Navigating Social Media with Teens & Tweens
"Mom, can I get social media?” I’ve heard that question four times from my girls who are now teens and young adults, and the answer has never come easily.
Teens consume nine hours of entertainment media a day and tweens consume six (this does not include education-related content).[1] Even for families who opt out of social media for a time, our kids are very likely enjoying their friends’ social media feeds and other things like YouTube or TikTok, which can be viewed without a login.
The influence of social media on our kids can be overwhelming and paralyzing. I’ve daydreamed more than once about how my family might hunker down somewhere far out of town and off the grid to protect my kids. And while there is definitely a place for rules and boundaries for our families when it comes to the internet, let us first form our views, our household atmosphere, and our conversations with our kids from a foundation of the gospel.
Here are five gospel principles to remember as we think about our teens using social media. (And don’t forget, more is caught than taught, so consider applying them to yourself first.)
Do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus (Col. 3:17). You and I and our children are not our own but belong body and soul to our God in heaven who made us and saves us. Our own social media habits and our conversations with our kids about social media should start here. Let’s remember the goodness, beauty, and truth of our Lord. Remember that we are made in his image,[2] and we are his ambassadors.[3] Does what we’re scrolling and publishing online reflect his name? Does our online activity obey his two greatest commands to love God and neighbor?
Focus on what is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and worthy of praise (Phil. 4:8). When my kids were younger, I had a friend who was a little bit ahead of me in motherhood often ask her children, “Is this good for your soul?” She asked them to consider the question in light of books they were reading, movies they were watching, or video games they were playing. My girls and I now regularly pose this question to one another. It moves us beyond rules and regulations and helps us get to the heart of what we’re doing and why—is it good for souls?
Remember you are dearly loved (Eph. 5:1). So much that we see online tempts us to believe that we don’t measure up. Whether it’s seeing photos of friends gather without us, reels of flawless faces, or something totally sinister like pornography, images online vie for our hearts. Even just a couple minutes of scrolling can cause us to feel discouraged and despised. One of the best things we can do is remind our kids that everything about who we are flows from whose we are. We are already accepted and treasured by Jesus—and that will never, ever change. We are a people of God’s own possession,[4] and we will never be snatched out of his hands.[5] Let us help our kids to be rooted, built up, and established in Jesus,[6] so that, by God’s grace, they will look not to social media for their identity, but to God alone.
The Holy Spirit dwells in us and stands ready to help us (1 Cor. 3:16, John 14:26). What a relief to know that our children are not required to muscle their way to obedience online by their own strength and resources. The Holy Spirit stands ready to help. As we seek to foster an atmosphere of grace with our kids, let’s encourage their holiness by God’s power, not their own. Rather than demanding, “Just do it,” we can remind them, “God will help you.” When they are tempted to curse people online,[7] air unwholesome talk,[8] or senselessly scroll for hours,[9] let’s remind them that “God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but…will also provide the way of escape” (1 Cor. 10:13). Let’s help our kids to hope in God, not in themselves.
God is good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love (Psalm 86:5). Our kids are bound to mess up, just like us. But our Father in heaven blots out our transgressions for his sake and for his name, because of his good character, not ours.[10] Because he is all-loving, all-merciful, and all-good, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Celebrate this good news with your kids: God’s mercies are new each morning,[11] and there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ.[12] Their social media sins do not define them. With God’s help, they can start anew, and by his power, they can abide in him.
When our kids come to us and ask, “Mom, can I have social media?” we may be tempted to worry and fear (even if our answer ends up being “no” or “not yet”). But God’s grace is sufficient for our weakness,[13] and Jesus has the words of eternal life.[14] As we shepherd our kids with wisdom, let us also go to our Father, be filled with his grace, and then pour it out for our kids. As our eyes and our kids’ eyes are drawn to social media, let us remember to first fix them on Jesus.
[1] Michael Robb, “Tweens, Teens, and Screens: What Our New Research Uncovers,” Common Sense Media, November 2, 2015, https://www.commonsensemedia.org/.
[2] Genesis 1:26-27
[3] 2 Corinthians 5:20
[4] 1 Peter 2:9
[5] John 10:29
[6] Colossians 2:6-7
[7] James 3:9-10
[8] Ephesians 4:29
[9] Ephesians 5:16
[10] Isaiah 43:25
[11] Lamentations 3:23
[12] Romans 8:1
[13] 2 Corinthians 12:9
[14] John 6:68
