Why Consistency Matters in Motherhood
Have you ever said “no” to your child’s request and then given in anyway? Maybe it was one of those crazy days where nothing goes the way it should, and you end up rushing through the grocery store to grab just one item for dinner before everyone melts down—including you. Your children know not to expect treats from the store, but as you go through the check-out lane, all of a sudden, everyone begs and pleads for a treat that just so happens to hang within arms’ reach. Before you know it, you give in. Because, well, sanity.
That’s a good reason, right?
The Troubles of Consistency
Consistency. It’s considered a hallmark of good parenting. It’s something we all strive for, yet it so often feels unattainable. We have good intentions. We set rules and limits, develop routines and schedules, and try to respond to our children in dependable, reliable ways. Then life gets busy and overwhelming. Routines are disrupted. All our plans and intentions get cast aside to simply survive the moment. We find ourselves giving in to something we wouldn’t otherwise agree to or fail to follow through on a promise or realize all too late we’ve missed a naptime.
Everyone from teachers to doctors to child development specialists reminds us how important consistency is in parenting. Children thrive best when they have structure and routines. They need to know what to expect and what is expected of them. Yet for every mom who’s made a promise and failed to keep it, who has kept the kids up past their bedtimes one too many times, who gave in to more screen time than she should, there’s another, more foundational reason why consistency matters. It reflects who God is and who we are as his children.
Consistency matters because our Father in heaven is consistent with us.
Our Consistent Father
Our Father does not change: “For I the LORD do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed” (Malachi 3:6). Consistency is inherent to God’s character. The same God who cast the stars across the solar system is the same God who opened the sea for his people to cross to the other side. The same God who promised Abraham countless descendants is the same God who chose Mary to bear his Son. And the same God who forgave David of his adultery is the same God who forgives our sins through the blood of Christ. Because our Father does not change, we know what to expect from him. His character remains the same. We know he will forever be a God who is “merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin” (Exodus 34:6-7).
Our Father also keeps his word: “Forever, O LORD, your word is firmly fixed in the heavens” (Psalm 119:89). Into all eternity, God’s word remains: “Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away” (Matthew 24:35). This means all God’s promises to us stand firm forever. Our Father will never say one thing and do another. Because he rules over all that happens, he makes certain his decrees come to pass. We can rest confident in all our Father says because he will never fail us.
Our Father values order: Not only is our God unchanging, but he is also a God of order. When he created all things, he established specific laws for creation. It’s why we know the sun will shine tomorrow morning and why summer follows spring. It’s how we know when to plant seeds for the garden and why we expect our child to roll over then crawl then walk. He also established specific laws and rules for us, including what happens when they are broken. As our Father, he doesn’t throw new rules at us out of the blue. He doesn’t change his mind on whether something is wrong or not; if he declares that something is a sin, it is always sin. He doesn’t issue one consequence and then add a harsher sentence instead. His responses toward us are not impulsive or rash. We know what our Father expects of us and what we can expect from him in return.
In all these ways and more, our Father shows us that he is unchanging and that he values consistency. And what a comfort it is when we consider all the ways our God is consistent with us! When we’re worried and afraid, we can cry out to him in prayer and know that he hears us. When we are in need, we know we can ask him to provide those needs. When we’re in a trial, we know our Father is with us and for us. When we fall into sin, we know he will forgive us because of the sacrifice of Christ on our behalf. Knowing these truths gives us hope because we know he will never change in how he relates to us. God always responds out of his steadfast faithfulness, grace, and love.
Gospel Hope for Inconsistent Parents
I don’t know about you, but as a parent, I have days where I am consistent and days when I fall flat. Some days, I keep our daily routine. I am consistent with rules and consequences. Other days, life seems like a free-for-all. Nothing happens as expected. I’m distracted and forgetful. I respond to my children with irritation or sarcasm. Interruptions take priority. As I fail to be consistent as a mom, it’s hard not to feel defeated. But my hope lies in my Father and in his consistency for me.
For those who struggle with inconsistency in parenting, we remember God’s grace for us. Our Savior is consistent for us when we are not. Our elder brother stands before the Father and intercedes on our behalf. He looks at Christ and sees his consistent life lived for us. We can come boldly before our Father and ask for his help when inconsistency rules our day. When our inconsistency is the result of sin, we can repent and seek our Father’s forgiveness. Then we can get back up and start again.
Moms, let’s think of consistent parenting, not as an impossible rule to follow, but as an opportunity to show our children who God is. Each time we are consistent, we image God to them; we show them who he is. And on those days when we are inconsistent, we have an opportunity then too—an opportunity to model for our children how to appropriate the gospel of grace to our struggles and sins.
Consistency matters because it is how God our Father responds and relates to us. May we be consistent with our children, imaging the Father to them, so that they can learn more about their unchanging, always consistent Father in heaven.
