Imagination is for Moms Too
When our children complain that all of their options for play are boring, we often encourage them to use their imagination. We see them surrounded by blocks waiting to be built into a custom creation, dolls and clothes waiting to be prepared for a fairytale of their own making. We see the potential for something new, they see the same old toys they played with yesterday. A little imagination can go a long way for our kids, and the same is true for us.
Weary from dealing with some frustrating behavior in my toddler, I sought advice from an older mom in my church. She patiently listened as I described my struggle, and when she began to speak I hoped she would impart some magic strategy I could employ to make dealing with him easier. But instead of giving me a quick fix, she challenged me to look ahead 15–20 years and think about what his frustrating traits might look like sanctified—to consider that, Lord willing, as he grows to be more and more like Christ, the parts of his personality that frustrate me now could be refashioned to serve the Lord. She challenged me to use my imagination.
It’s usually easy for us to imagine how our children’s strengths or interests might come to fruition in the long run. Our toddler scores a few goals at their soccer game and we have visions of Olympic medals. Our third grader wins a science award and we imagine them finding the cure for cancer. Our child sings a solo in the church choir and we imagine their name on an album cover. Our minds easily run toward success at the slightest hint that our child may be good at something.
However, we don’t tend to carry that hopeful imagination over to our children’s sin struggles or traits that frustrate us. It’s easy for us to get discouraged by the aspects of our children’s personalities that seem less desirable. And only considering their behavior moment to moment, day to day can be exhausting and defeating. Our thoughts can easily turn to despair: Here we go again. Is anything I’m doing actually making a difference? Will they ever grow in this area? Maybe if I could just find the right approach, the right strategy, they would stop doing this or start doing that. When we only focus on their current behavior and don’t see much change, we can end up frustrated, feeling like we’re failing.
But what if we used our imagination? What if, instead of dwelling on what’s frustrating now, we began to imagine how the Lord might work in our child’s heart and develop them for his glory? With a little bit of gospel imagination, we can see that:
The strong-willed child could become a determined disciple-maker for the Lord Jesus.
The deeply emotional child prone to meltdowns could become a compassionate brother or sister in Christ who weeps with those who weep and rejoices with those who rejoice.
The very verbal child who never stops talking and is always interrupting could become a bold proclaimer of the gospel who faithfully shares the good news.
The timid child who observes from the sidelines could become a thoughtful friend who notices the needs of the hurting that no one else sees.
The bossy child who always wants to be in charge could become a humble leader of God’s people.
The stubborn child could become a faithful servant who perseveres in the midst of suffering and struggle.
This list could go on and on. The potential for God to work in our children and fit them to serve his kingdom is unlimited. There’s nothing about our children that can’t be sanctified and used to glorify the Lord. They are good creations, made in the image of God. But just like us, they are born sinful and in need of God’s grace to forgive them and change them, to gradually make them more and more like Jesus. It’s unreasonable for us to expect that children will not have weaknesses and struggles with sin. But we need not be too discouraged by this. Just as “he who began a good work in [us] will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ,” so too will he complete the good work he has begun in our children who have faith in him (Phil. 1:6).
Granted, this wise mom’s encouragement to imagine my son sanctified didn’t change anything about him or his behavior. But it did impact my perspective on it. If I think of his behavior as a problem to be solved or a task to be completed and checked off my to-do list, then I’m just working towards behavior modification. But if I remember that somewhere in his struggle—no matter how much sin is concealing it—there is a glimpse of God, in whose image my son was created, then I begin to think of ways to draw out that dim reflection. I begin considering how I can shepherd that part of him, fostering and encouraging the good aspects of it. I begin praying for the Lord to work in his heart and grow the godly parts and diminish the sinful parts. If I imagine him sanctified, then I parent with hope in what the Lord can do instead of despair in what I can’t do. I can entrust my children to “him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us”—and within our children (Eph. 3:30 NIV, emphasis mine).
