Why Did God Give My Kids a Sick Mom?
The first time I fainted from internal bleeding, my oldest daughter was four and my youngest was three months old. It took another year of struggling with devastating fatigue for doctors to discover the tumor and six more months to get surgery. I woke each morning feeling trampled on, seeing my children through blurry eyes. The mother I wanted to be was beyond my reach, and my heart suffered along with my body.
For mothers struggling with chronic pain, fatigue, physical or mental illness, our inabilities can be soul-crushing. Forget baking, crafting, or gardening with your littles; we just want to survive the day without breaking down. We want our kids to see us smile, even though it’s hard.
This isn’t how we envisioned motherhood and it isn’t how it’s supposed to be. God created Adam and Eve with perfect, healthy bodies, but the effects of sin on them and us are not only spiritual, but physical as well. Our bodies are susceptible to sickness and pain, and seeing how those realities impact our children can cause a much deeper ache in our souls.
Whether or not you’ve struggled with significant illness, we all have seasons when we worry we don’t have enough to give to our children. And we can all be encouraged that God has good purposes for us and our children in every season.
God Made You Their Mom for His Purposes
God knew what he was doing when he placed children in your womb. David said, “In your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them” (Ps. 139:16). God gifted you children even though he knew all the days ahead of you, including the ones when you would struggle with health. God works all things for our good and our children’s good, even having a sick mom.
Maybe he wants to teach your children things they couldn’t learn through a perfectly healthy mom. My oldest daughter has a remarkably empathetic and compassionate character for a seven-year-old, which I believe is largely due to God’s work in her heart during my illness and chronic pain. Even as a toddler, she learned to recognize a need and meet it.
God can also use you to model perseverance in suffering for your children. This doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. My kids have seen me break down more than any children should. They’ve seen me struggle. But through the tears and the pain, I’ve said, “But I still trust God. He’s in control. He is good.” And now sometimes my daughter reminds me of God’s truth when I struggle to remember.
God May Bless Your Children Through Others
That statement might sting at first. One of the hardest things for me was handing my children over to grandparents far more than I would have liked. I hated watching them leave and knowing their fun memories were being made without me. Grandparents did things differently than I would and fed them more french-fries and ice cream than I would. Sometimes it was agonizing.
In those times I had a choice. I could be bitter about what my illness was taking away from me, or I could be thankful for the care others were providing for my children and me. I chose to be thankful for the special relationships my kids have with their grandparents. It didn’t stop being painful when my children were away, but I took comfort in my heavenly Father who is always with me. He doesn’t promise to take away all of our pain and struggle in this life, but he promises to be near to the brokenhearted and save the crushed in spirit.[1]
God Knows the Weight of Your Sacrifices
If you struggle with health issues you simply can’t compare yourself with healthy moms. You will likely have more messes, less fresh baked goods, more time at home, and less exciting outings. Small things, like doing a craft or singing songs are a big sacrifice. But guess what? Jesus knows the weight of your sacrifices. He doesn’t measure offerings the way people do.
Remember the poor widow who gave what appeared to be the smallest gift in the offering box? Jesus said she had given more than the rich, because she gave out of her poverty.[2] In the same way, Jesus sees your heart and the cost of your efforts to love and provide for your children despite struggles and weakness. He isn’t comparing your day to another mom’s day—and neither should you. If simply dressing your children and making toast cost you what little strength you have to offer, then God knows and counts your offering as precious.
God isn’t asking you to be busy or better, he’s asking you to be faithful to the extent you’re able.[3] Which sometimes, might involve staying in bed and treating caregivers with kindness. Or putting an arm around your child while they watch a movie. Or opening the granola bar wrapper with patience when they’re hungry.
God Offers Hope for Today and for Tomorrow
Right now, you might feel like it will never get better, but remember that God can do all things. Psalm 27:13 says, “I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”
But not all of us will be physically healed in this life. God’s word says, “while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened,” but we have hope “that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life” (2 Cor. 5:4).
One day we will see Jesus, and all this groaning will come to an end. Death itself, along with sin, sorrow, pain, and sickness will be swallowed up by life. On that day, every wrong will be made right, every sickness will be healed, every tear will be wiped away, and we will see with new eyes how God used our suffering for his good purposes, even in our children’s lives.
[1] Psalm 34:18
[2] Luke 21:3-4
[3] 1 Corinthians 4:2
