Training Our Children to Honor Their Parents by Honoring Our Own
When I was a little girl, we spent nearly every Saturday morning at my grandmother’s house. She was a widow living on her own, so my dad made visiting her a priority for our family. Each week, he’d sit in her rocking chair balancing her checkbook and paying her bills while we watched Shirley Temple and played hide the thimble.
I grew up in the church and knew God’s command to “honor your father and mother” (Eph. 6:2). But those words came alive when I watched my father model them for me and my sisters.
As I think about training my own children to honor their parents, I’m realizing how much is caught more than taught. The way I treat my parents will likely have a direct impact on the way my kids treat my husband and me.
Have you considered how you might be modeling the command to honor your parents for your children? The word “honor” in Hebrew means “to give weight.”[1] Do your kids see you giving your parents weight in your heart and life?
Admittedly, honoring our parents as adult children can be difficult at times. Grown children are typically more aware of their parents’ sins and shortcomings. Your relationship with your parents may be strained or even non-existent. If that’s true, know that God sees your pain and promises to be near to the brokenhearted.[2]
Though it may be hard for us to understand, God’s command to honor our parents doesn’t come with exceptions or an expiration date. He doesn’t call us to honor our parents only when they’re deserving. He calls us to honor them, period. How we honor them might look different depending on the circumstances surrounding our relationships, but no matter what, God will be faithful to provide the grace we need to obey his commands.[3]
With that in mind, here are a few areas where you might consider training your children to honor their parents by your own example. While you might not be able to implement all these ideas, my hope is that you’ll walk away encouraged to better honor your parents with the Spirit’s help.
1. Honor Them with Your Words
Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
Think about how you speak to your parents in front of your children. Do your words build them up or tear them down? Are you respectful and gracious towards them? Or sarcastic and rude?
Now consider how you talk about your parents when your kids are within earshot. Do they hear you speaking well of your parents or do they hear you speaking ill of them?
Speaking well of our parents doesn’t mean we can’t speak the truth. There’s room for disagreement with our parents, but we can share honestly while remaining respectful toward them. When conflicts arise, we can show our kids how to acknowledge a parent's sin without sinning against them in return. Even if our parents have acted dishonorably, there is no place for grumbling or name-calling in the Christian home. With God’s grace, our words can be both true and honorable.
2. Honor Them with Your Time
As moms of young children, our days can quickly fill up with play dates, piano lessons, church activities, and appointments. Take a look at your calendar and ask yourself—am I giving weight to my parents in my schedule?
There are lots of ways to honor your parents with your time. For my dad, it was a weekly visit to my grandma’s house. For you it might be scheduling a monthly dinner, making a weekly phone call, regularly visiting a care facility, or sending photos to a parent who doesn’t live nearby.
You can also spend time serving your parents. As they age, certain tasks may become more difficult. Where might your parents need some help? Yardwork? Cleaning? Running errands? Cooking? Sit down with your family and consider how you might be able to meet one or more of these needs. Get your kids involved if you can—they’ll learn valuable lessons by serving alongside you.
3. Honor Them with Your Prayers
As Christians, God not only commands us to honor our parents, but also to be faithful in prayer.[4] When we honor our parents by including them in our prayers, we obey both commands which is pleasing to God!
For those who struggle with their parents, prayer can also be a safe step of obedience. It doesn’t require direct contact with anyone but God, meaning you don’t have to see your parents or even be on speaking terms to pray for them. Of course, my hope is that God would eventually bring healing to your relationship, but in the meantime, you can honor them from a distance with your prayers.
Make it a point to pray for your parents in front of your kids (referring to them in your prayers as “my mom” or “my dad” will help them make the connection that you’re praying for your parents). Our default when praying for loved ones is to ask God for help—and he wants us to come to him with our requests![5] Surely pray for their work, health, souls, and relationships.
But also praise God for who he created your parents to be and thank him for the gifts he has given you through them. At times, it may also be appropriate for your children to hear you confess your sin against your parents—especially if you sinned in front of your kids. It’s good for our children to see us repenting of our failure to obey God’s commands and turning to Christ for forgiveness and help.
A Blessing for Your Family
The command to honor our parents comes with a beautiful promise—“that it might go well with you” (Eph. 6:3). While this promise doesn’t guarantee us a life of wealth, health, or ease, it reminds us that God does intend spiritual good for those who obey his commands. By training our kids to honor their parents by honoring our own, we ready our families to receive his blessing.
May God equip you and your children to do his will, and may he bless your family for generations and generations to come!
[1] Challies, Tim. “Momentary Obedience, Forever Honor." Challies (blog). 12/09/16. https://www.challies.com/articles/momentary-obedience-forever-honor/
[2] Psalm 34:18
[3] Hebrews 13:21
[4] Romans 12:12
[5] Philippians 4:6
