How Do I Talk to My Kids about Screen Time?
Most conversations with our kids about screen time consist of one word: either “Yes” or “No.” Because children aren’t equipped to set their own healthy boundaries yet, parents need to. But beyond those one-word conversations, from time to time we need to have longer discussions to help our children understand why we are setting limits on something as appealing as screen time.
Help them understand that good things can be used wrongly.
When God created the heavens and the earth, he called his creation good.[1] When sin entered the world, the goodness didn’t disappear entirely, but it became entangled with lots of evil and harm. Some of the good things God created can now have really bad effects on people. Bees pollinate flowers, but they also sting people. Blueberries taste great and are good for you—unless you eat too many of them and they upset your tummy.
To begin to understand moderation, we can help kids see that a good thing can be enjoyed wrongly or in excess. Talk with your kids about some of the best things that come from screens, such as Facetimes with Grandma and snuggling together for family movie night. But explain to them that too much screen time isn’t good for them and will make them less happy in the long run. As kids get older, you’ll also want to talk more about what content they access; they need to learn that some programming is harmful and shouldn’t even be consumed in moderation.
Use yourself as an example.
Most of us probably wouldn’t set ourselves up as a paragon of moderation when it comes to technology. But you don’t have to be a perfect role model to lead by example. If you’re honest about your own struggles with screen time, it will help your kids process their experience. Here are a few examples of what that might look like:
“You know, sometimes it feels good to watch episode after episode of my favorite show back-to-back. But afterward, I’ve noticed I don’t feel like doing anything else, even things I normally enjoy. I don’t want to cook dinner or read a book. Have you ever felt like that after watching videos?”
“Do you remember this afternoon when I kept looking at my phone and ignoring you? I’m sorry I was paying more attention to a screen than to you. That was wrong. I need to stop letting my phone distract me from the things that are most important to me. Will you forgive me?”
“Tomorrow when we go for our hike, I’m going to leave my phone in my backpack. I’d rather enjoy looking at the beauty than thinking about how to get the perfect picture to show my friends. Will you help me remember not to get it out unless we have an emergency?”
Ask your children to help you brainstorm alternatives to screen time.
We’re often most tempted to let our kids indulge in a screen overload when things get hectic. In those moments, it can be hard to come up with alternatives. If your kids are old enough, consider taking time together, when you’re not already in a pinch, to brainstorm a list of things they love to do—quiet activities, outdoor activities, and ways to get their energy out indoors on a rainy day. When you feel yourself about to succumb to pleas for one more show, tell the kids to get out the list and choose an activity instead.
When we are in the grip of the screen’s siren song, nothing else seems as appealing, and the same is true for our kids. But a menu of alternatives can remind us of all the other things God has given us to enjoy.
Start the conversation early—and keep it going.
Do I have to eat all my peas?
Can I have three Oreos?
Why did he get more chocolate chips in his pancake than I did?
We talk to our kids about food every day. Because they aren’t equipped to manage their own diet, we make decisions for them. As they get older, we talk more and more about why we make the decisions we do. Before long, they will be choosing what they eat, and we hope they won’t subsist on marshmallow sandwiches.
When you teach your children how to nourish their bodies with food, you aren’t teaching them right from wrong; you’re teaching them discernment and moderation. The same is true with talking about technology. Discernment isn’t a switch that gets flipped; it’s a trait that gets developed over a lifetime.
Give them the good news.
When I was a child, I thought the chief advantage to being a grownup would be that I could eat whatever I wanted. Now that I’m an adult, I’ve learned the hard truth that I still can’t eat whatever I want.
Jesus lived as a man and had to exercise moderation. Hebrews 4:15 says, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.” Jesus knew how to avoid too much of a good thing, and he knew how to resist the temptation to use God’s good gifts wrongly. And because he died and rose again, he made a way for all of us to live with him eternally.
That means that one day we won’t have to exercise moderation. Revelation 21 paints a picture of our future life in the New Jerusalem where there won’t be tears, death, mourning, or pain. The “former things” will pass away, and God’s creation will once again be wholly good.
I don’t know about you, but I look forward to the day when my phone isn’t always sucking me in and pulling me away from things that are more important. In God’s new creation, we will be able to enjoy his good gifts freely without having to worry about having too much of a good thing!
[1] Genesis 1:31
