I'm Not the Mom I Thought I'd Be
Standing at the front of my second grade classroom with my hair curled, a plaid jumper on, and a piece of paper in my hands, I proudly shared what I wanted to be when I grew up: 1) a wife; 2) a mom; 3) a missionary.
“I want to have one baby,” I said, grabbing one of my baby dolls from my teacher’s desk, “and maybe two!” I added, grabbing another. Parents in the back laughed at my innocent, girlish dreams. After my presentation, I took my babies and report back to my desk—satisfied, content, and confident that I’d be a great mama someday.
It’s been twenty-four years since I shared my childhood dreams with people I can’t even name anymore, but I still recall the unrealistic expectations I placed on myself. I’m going to be the best mama. . .the mama who always stops what I’m doing to play with my kids, the mama who bakes homemade chocolate chip cookies and serves them warm with a glass of milk, the mama who loves folding laundry and enjoys sweeping crumbs, the mama who never loses my temper and always has a smile on.
I was this “mama” when I was little and played with those baby dolls. I’d feed them, change their pretend diapers, and sing to them without a care in the world. After playtime, I’d set them aside and go on with my day.
Fast forward to my twenty-five-year-old reality: I’m rocking in our beige recliner, weeping with my crying baby in my arms, a soiled shirt on from a diaper blowout, and the debris of those unrealistic childhood expectations piled in my heart. I’m hit for the first time with the humbling realization: I’m not the mom I thought I’d be.
When Expectations Come Crashing Down
Most days, I feel completely inadequate to be a mother. I'm the mom who has missed precious moments with my boys because I was trying to take the "perfect" picture. I've gotten upset when they won’t cooperate, won’t nap, or need my attention when I have a long to-do list. I've grumbled at late nights and early mornings when I need more sleep. We’ve eaten drive-thru dinners more times than I can count, and the laundry is a sanctifying task each day. Too often, my shortcomings block my vision of Christ’s sufficiency.
Motherhood is like a giant neon highlighter emphasizing my desperate need for Jesus. When I rely on my abilities or the false comforts of this world in my distress, I’m left wallowing in failures. I start comparing myself to my friends, and I feel defeated and undone.
The things of this world will never be able to rescue us from our shortcomings. Christ, however, offers us another way to mother in our frailty as we lean on his faithfulness. He doesn’t leave us to fend for ourselves or gather enough strength each day to care for our children. He doesn’t keep tabs on how often we don’t measure up. He doesn’t shake his head in disappointment when we mess up. Hebrews 4:15 offers us weary mamas this steadfast hope: “We do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.” There’s no battle we face that Christ hasn’t conquered.[1] When we aren’t the moms we thought we’d be, instead of running to the quick fixes of this world, we find Christ welcomes us to run to the throne of grace to find mercy, help, and a fresh start.[2]
God’s abundant mercy can rescue us from our own unrealistic expectations. He sent his Son to be everything we couldn’t and to die the death we deserved so we could be raised to new life with him. He is faithful to tear down the walls of inadequacy, brick-by-brick, and remind us of the greater purpose of this life—to know Jesus and make him known, even while scrubbing dirty dishes and wiping runny noses. We’ll never be perfect on this side of heaven, but Christ’s death and resurrection empower us to grow in grace as we seek him in the mundane. We might not be the mamas we thought we’d be, but because of Jesus, we can be mamas who are set free, tethered to the cross, and made whole in him.
The Mom I Am
I might not be the mama I thought I’d be when I gave my presentation, but because of Jesus. . .
I’m a mama in need of grace.[3] My salvation comes not from my ability to be a great mom but from Christ’s sufficiency and his promise to hold all things together.[4]
I’m a mama in need of forgiveness.[5] I’ll mess up. Sometimes I’ll need to humble myself and ask my children for forgiveness. Some nights I’ll lay my head on the pillow and confess my sins and shortcomings to God. More importantly, though, there’ll always be fresh grace to move forward the next day with my eyes on Jesus.
I’m a mama in need of wisdom.[6] The more I know God and his Word, the more my motherhood will reflect the ways of the everlasting kingdom. Wisdom is knowledge of God applied to everyday life. I can’t disciple my children or love them well without the wisdom of the Word guiding my steps.
I’m a mama in need of help.[7] We weren’t made to walk through motherhood alone. We need help! We need the church, the body of Christ, to rally around us and remind us that the gospel is what anchors our souls.
Ultimately, I’m the mama who’s releasing my unrealistic expectations day by day as God opens my eyes to the beauty and joy in the "imperfect" moments. God’s grace is always greater than any of our shortcomings. His grace is sufficient for this mama, and it is sufficient for you, too.
[1] 1 Corinthians 15:57–58
[2] Hebrews 4:16
[3] John 1:16, Ephesians 2:4–5, 2 Corinthians 12:9, James 4:6
[4] Colossians 1:16
[5] Psalm 25:18, Colossians 1:13–14, 1 John 1:9
[6] Psalm 90:12, Proverbs 24:3, James 1:5
[7] Psalm 46:1–3, Hebrews 4:16
