband is leading your family according to God’s Word? Moms who answered no:

Were less likely to feel like there was opportunity for respectful, open dialogue with their husbands on how to raise their families (15% said there was room for open discussion, compared to 62% who answered yes)
Felt their husbands were less present in the day-to-day rhythms of their families (only 35% said they were “very present,” compared to 78% who answered yes)
Reported higher rates of addiction tendencies in their husbands across the board than moms who answered yes—most notably with alcohol (15% vs. 3%), video games (21% vs. 7%), smartphone use (54% vs. 30%), and pornography (15% vs. 8%)
Were more likely to attend church primarily online
Were less likely to be a part of a community group
Reported higher rates of anxiety, depression, behavioral problems, irrational fears, and various disorders in their children

If you’re a mom feeling this weight today and longing for your husband to invest more spiritually, we hope you’ll find support here:

Or, if you’re reading this as a single mom (about 1% of those surveyed), we want to encourage you that The Gospel is Bigger Than Statistics. The role you play in your children’s lives is incalculably important, and, even when you may feel like you’re not enough, our God is able to equip you for the hard task of solo discipleship, serving as the faithful Father of both you and your children.

Our Struggles Matter

In last year’s survey, we were excited and grateful to see moms overwhelmingly report strong marriages, strong commitments to biblical theology, and strong spiritual habits in their daily lives. Praise God for evidence of gospel growth and transformation all around us! This year, we intentionally designed our questions to drill a bit deeper, looking at more specific pain points and struggles that we can help moms apply the gospel to. We don’t take for granted that, even in anonymous reporting like this, thousands of women opened up to vulnerably share many of their unique experiences and griefs with us:

Social Media Addiction

Overall, 39% of respondents struggled with addictive tendencies toward social media and 52% to smartphone use in general. Among moms who had never taken an intentional social media break (62% of survey respondents), the statistics dramatically increased (66% reported a social media addiction and 63% a general smartphone addiction). We know how powerfully these platforms shape our minds and hearts—and therefore, our motherhood—which is why we’ve tackled it in our Social Media podcast series and related workbook, as well as numerous articles:

You can also check out the book Social Sanity in an Insta World, with contributions from Emily, Laura, and other content creators.

Abortion

82 women (1.3% of survey respondents) reported having one or more abortions in their past. We know this is only a small sliver of the larger R|M community and Christian moms in general. If you’ve been through this personally, we want you to know we see you, we’re praying for you, and we deeply desire to care for you by continuing to point to God’s healing work. So—keep investing in this space, keep sharing your stories with us, and help us reach out to other post-abortive moms who may feel isolated and underserved.

Chronic Illness

Another 598 respondents—9.5% of those surveyed—reported battles with various chronic illnesses. However frequent or debilitating those flare-ups, we know they significantly impact motherhood in the day-to-day. We hope these words from other moms who’ve been there can strengthen you to fix your eyes on Christ amidst pain and weakness:

Postpartum Depression

A significant percentage of moms who took our survey (37% - over 2,000) have walked through postpartum depression. This, too, is a deep valley—but one not without the sufficient hope of the gospel to meet moms in their struggles:

Child Loss

It’s difficult to imagine a deeper pain as moms than the death of a child. We grieve alongside the 33% of respondents who have experienced miscarriage, as well as the 2% (representing over 120 families) who have lost a baby via stillbirth or infant loss. Still another 15 have lost children post infancy as well. We pray that the gospel continues to minister the comfort and peace that only it can.

Other Struggles

On top of these, the survey revealed countless other weights on moms’ shoulders: eating disorders (7% - 465 respondents), marital infidelity (4.2% - 266 respondents), domestic abuse (1.9% - 120 respondents), disability of a spouse or child (6% - 377 respondents), and many other deep, heavy struggles. As we think about these numbers—each representing a real mom in a real household—let’s be praying fervently for God’s provision and protection and intentionally look for ways to minister gospel hope, one to another. (We’d also encourage you to visit our Suffering and Loss page for specific resources on many of these topics and more)

Community Matters

Another important takeaway from this year’s survey was both the importance and challenge of pursuing gospel community together:

Unity in Diversity

The pressure to plant our flags in various “mom camps” remains strong, and the survey showed that certain conscience decisions—particularly schooling options for our kids—tend to bring division. Among respondents with school-aged children, 34% expressed concern in Christians sending their kids to public school, believing it is “a significant issue facing American Christianity today.” Conversely, 29% believe Christians opting to homeschool is a significant cultural issue, revealing strong convictions on both sides of the issue. We know that decisions like these are difficult and may look very different depending on your specific community and region. If you’re struggling to make decisions for your own family or embrace other friends who choose differently, check out these related resources:

An encouraging finding, though, was that mom-to-mom support increases over time. As respondents aged, they were more likely to rally around other moms making decisions differently. 28% of moms ages 18-29 reported they “very often” support other moms in parenting decisions, compared to 32% ages 30-44, 36% ages 45-54, and 46% ages 55+. As we all mature in wisdom and deference with one another—despite our differences—these resources can remind us of the beauty of gospel unity:

And if we’re looking for more support in our own motherhood, let’s be inspired to reach across generational lines and find that mom with a few more years under her belt. Watch for a special article series this summer full of mentor mom wisdom and check out these resources for help in finding someone to walk alongside in your own community:

Beyond Sunday

While many of us are finally returning to normal church rhythms post-pandemic, involvement beyond a weekly worship service continues to be a challenge for many moms. When asked about community group participation (defined as “any routine gathering outside of Sunday Service with a smaller group of believers that attend your church”) 20% of survey respondents said they don’t attend because they can’t in this season of life. And 8.8% said they would attend a community group, but their church doesn’t offer them. If you’re struggling right now to find time to invest in your nuclear family—much less your church family—we hope you’ll check out the resources below. Or if you’re not finding the opportunities to be involved that you hoped for—maybe God has a role for you in helping bring them to life in your local church!

The Gospel Matters

We’ve spilled a lot of ink in this brief summary, but we recognize it barely scratches the surface of all the stories and needs of each mom reading. Year to year, in between survey questions and checkboxes, a lot changes for every one of us. Cultural pressures shift. Incomes and expenses rise and fall. Trials hit. Joys multiply. We say hello to new family members and goodbye to others. But the one thing that never wavers? Our hope in the glorious gospel of God—who “is and who was and who is to come” (Rev. 1:8).

Wherever you are today, friend, and whatever stats here ring true to your own unique story, know that you matter. Your motherhood matters. So, hand in hand—across podcast channels and social media feeds and printed pages—we’ll continue walking alongside you, looking expectantly to that day when, together, “we will always be with the Lord” (1 Thess. 4:17)—our faith made sight forever.