3 Truths to Remember When Your Kids Embarrass You
For every mom, there comes a moment where your child embarrasses you. Big or small, in public or in the company of close friends, in an epic fall-out or in a private “we need to talk about your child” meeting—it’s bound to happen. Your cheeks flush, beads of sweat drip down your back, your throat clenches. Perhaps you laugh when you should be serious or you’re stern while everyone else laughs. Whatever your reaction, the pit-in-your-stomach screams that people are watching, judging you and your child—finding you lacking.
Whether it was the times I lugged a screaming child to the car from the park, pool, or store, the outbursts of potty-talk or rambunctious climbing in semi-formal environments, or just the run-of-the mill “I can’t believe my kids are acting this way” events—I’ve had years of experience with this.
In my better moments, I debrief with my husband and kids, and most importantly, with the Lord. I pray and rehearse the narrative of the gospel and think on specific Scriptures to process the situation. While there are numerous truths we might want or need to recall after moments of embarrassment in motherhood, here are three Bible truths to keep in mind.
Give Thanks
“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18
Even though we don’t feel very thankful when little Johnny asks Aunt Marge why her tummy is so big and squishy, God’s Word says there is always a reason to give thanks. Gratitude doesn’t only flow from good feelings but from a heart that believes God orchestrates, ordains, and provides challenging situations for our good. Sometimes we simply thank the Lord that we have children—even when caring for them means public tantrums and awkward interactions. Other times, we express gratitude for our salvation and identity in Christ which defines us at all times, even when others don’t approve of us or our children. And painfully, sometimes we give thanks for opportunities to see our children’s foolishness, pride, or sin. While this doesn’t seem like a gift, embarrassing moments can warn and remind us that we have a responsibility to train and discipline our children.[1] The outburst of bad manners could mean that they need a nap (normal and understandable), or it could mean that we need to train them to love others and increase our discipleship in a specific area. No matter the cause of the embarrassment, it’s always God’s will for Christians to give him thanks.
Move Forward
“Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13–14
When we’re still cringing from “the talk” a neighborhood parent had with us about our child, most of us are ready to make a big ordeal of it or pretend it never happened. Neither of these responses are what Paul alludes to in his letter to the Philippians when he speaks about dealing with past sins and missteps as a believer. We seek to apologize, repent, and take responsibility when we’ve done something wrong, and we teach our children to do the same. Sometimes an embarrassing moment leads to an apology note or the loss of a privilege. But this verse particularly reminds our weary hearts that when we’ve been made right with God and we seek to live at peace with others to the best of our ability, there comes a time when we press on. We stop looking back again and again and again (replaying the situation or mulling it over) and instead, we look to Christ. We rehearse and remember our purpose and goal in motherhood instead of our embarrassing moment and point our kids to their Lord—the one who took all of their sin and shame on the cross. Because of our faith in Christ, there is always hope beyond embarrassing moments. Moms can move forward!
Don’t Fear
“The LORD is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?” Psalm 118:6
This truth is so important, God repeated it throughout the Bible. It’s one that we need in many situations, but is helpful to remember when an embarrassing moment leaves us feeling fearful of others’ opinions. Perhaps it’s when a child with special needs makes socially abnormal noises and gestures in a quiet environment or when you hear from a teacher that your child struggles to read aloud (when his or her peers are right on track). Even though no one sinned, you still feel like you should have done better for your child or you grieve the challenges they face and the way it impacts relationships. In this, we can take heart because the Lord is tender with those who are weak and brokenhearted. For those who are his in Christ, he is on our side. He is for us now and in eternity. Nothing can separate us from his love—not even an embarrassing parenting moment.[2] We might have socially-outcast moments in motherhood, but in Christ, God will never cast us out. While our son or daughter might not get an invitation to the party or be included in the special club, we can be confident that this doesn’t have to determine the course of eternity. People have the ability to leave each other out of groups, but they don't have the ability to leave us out of heaven.
If you’re sweating an embarrassing moment in motherhood, it’s good to debrief. Think through what happened—maybe next time, you’ll pack an extra snack or special pack of stickers in your purse. Lesson learned! Perhaps there is something deeper at play and you need to have a conversation about kind words and respectful behavior in different settings. Maybe everything was totally out of your control and you’re further reminded that your children belong to the Lord—you can do your best to mother them in his ways but you can’t help the decisions they make! Regardless of the details, these truths can hopefully be an encouragement to you. Find a reason to thank the Lord, keep pressing on in your walk with him, and fear him first.
[1] Proverbs 29:15; Ephesians 6:4
[2] Romans 8:38–39
