Loving a Friend Through Crisis
Editor’s Note: While in many cases we can serve and care for our friends in crisis in the ways discussed in this article, each crisis situation is unique and some may require immediate intervention for safety and/or professional help. Please exercise wisdom and consider the specific context. For more information about seeking appropriate help in a crisis situation, please check out our Moms in Crisis page.
When my friend experienced a sudden loss, her family was plunged into crisis. Her days were lived out in a fog, and she desperately needed the help and support of the church. As one of her close friends, I was often over at her home, helping to navigate the practical and spiritual needs of their family.
Crisis is, by its very nature, unexpected. When someone we love loses their job overnight, suddenly finds their marriage in shambles, or receives a devastating diagnosis, their world effectively stops. As a friend, we have the powerful opportunity to “bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:2). This is the opportunity to shoulder the weight of this crisis together so that our friend does not break under the weight of it alone.
As moms, the calling to tangibly be the hands and feet of Christ to a friend in crisis is both beautiful and challenging. Our days are already filled with the stressors and responsibilities of motherhood, and it can feel overwhelming to support someone else, even if it’s a friend we dearly love. But with God’s help, we respond with wisdom and grace.
While there is no one-size-fits-all approach for loving our friends well through crisis, there are helpful ways that we, as moms, can come alongside of them and support them during one of the toughest seasons of their lives.
First, Pray
While this may sound simple, praying is truly the most powerful and loving thing we can do for a friend in crisis. Rather than a trite phrase we toss out to someone who is struggling, true prayer is hard work. But the Bible tells us clearly that our prayers can change things greatly,[1] so praying for our friend in alignment with God’s Word is more eternally meaningful than anything else we can offer.
Consider asking your friend if you can pray for her in person—either one-on-one or with a small group of others. This will not only enable you to set aside specific time to pray for her, it will also encourage her as she hears prayers being lifted to the Lord on her behalf. If it’s appropriate, ask her if your children can join in the prayer time. Including them may remove a practical barrier for you and serve as a wonderful opportunity for them.
Care for Her Practical Needs
Depending on the crisis your friend is walking through, her needs may shift. If she is facing a medical trial, providing meals or scheduling a meal calendar may help her greatly. If she is weathering depression or loss, picking up food or transporting her kids around could be what she needs the most. If her marriage is in crisis, arranging consistent and emergency childcare may be the most needed thing. If the crisis is financial, offering gift cards or groceries might help take the edge off of the pressure she is feeling. Don’t hesitate to ask your friend what she needs—but also be ready to simply take care of things for her if she can’t articulate the help that she requires.
These simple actions of caring for a friend in crisis make a world of difference for her as she navigates change. While it will cost us in terms of our finances, time, and emotional capacity, it’s a practical way to bear her burdens in this season and help her experience the love of Christ through his people.
Don’t Go it Alone
When a friend is walking through a sustained crisis, it’s not only important, but necessary, to make sure that you aren’t the only person supporting her. As mothers, we are first responsible to care for the needs of our own families. And while that doesn’t negate our responsibility to help others, it cannot eclipse that first responsibility, either.
So, gather others from your church, small group, or Bible study, and work to create a network of people who can care for the friend in crisis. Start a text group or an email thread so you can help share the load of needs that come up. The Lord does not expect us to shoulder the burden by ourselves—he alone is the perfect Helper,[2] and he created the body of Christ to work together, especially when one member is struggling.[3]
Trust the Lord
Part of the struggle of supporting a friend in crisis is the temptation to take on their crisis as our own. When our friend is hardly able to get out of bed, for example, or cannot pay the bills, we may take on her stress and start to feel depressed or anxious alongside of her. Part of this comes out of love for our friend, but the other part of it may come from a lack of trust in God’s sovereignty over her life—and ours. The tension is to ask God to keep our hearts tender without taking on a Messiah complex that we are supposed to fix everything for our friend—or even that we should be available to her at all times. We still need to do the hard and holy work of being present to our own families, even as our heart may break for her.
As mothers, we are used to helping and serving those in our lives who need it most. When a friend is in crisis, the call in front of us is to help her bear the burden she is carrying by lessening her practical needs (when we can) and petitioning God for mercy and help through prayer.
There is only one Messiah, and he has already made the way for hope and peace and redemption in this world.[4] He is what our friend needs most, and while we can’t know how her story will unfold, we can trust that he is in control of her life and that he is working out all things for her good.[5]
[1] James 5:16
[2] John 14:26
[3] 1 Corinthians 12:12–27
[4] 1 Timothy 2:5
[5] Romans 8:28
