Strains of the Season: Parties
As a mom, I’d like to think I’ve learned how to juggle schedules. I’m a pro at timing the school pick-up line to be able to make it to flag football practice. I can get the baby up from his nap, feed the preschooler a snack, and still have enough time to walk to the park playdate down the street. It’s taken years of practice, but I’ve got it down . . . or so I thought. Then December came.
As I looked at our family’s full calendar, my stomach tightened, my hands started to sweat, and my mind raced. Not only did we have all of the normally scheduled activities listed, but there were also countless holiday parties and events. All three of my sons had school parties, church parties, and get-togethers with friends; my husband had a work party and guys' dinner; and together, we had a neighborhood party, a small group party, and Christmas get-togethers with both sides of the family—extended and immediate. It was overwhelming.
Desperate and already exhausted, I looked at my husband and asked, “Do we really need to go to all these parties?” And here’s the truth: we didn’t. But it was only after I slowed down enough to look at the purpose of parties and the needs of people around me that I knew this to be true.
What is the purpose of parties?
In the Old Testament, the Lord commanded his people to observe a series of seven feasts (or parties) throughout the year.[1] And while each one served a different purpose, the overarching goal was this: to remember and celebrate the Lord’s faithfulness and mercy in spite of their sin and failures. During the Feast of Passover, they remembered God’s redemption from sin. During the Feast of Firstfruits, they expressed gratitude and celebrated their dependence on God. And during the Feast of Tabernacles (or Booths), they were to remember God’s provision and protection during the sojourn of the Israelites.
As believers, we can approach parties—even the secular ones this time of year—with the same purpose in mind: remembering and celebrating the Lord’s faithfulness. When we gather with co-workers, we can thank the Lord for his provision of a job. When we attend our church’s small group party, we can remember how God in his sovereignty has orchestrated each person there to be a part of the community around us. And when our children have class parties, we can be grateful for the way God is growing them day-by-day.
Not only do parties open doors for remembrance and celebration, but they also provide opportunities for fellowship and evangelism.
In Ephesians, Paul reminded the church in Ephesus to make “the best use of the time, because the days are evil” (Ephesians 5:16). He knew our time here is finite and our opportunities to share the gospel are limited. We have a responsibility to use our time wisely.
As we attend parties this holiday season, we should always show up intentionally looking for ways to love, support, and encourage our brothers and sisters in Christ and to boldly share the gospel with those around us.
How do we know when to say “no”?
However, just because parties serve a purpose and provide opportunities doesn’t mean we have to attend every single one. As we weigh what to put on our calendar this season, good measuring sticks are the state of our hearts and the needs of those around us.
It’s not always easy to know when to say “no,” especially when it comes to parties and celebrations. In fact, sometimes it’s extremely difficult. I often feel like I’ll disappoint someone, neglect a responsibility, or simply miss out on something fun. However, we have a deep, Spirit-led need to slow down.
During Jesus’ ministry on earth, he modeled how to pause for solitude and rest. Shortly after healing a man full of leprosy, news about him began to spread and crowds gathered wanting to hear his teaching and receive healing. But Scripture says this: “But he would withdraw to desolate places and pray” (Luke 5:16). It doesn’t say after every single person in the entire crowd was healed and had ample time to answer questions he would leave. It simply says the crowd gathered, but he would withdraw. He didn’t let the needs of the crowd dictate his actions. Instead, Jesus lived in obedience to his Father and knew when it was time to say “no”—even to what we might call good things.
On a lesser scale, parties often seem like good things too. However, when our hearts are weary, our bodies need rest, and our schedules are busting at the seams, it may be time to say a sacred “no.”
Not only do we need to look at the state of our hearts, but we also need to look at the needs of those around us. Parties can be a welcome interruption to our schedules, but they can also be an unnecessary burden we try to force into our calendars and onto our families.
Paul wrote, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:4). As moms, we’ve been entrusted with children who have needs we are often responsible for meeting. Babies need to be fed frequently, toddlers have set bedtimes, and older children need downtime. Other kids might need breaks from certain stimuli or accommodations for disabilities. Sometimes it’s worth figuring out how to both meet these needs and attend the party. But other times, our children need us to say “no” for them, just as our Heavenly Father often does for us.
At the peak of my holiday overscheduling, I remember literally forcing my middle child into the car as he cried, “Why can’t we just stay hoooomeee?!” As a three-year-old, he couldn’t blatantly say, “I’m overstimulated” or “I need some time to myself,” but he could (and did) have a meltdown as I forced him to go to one more “fun” thing.
Looking to the interests of others often involves sacrificing things we hold the tightest and want the most. I desperately wanted control of my schedule, to juggle it all, and, honestly, to simply go have a good time with friends, but my son’s actions showed me he needed something different. I had to make a choice.
I knew that if I was going to walk through this season prioritizing rest and focusing on what matters eternally, I needed to stop juggling my schedule and instead reframe my perspective on parties.
In the craziness of this season, we have choices to make. And unfortunately, sometimes the “best” choice isn’t always the one we want to choose. However, when it comes to parties this year, let’s take some time to surrender our schedules, asking God for discernment when it comes time to say “no” and intentionality when we choose to say “yes.”
Parties can serve a holy purpose, but they are not our sole purpose. May we instead seek the Lord this season, wisely choosing when to rest and when to celebrate.
[1] Leviticus 23
